Friend refusing to share bottle of spirit at party

[IreneSmith]

So, I want some opinions, who is right, me or my friend?

A group of friends get together for a party, we then move onto drinking games.

Now usually whenever anyone brings spirits or anything to a party (myself included) its for everyone to drink...at least I thought.

So, I start pouring the next drink to be used in the game when one of my friends grabs the bottle out of my hand forcefully (literally).

This one friend refused to allow her bottle of spirit to be used in drinking games, as according to her it was a gift to the host (another friend) and not for wasting in drinking games.

My issue it 3 fold:

1. It was outside on the main table and open, so I thought its fair for anyone to drink/use it. (If host wanted to keep it, they would have out it away)

1. It was a bottle of Jack Daniel...which imo is only good as a mixer or for drinking games. (I.e. it wasn't a proper whisky, brandy, cognac or fine wine)

1. It was very rude to just grab the bottle out of my hand forcefully. She could have let me finish pouring the drink, then explained how she felt and asked if we could use something else / another bottle going forward.

The host looked perplexed when this happened and didnt say anything, they didnt care either way / it got awkward.

Imo, I think my friend was being awkward and rude (the bottle grabbing really annoyed me). Am I wrong, is she wrong?

@TractorAndHeadphones

Well put

(And yes, I did pick JD on purpose, as I wanted to use a strong drink/spirit, but also pick one where it wouldn't have been a waste of a "good" spirit/drink. I guess the latter aspect is very subjective depending on your POV of Jack Daniels.)

@IreneSmith

Just to clarify a few things:

This isnt a BYOB party. Its 1 friend inviting everyone for drinks at theirs for their birthday, and providing 90% of the alcohol (even if nobody brought anything, there would be plenty of alcohol left outside provided by the host). E.g. the drinking games were 90% done using the hosts provided alcohol.

Im not sure why people find the above surprising. Whenever I host, I provide the booze for everyone as well.

If someone gives me something in my hand (i.e. a bottle) and its good, I might keep it safe, or if its normal leave it outside for everyone.

Or if the attendee, brings a bottle of spirit or wine and leaves it outside, Ill leave it outside, as im guessing they brought it for everyone to share.

Twice, someone has given me something good and i've put it away, but as the night went on they suggested cracking it open / bringing it out. And guess what, I brought it out and poured it for everyone, and left it out after.

I just cant understand what some people are saying in terms of you can only play drinking games if your bottle is being used, etc...

Yeah this is exactly what I thought happened Honestly OP maybe she thought the bottle of JD was supposed to be a gift and wasn't happy with the host leaving it out to begin with, or everyone else's bottle got taken to the back except hers, or she had some other beef with you. I don't know.

To me table all table opened alcohol is equal

Maybe as we are all here we should say what we consider posh booze to be I have no taste so would be happy if someone brought Sours or Aftershock or some tequila. If I’m imagining something posh it’s a flavoured Absolute Vodka or any kind of champagne without the name of a supermarket on it

@TractorAndHeadphones

That could well have been the case

Twice, someone has given me something good and i've put it away, but as the night went on they suggested cracking it open / bringing it out. And guess what, I brought it out and poured it for everyone, and left it out after.

That's you and the person who gave you the gift @IreneSmith . Someone else might do something else or feel something else should be done. and that's fine.

The gift-giver might've felt that they'd want the person who'd received the gift to say it was ok before iit was used.

You went to use a present someone had given without asking the person who'd been given it. And even if the host was ok with it, the (maybe drunk) giver thought it shouldn't be used, at least without the receiver agreeing to it beforehand.

It being out on the side might just be where it happened to be put.

@Bumblenums1234

All but 2 people

** Your friend is being unreasonable for the fact it no longer belonged to her. It was a gift for the host so it wasn't up to her to dictate how the JD would be drunk.

It was the hosts' place to say something and she didn't. Thus, your friend is bu.**

^This

[quote IreneSmith]@Bumblenums1234

All but 2 people[/quote]
Was the friend playing?

@IreneSmith

Just to clarify a few things:

This isnt a BYOB party. Its 1 friend inviting everyone for drinks at theirs for their birthday, and providing 90% of the alcohol (even if nobody brought anything, there would be plenty of alcohol left outside provided by the host). E.g. the drinking games were 90% done using the hosts provided alcohol.

Im not sure why people find the above surprising. Whenever I host, I provide the booze for everyone as well.

If someone gives me something in my hand (i.e. a bottle) and its good, I might keep it safe, or if its normal leave it outside for everyone.

Or if the attendee, brings a bottle of spirit or wine and leaves it outside, Ill leave it outside, as im guessing they brought it for everyone to share.

Twice, someone has given me something good and i've put it away, but as the night went on they suggested cracking it open / bringing it out. And guess what, I brought it out and poured it for everyone, and left it out after.

I just cant understand what some people are saying in terms of you can only play drinking games if your bottle is being used, etc...

Wow that's so rude... Imagine bringing a gift to a birthday party and they respond by going 'this isn't good enough' and giving it instantly away to other people but then accepting someone else's gift as good enough and putting it away for safety.

Either they are gifts in which you put them away or they are party contributions where you put them all out right?.

To deem one gift lesser than the other is super privileged and snotty.

Or on the other hand, it's tight' to keep the good party contribution stuff brought along for yourself and give guests 'cheap' stuff (especially as in your example they weren't gifts for you as the people who brought them had to ask why the hell you took their alcohol away).

@me4real

Twice, someone has given me something good and i've put it away, but as the night went on they suggested cracking it open / bringing it out. And guess what, I brought it out and poured it for everyone, and left it out after.

That's you and the person who gave you the gift @IreneSmith . Someone else might do something else or feel something else should be done. and that's fine.

The gift-giver might've felt that they'd want the person who'd received the gift to say it was ok before iit was used.

You went to use a present someone had given without asking the person who'd been given it. And even if the host was ok with it, the (maybe drunk) giver thought it shouldn't be used, at least without the receiver agreeing to it beforehand.

It being out on the side might just be where it happened to be put.

That's a good point though OP I'd let it go if she'd already had a few... people do lots of things when drunk

@drpet49

** Your friend is being unreasonable for the fact it no longer belonged to her. It was a gift for the host so it wasn't up to her to dictate how the JD would be drunk.

It was the hosts' place to say something and she didn't. Thus, your friend is bu.**

^This

Haha, agreed.

Funnily enough, after this happened, no one else actually touched the bottle for the night, not even the host. (After my friend took it out my hands, she put it on a different side table.)

But its not a big deal tbh, I just find it strange more than anything.

But at least we are all now agreed than JD is not a "good" whisky or spirit?

@Dahlietta

Nobody can help you with this because nobody knows the rules for playing drinking games in your 30s.

Imagine bringing a gift to a birthday party and they respond by going 'this isn't good enough' and giving it instantly away to other people but then accepting someone else's gift as good enough and putting it away for safety.

Yep, the host was 100% being a shit here.

@IreneSmith

Just to clarify a few things:

This isnt a BYOB party. Its 1 friend inviting everyone for drinks at theirs for their birthday, and providing 90% of the alcohol (even if nobody brought anything, there would be plenty of alcohol left outside provided by the host). E.g. the drinking games were 90% done using the hosts provided alcohol.

Im not sure why people find the above surprising. Whenever I host, I provide the booze for everyone as well.

If someone gives me something in my hand (i.e. a bottle) and its good, I might keep it safe, or if its normal leave it outside for everyone.

Or if the attendee, brings a bottle of spirit or wine and leaves it outside, Ill leave it outside, as im guessing they brought it for everyone to share.

Twice, someone has given me something good and i've put it away, but as the night went on they suggested cracking it open / bringing it out. And guess what, I brought it out and poured it for everyone, and left it out after.

I just cant understand what some people are saying in terms of you can only play drinking games if your bottle is being used, etc...

That’s just really bad manners.

ROFL at Jack Daniels being at the same time too cheap and too expensive. Schrodinger's Whiskey.

I remember the time that SIL and I shared a bottle of it, or actually I don't but it is a bit of a legend in the family that even years later people still remind us both of the time that Barbara and SIL got completely wasted on JD and talked shit for hours.

If someone gives me something in my hand (i.e. a bottle) and its good, I might keep it safe, or if its normal leave it outside for everyone.

OP - Do you realise exactly how rude this reveals you to be? I guess not, but Mau be you should think about it.

No matter how shit the booze that's given, if it's given to me as a gift, it goes in the cupboard, not on the 'general party alcohol' table.

*One bottle for the host - gift. Do not expect to see it again that evening. Price depends on reason for party and how much I like the host (best friends 30th, expensive champagne. workmates birthday that all and sundry are invited to, 15 quid max probably)

One bottle for my starting off - nice wine or gin Sometimes I bring the stuff to make a specific cocktail. For before we’re all pissed. Happy to share

One bottle for the table - for everyone. Mid range, average whatever for everyone - spirit or maybe two bottles of wine (white/red)

Is that not normal?!

Well do your other friends do the same as you. If so, yeah it's normal in your social circle.

@shrodingersbiscuit

Am I the only person who, when going to a party, takes multiple bottles? All these folk showing up with just one?!

One bottle for the host - gift. Do not expect to see it again that evening. Price depends on reason for party and how much I like the host (best friends 30th, expensive champagne. workmates birthday that all and sundry are invited to, 15 quid max probably)

One bottle for my starting off - nice wine or gin. Sometimes I bring the stuff to make a specific cocktail. For before we’re all pissed. Happy to share.

One bottle for the table - for everyone. Mid range, average whatever for everyone - spirit or maybe two bottles of wine (white/red).

Is that not normal?!

There is no normal. It depends on the group dynamics. Examples:

Me + DP mates close mates drinking at home : everyone brings multiple bottles of whatever, no 'host gift' or whatever needed. All bottles everywhere. Sometimes people bring stuff to make cocktails with.

Dinner party at a colleague's: A mid-range bottle of wine for the table, a nice bottle as a host gift (depending on host's favourite alcohol). Sometimes chocolates or other treats to share.

Random house party I've been invited to by someone else : Some beers, if more's needed I nip out to the local off-license.

This is just a sample actually everyone has so many opinions on drinking that it's hard to gauge. I've turned up before with multiple bottles and looked like a try-hard when everyone else brought one (or none). Also the other way around. I just ask the host what they want

@shrodingersbiscuit

Am I the only person who, when going to a party, takes multiple bottles? All these folk showing up with just one?!

One bottle for the host - gift. Do not expect to see it again that evening. Price depends on reason for party and how much I like the host (best friends 30th, expensive champagne. workmates birthday that all and sundry are invited to, 15 quid max probably)

One bottle for my starting off - nice wine or gin. Sometimes I bring the stuff to make a specific cocktail. For before we’re all pissed. Happy to share.

One bottle for the table - for everyone. Mid range, average whatever for everyone - spirit or maybe two bottles of wine (white/red).

Is that not normal?!

This sounds pretty normal to me - assuming it's a close friend the gift is normally the nicest of the drinks I bring. I don't ever go below mid-range with what I contribute to share, as no-one wants to drink shite.

@shrodingersbiscuit

Am I the only person who, when going to a party, takes multiple bottles? All these folk showing up with just one?!

One bottle for the host - gift. Do not expect to see it again that evening. Price depends on reason for party and how much I like the host (best friends 30th, expensive champagne. workmates birthday that all and sundry are invited to, 15 quid max probably)

One bottle for my starting off - nice wine or gin. Sometimes I bring the stuff to make a specific cocktail. For before we’re all pissed. Happy to share.

One bottle for the table - for everyone. Mid range, average whatever for everyone - spirit or maybe two bottles of wine (white/red).

Is that not normal?!

Well its borderline acceptable but I wouldn't say normal. For me, a few barrels of beer, a primat or two, an 800 year old year malt, a small Austrian vineyard, and the key to the local Bargain Booze would be more typical.