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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend refusing to share bottle of spirit at party

257 replies

IreneSmith · 14/11/2021 13:22

So, I want some opinions, who is right, me or my friend?

A group of friends get together for a party, we then move onto drinking games.

Now usually whenever anyone brings spirits or anything to a party (myself included) its for everyone to drink...at least I thought.

So, I start pouring the next drink to be used in the game when one of my friends grabs the bottle out of my hand forcefully (literally).

This one friend refused to allow her bottle of spirit to be used in drinking games, as according to her it was a gift to the host (another friend) and not for wasting in drinking games.

My issue it 3 fold:

  1. It was outside on the main table and open, so I thought its fair for anyone to drink/use it. (If host wanted to keep it, they would have out it away)
  1. It was a bottle of Jack Daniel...which imo is only good as a mixer or for drinking games. (I.e. it wasn't a proper whisky, brandy, cognac or fine wine)
  1. It was very rude to just grab the bottle out of my hand forcefully. She could have let me finish pouring the drink, then explained how she felt and asked if we could use something else / another bottle going forward.

The host looked perplexed when this happened and didnt say anything, they didnt care either way / it got awkward.

Imo, I think my friend was being awkward and rude (the bottle grabbing really annoyed me). Am I wrong, is she wrong?

OP posts:
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 14/11/2021 15:19

You seem to be of the opinion that you, and the bottle of Lanson Champagne you took to the party, are superior to your ‘friend’.

Very true.

JaneJeffer · 14/11/2021 15:19

JD is not cheap!

TractorAndHeadphones · 14/11/2021 15:20

Also why is it a waste to use alcohol in drinking games as opposed to having guests drink it? Are you sure she wasn't planning to take it back (which might make more sense)?

When I host house parties everyone brings their own drinks to share and these are what I open and leave on the table. They take the remainder back (or are supposed to anyway hehe a fair few don't bother)

LovePoppy · 14/11/2021 15:20

@IreneSmith

1. 30s
  1. Rofl was invented by my generation during the time of MSN messenger. Kids these days /newer gens have no claim to it.
  1. JD is a cheap whisky and no good for savoring. Hence when I say mixer, I meant for use in drinking games; or is only palatable when mixed imo.
God you’re pretentious.
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/11/2021 15:22

@TractorAndHeadphones

Some people like getting drunk, not alcohol - to them a £20 bottle of supermarket wine is expensive. Looks like your JD bringing friend is similar. YANBU
A £20 bottle of supermarket is expensive

ROFL

LovePoppy · 14/11/2021 15:24

@IreneSmith

1. 30s
  1. Rofl was invented by my generation during the time of MSN messenger. Kids these days /newer gens have no claim to it.
  1. JD is a cheap whisky and no good for savoring. Hence when I say mixer, I meant for use in drinking games; or is only palatable when mixed imo.
Also, no, not messenger Usenet, aim, icq Not your generation if you’re going to be a test, at least be right.
Friend refusing to share bottle of spirit at party
hotmeatymilk · 14/11/2021 15:25

JD is not cheap!
I think its cheapness being debated in this thread is figurative rather than literal.

mam0918 · 14/11/2021 15:30

YABU... I never help myself to someone else's alcohol without asking and even then I rarely ask and not until I have at least been offered some to begin with.

Why would you assume you can just help yourself to other people's things?

JaneJeffer · 14/11/2021 15:31

@hotmeatymilk

JD is not cheap! I think its cheapness being debated in this thread is figurative rather than literal.
Yes there is a lot of pretension on here.
fourquenelles · 14/11/2021 15:34

Well, it can put on a fur coat and lippy if it wants, but
it'll still be a pig with no knickers.

Don't care about the merits or otherwise of JD, I am pinching this.

ittakes2 · 14/11/2021 15:35

If you are playing drinking games - I am guessing she was a bit drunk and she did something impulsively. I would not have thought much of it and would have moved on by now.

KirstieAllsoppsAlterEgo · 14/11/2021 15:36

@LovePoppy It used to be written as Roffle at the advent of MN.

I was 30 then, and had long grown out of student drinking games. Are all your friends the same age as you, @IreneSmith?

BTW, I couldn't summon up an opiion either way about your initial conundrum as the whole thing is so juvenile.

5128gap · 14/11/2021 15:37

Its probably because you didn't contribute to the party alcohol. The bottle you took wasn't suitable for sharing with 7 people, so while you may have taken a gift to the host, you gave nothing to the other people, yet presumably drank what they had brought. She was probably just making this point.

mam0918 · 14/11/2021 15:37

IreneSmith what you choose to do with your belongings does not mean you get to dictate what others do.

If you CHOOSE to give YOUR spirits to other people fine but you absolutely cannot decide to TAKE someone else's.

This feeling that you are entitled to take from others because you are privileged to be in the position of being able to give and/or deem things cheap enough to not matter is whats wrong with the world

Pascal80 · 14/11/2021 15:37

Jack Daniels is a lovely American bourbon. ''Drinking games'' are for kids.

RampantIvy · 14/11/2021 15:38

@mam0918

YABU... I never help myself to someone else's alcohol without asking and even then I rarely ask and not until I have at least been offered some to begin with.

Why would you assume you can just help yourself to other people's things?

Have you never been to a party where all the drinks are on a table so that you can help yourself?
WonderfulYou · 14/11/2021 15:38

It wasn’t yours to hand out. You should have asked the host.

I agree.
It was a gift to the host so it’s up to the host how that bottle gets used.

BoredOfSamphire · 14/11/2021 15:42

It's been said before on this thread, but worth repeating - Jack Daniels is not a bourbon, it's a Tennessee whiskey.

TractorAndHeadphones · 14/11/2021 15:44

@mam0918

IreneSmith what you choose to do with your belongings does not mean you get to dictate what others do.

If you CHOOSE to give YOUR spirits to other people fine but you absolutely cannot decide to TAKE someone else's.

This feeling that you are entitled to take from others because you are privileged to be in the position of being able to give and/or deem things cheap enough to not matter is whats wrong with the world

It's not someone else's though - if the host put it on the table it's a free for all. Given that the OP's friend has been with the same group several times she presumably knows this.

Also the host herself didn't object to the JD being used for the game. She put the OP's bottle away and the JD on the table, that's quite telling. Host seems to agree with OP's assessment on the value of the JD

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 14/11/2021 15:45

I still can't believe that people think £20 wine or a bottle of JD isn't expensive.

I drink the cheap aldi version of peach schnapps when I have a drink, and consider spending a tenner on archers a huge treat 😂😂

RampantIvy · 14/11/2021 15:49

@WonderfulYou

It wasn’t yours to hand out. You should have asked the host.

I agree.
It was a gift to the host so it’s up to the host how that bottle gets used.

Someone put the opened bottle on the table. Why didn't the host remove it if they didn't want people to drink it?
MereDintofPandiculation · 14/11/2021 15:51

@IreneSmith

1. 30s
  1. Rofl was invented by my generation during the time of MSN messenger. Kids these days /newer gens have no claim to it.
  1. JD is a cheap whisky and no good for savoring. Hence when I say mixer, I meant for use in drinking games; or is only palatable when mixed imo.
Rofl was being widely used on usenet in dial up days, at least from 1996. MSM Messenger wasn’t released until 1999.

You’re right about JD.

mam0918 · 14/11/2021 15:52

RampantIvy - nope its called bring your OWN bottle.

Usually, people will at some point offer a can or glass to others but you don't just randomly help yourself to other people stuff.

Tables are used as tables for people to rest things on, it doesn't mean if I put my glass or bottle down someone else can grab and down it... how tacky, you wouldn't do that when out would you.

Ricetwisty · 14/11/2021 15:54

@5128gap

Its probably because you didn't contribute to the party alcohol. The bottle you took wasn't suitable for sharing with 7 people, so while you may have taken a gift to the host, you gave nothing to the other people, yet presumably drank what they had brought. She was probably just making this point.
True, it is rather pretentious to take champagne for the host and then snaffle the spirits others have bought or fritter them away on games.
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 14/11/2021 15:54

Surely if you're going to someones house for a party you take your own bottle to drink, and that's what's happened here.

Op took the host a gift and didn't contribute a bottle of what she drinks, so just drank what everyone else had contributed as long as she felt it superior enough for her taste then decided that she would play a drinking game with her friends bottle of alcohol, which would have meant the friend having to drink someone else's, or nothing at all if she only likes JD.

I don't think the alcohol was gifts for the host, more of a 'bring a bottle' scenario.