Friend refusing to share bottle of spirit at party

[IreneSmith]

So, I want some opinions, who is right, me or my friend?

A group of friends get together for a party, we then move onto drinking games.

Now usually whenever anyone brings spirits or anything to a party (myself included) its for everyone to drink...at least I thought.

So, I start pouring the next drink to be used in the game when one of my friends grabs the bottle out of my hand forcefully (literally).

This one friend refused to allow her bottle of spirit to be used in drinking games, as according to her it was a gift to the host (another friend) and not for wasting in drinking games.

My issue it 3 fold:

1. It was outside on the main table and open, so I thought its fair for anyone to drink/use it. (If host wanted to keep it, they would have out it away)

1. It was a bottle of Jack Daniel...which imo is only good as a mixer or for drinking games. (I.e. it wasn't a proper whisky, brandy, cognac or fine wine)

1. It was very rude to just grab the bottle out of my hand forcefully. She could have let me finish pouring the drink, then explained how she felt and asked if we could use something else / another bottle going forward.

The host looked perplexed when this happened and didnt say anything, they didnt care either way / it got awkward.

Imo, I think my friend was being awkward and rude (the bottle grabbing really annoyed me). Am I wrong, is she wrong?

@mam0918

RampantIvy - nope its called bring your OWN bottle.

Usually, people will at some point offer a can or glass to others but you don't just randomly help yourself to other people stuff.

Tables are used as tables for people to rest things on, it doesn't mean if I put my glass or bottle down someone else can grab and down it... how tacky, you wouldn't do that when out would you.

When I host I lay out booze on the table for people to drink. I would be irritated by someone asking me if they could have some every 5 minutes.

Do you do that with buffets or bring a dish meals too? If not, what's the difference?

The more I think about it, the more I think how rude it was of you OP not to take a drink that could be shared. If you wanted to take a single bottle of champagne (which would by its size be a gift to the host rather than to share) for their birthday or whatever, you should have taken another bottle as your party contribution. To use one bottle as both gift and party contribution is a bit tight imo.

TractorAndHeadphones - We don't know who put it there or how the host reacted to any of this.

Many people are easily walked over by entitled people who take but wouldn't lower themselves to say something however many others would stand up to it.

We have the OPs one-sided story of being mad at the girl who said to stop - OP didn't ask the host so we don't know whether she would have been fine or not, if she had basic manners and asked like a normal person though we would actually know but she didn't.

When I host I lay out booze on the table for people to drink. I would be irritated by someone asking me if they could have some every 5 minutes.

Do you do that with buffets or bring a dish meals too? If not, what's the difference?

There's a huge difference between people pouring the odd drink from a bottle you took over, and your whole bottle of alcohol being polished off in 10 minutes of doing shots and leaving none of the bottle at all for the rest of the evening.

Bumblenums1234 - but I don't ask every 5 minutes I bring my own like everyone else did, which is what OP should have done instead of drinking everyone else's.

@5128gap

Its probably because you didn't contribute to the party alcohol. The bottle you took wasn't suitable for sharing with 7 people, so while you may have taken a gift to the host, you gave nothing to the other people, yet presumably drank what they had brought. She was probably just making this point.

This. You brought a bottle of Lanson which evidently wasn’t suitable for drinking games yet we’re happy to guzzle everyone else’s.

Surely it’s basic manners to ask before using a drink someone else has brought?

The snobbery around the JD is laughable, especially when you turned up with a bottle of Lanson which is pretty much the JD of champagnes!

You sound like a bunch of teenagers tbh.

Grow up.

RosieGuacamosie - this is a great point... I had never heard of Lansons (as I'm clearly common as shit and don't sip champaign at parties) but I just googled it - it costs the same as a bottle of Jack Daniels lol.

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

I still can't believe that people think £20 wine or a bottle of JD isn't expensive.

I drink the cheap aldi version of peach schnapps when I have a drink, and consider spending a tenner on archers a huge treat 😂😂

The value of alcohol is subjective. I don't consider £20 wine expensive on the basis that a 'treat myself' bottle would cost more. £15 - £20 is what I'd bring for a host gift/serve at a dinner I host if wine is expected with the meal. If I wanted to get red wine drunk (which I rarely do nowadays) then £5 is the max.

Lots of people consider the above pretentious, but don't mind paying £6 for a pint or £10 for a cocktail (this is the price in a lot of 'ordinary' Manchester bars, the fancier ones cost more). I consider this expensive but then I don't like going out for drinks anyway.

YABU for playing drinking games in your 30's and drinking Jack Daniels. Grow up.

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

When I host I lay out booze on the table for people to drink. I would be irritated by someone asking me if they could have some every 5 minutes.

Do you do that with buffets or bring a dish meals too? If not, what's the difference?

There's a huge difference between people pouring the odd drink from a bottle you took over, and your whole bottle of alcohol being polished off in 10 minutes of doing shots and leaving none of the bottle at all for the rest of the evening.

Well from the OP, it sounds like everyone I'm attendance was playing the game and the op was just the one to pour the next round. I imagine that includes the friend in question. If everyone is playing, all drinks are fair game as far as I'm concerned.

@TractorAndHeadphones it's true that the value is subjective. However the op has decided the JD her friend took over was cheap and crap and only good for using in a game. She is putting her own, particularly arrogant, view on what the friends alcohol is good for, while not contributing anything herself.

I don't care what anyone drinks, I don't care how much it costs, but I certainly wouldn't look down my nose at anyone's choices and make a decision about what their contribution should be used for based on my personal taste.

The op was rude.

Well from the OP, it sounds like everyone I'm attendance was playing the game and the op was just the one to pour the next round. I imagine that includes the friend in question. If everyone is playing, all drinks are fair game as far as I'm concerned.

Why didn't the op offer up the bottle she took over then?

If we were having drinking games we would generally use something like tequila, sambuca or some kind of vodka sour.

Can’t ever remember using JD as a shot.

Also can’t remember the last time we played a drinking game but that’s neither here nor there.

I can’t believe you’re playing drinking games in your thirties 🤣

I can’t believe you’re arguing about whose booze is whose at a party in your thirties 🤣🤣

Total respect to you all for having a lot more fun than me though.

Anyway - if you all get on fine then she was unreasonable, but my guess is she has some kind of problem with you eg thinks you drink more than you contribute and that this was why she grabbed the bottle…

I mean, isn’t the point of bringing a bottle for the host that it is used as part of drinks for the party?

Some people squirrel these away if they are particularly posh but usually it’s some old shit that nobody wants.

Also, people sometimes bring a bottle if it’s something they drink but they know the host won’t have and then they open it themselves and leave whatever is left for the host. Maybe this was your friends plan.

JD is really not all that, and if it was open then someone must have already had some which makes it more odd.

If it was a present for the host because it was their favourite then maybe. How old were all the people involved? People my age and older tend to share/bring drinks and buy rounds in pubs but we have noticed that people 25 and under don’t really do this anymore and just buy their own.

[quote ABCeasyasdohrayme]@TractorAndHeadphones it's true that the value is subjective. However the op has decided the JD her friend took over was cheap and crap and only good for using in a game. She is putting her own, particularly arrogant, view on what the friends alcohol is good for, while not contributing anything herself.

I don't care what anyone drinks, I don't care how much it costs, but I certainly wouldn't look down my nose at anyone's choices and make a decision about what their contribution should be used for based on my personal taste.

The op was rude.[/quote]
The OP seems to have 2 categories : luxury alcohols, and everything else. From what she said JD is not in the former category. We don't know that she picked the JD in particular. She might have just picked the nearest open bottle.

We also don't know what the party's expectations were. Was everyone supposed to bring a bottle? Had the host provided enough alcohol - but decided to put some brought by guests out anyway? So the OP's not being shared didn't matter because it wasn't the point. She wasn't told to bring what she'd drink.

You're right that nobody's contributions should be looked down upon but in my experience anything that's on the table is fair game. I would find anybody protesting that 'their' contribution was too special to be used for X purpose strange because if the bottle was a host gift it's the host's to do what they like. And the host opened it and left it on a table. It's not the contributor's anymore!

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

Well from the OP, it sounds like everyone I'm attendance was playing the game and the op was just the one to pour the next round. I imagine that includes the friend in question. If everyone is playing, all drinks are fair game as far as I'm concerned.

Why didn't the op offer up the bottle she took over then?

Sounds like she gave it to the host, same as he friend did. The host put out the JD and kept OP's bottle out back. How is that the OP's fault?

@KittenCatcher

JD is the USA oldest whisky, its 40% proof and expensive, I wouldnt use it for a drinking game unless I wanted to be unconscious.

I don’t think we get the good stuff over here. Might be a trade deal thing that protects the scotch whiskey as I think there is a limit on what Scottish whiskey can be imported to US too.

I’m really pleased you started this thread, OP. I’m loving the booze snobbery.

ROFL

It sounds like she really values alcohol- or maybe she doesn't have much money so that was a significant gift for her to have given to someone (it probably would be to me.) Jack Daniels isn't that crap, it's a nice present.

It was very rude to just grab the bottle out of my hand forcefully. She could have let me finish pouring the drink, then explained how she felt and asked if we could use something else / another bottle going forward.

Yes but she was trying to stop you using it at all, not wanting you to use it once and then her say 'I'd rather you didn't, old chum.' The present that she had brought she valued and meant for the host, whether the host realized that or not.

And she'd probably had a few drinks.

Just to clarify a few things:

This isnt a BYOB party. Its 1 friend inviting everyone for drinks at theirs for their birthday, and providing 90% of the alcohol (even if nobody brought anything, there would be plenty of alcohol left outside provided by the host). E.g. the drinking games were 90% done using the hosts provided alcohol.

Im not sure why people find the above surprising. Whenever I host, I provide the booze for everyone as well.

If someone gives me something in my hand (i.e. a bottle) and its good, I might keep it safe, or if its normal leave it outside for everyone.

Or if the attendee, brings a bottle of spirit or wine and leaves it outside, Ill leave it outside, as im guessing they brought it for everyone to share.

Twice, someone has given me something good and i've put it away, but as the night went on they suggested cracking it open / bringing it out. And guess what, I brought it out and poured it for everyone, and left it out after.

I just cant understand what some people are saying in terms of you can only play drinking games if your bottle is being used, etc...

I wouldn’t describe and bottle of spirits as cheap (except maybe some Asda own brand vodka) but neither would I think of Jack Daniels as a ‘luxury’ drink (this doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate that many people can’t afford a bottle) It would literally have to be some special aged version bought at duty free in America or something to get super worked up about it.

*any

Op, can you clarify if everyone at the party was playing the game?