Men in the female changing rooms!

[ewchoc]

I know this has been done to death, but I'm sat here waiting for my children to come out of their swimming lessons and getting increasingly annoyed at the number of men in the female changing rooms.

Tiny swimming pool attached to a school with two small changing rooms, clearly marked male and female. Every week there are at least one or two men who insist on bringing their daughters (all under 7) into the female side to change before & after lessons. It's just one open space, no cubicles or individual spaces, and my DD (9) is getting more and more anxious having to change in front of these full grown men!

Am I being precious or should I ask them to use the men's? Their attitude is that it's their daughters who are getting changed, so they can't take them into the male side with all the boys!

I doubt the men would take their daughters into the ladies loo, so why do they think they can do this ?
But then I despise men in ladies changing rooms with their partners.

The only time I haven't cared about this is during our baby swim classes in covid. We had to all use one changing room (again with no cubicles) but this was made really clear and all the adults came in joggers with swim clothes underneath and just chucked them on to leave. We had 2 men there who were really considerate, usually turned up early so we're pool side before most women got there.

Women should be in the women's room, men in the men's the same for juniors. If that means they have to either change solo or can't swim because an appropriate sexed parent can't take them then that is fair enough to me. People can not invade the opposite sex changing rooms.

Yes it is only children getting changed, no adults. I'm sure it hasn't occurred to the school there could be an issue because it would only happen at the weekends when the pool is hired out.

I'll contact the swim school and ask them to contact all parents to clarify the rules and perhaps make the signage clearer.

I haven't felt comfortable talking to the men in question at the time because my children are very sensitive and any sort of disagreement/tense interaction could really set them off (they have special needs, as many others likely do - lessons are open to all, but the school is known for being good with SEN).

There is one toilet but it smells so my children won't go in there. Again, sen is definitely an issue here (and the reason we're using this small school instead of a leisure centre!)

If they're all doing the same class, can you not just ask the men to leave and say you'll keep an eye out for their DDs so no need for them to be there?

How old are these men’s daughters? Surely they are old enough to get themselves dry and changed?
Just mentioned it to my dh and he said he wouldn’t have ever felt comfortable taking our dd into a changing room full of young girls. Obviously these men aren’t thinking beyond the need of their own kids.
I would definitely bring this up with the organisers of the lessons.

At DD’s swimming lessons the changing rooms are unisex and based on the lesson time. Once you’re assigned to a changing room that’s the one you use. It really isn’t an issue, there’s mums and dads helping their boys/girls get dressed. They arrive ready to swim so just have to get dried and changed afterwards, most of the kids seem to have poncho type towels, I certainly don’t recall seeing a naked child in there.

Obviously these men aren’t thinking beyond the need of their own kids

I assume women are not taking their sons into the male changing rooms too.

@GoodnightGrandma

I doubt the men would take their daughters into the ladies loo, so why do they think they can do this ? But then I despise men in ladies changing rooms with their partners.

Apparently lots of men (and women) think jts more appropriate for fathers to take daughters of all ages (including toddlers) into the ladies toilet.

if they want to go swimming they'll have to get their mums to take them or vice versa

my dsis doesnt go swimming but my niece goes in with her df then my sister takes her to change

They need to get out. If their children are too young to get dressed without help, then they can wrap them in a changing towel and take them home in the car. Or ask for the swimming school to supply changing tents. Most 7 year olds should be able to change on their own.

If it's only children changing can they all just go in there alone and if they need help due to sen then surely the parent should take them into a toilet cubicle?

Our swim school rents pool space from a local school as well. They have a published policy that children 8 and under can go into the change room corresponding to their guardians sex (so boys go into female change room up to age 8 if their Mum/Nan/Aunt/sister is there with them) but at age 9 children are to go into the change room that corresponds with their sex, so boys into the male change room even if their mum is there with them. This means some kids are changing alone with their mum or dad waiting out in the hall. Not ideal but it is the best option since there aren’t individual changing rooms.

It's a safeguarding issue that these men are present when other young girls are getting changed. And what a message to send to young girls who may feel uncomfortable in their presence.

Press the school, and use the word safeguarding.

Complain but after a similar complaint our local SEN school (with private swim lessons on wknds) decided to make all changing rooms mixed which resulted in girls beginning to drop out of classes from about 10-12. When this was called out they closed the pool completely for private events.

@Twoweekcruise

How old are these men’s daughters? Surely they are old enough to get themselves dry and changed? Just mentioned it to my dh and he said he wouldn’t have ever felt comfortable taking our dd into a changing room full of young girls. Obviously these men aren’t thinking beyond the need of their own kids. I would definitely bring this up with the organisers of the lessons.

OP has mentioned that the children have special needs.

It is a bit of a dilemma and while I understand where the Dad's are coming from, I would not be happy with this either.

I'm faced with the same situation when I take my 8 year old son to his swimming lessons. He's at the age where he's very curious about bodies and as I don't want the girls to feel uncomfortable, I take him into the Men's changing room. The only alternative is to stand and wait for the only unisex changing room to become free.

That's a really difficult situation.

As a temporary solution can you have your own kids arrive changed and have a swimming poncho to change under afterwards? I think that of all the suggestions offered the one @NativityDreaming outlines makes most sense to me, but there seem to be a lot of different opinions.

I had this once in a water park in Spain. Small, open changing room and this man walked in with his daughter who was around 3.

I said 'you do know this is the ladies?!' He said 'yes, my daughter is a lady'

You are not though are you and you have no business to be in the female changing room. He really didn't think it was wrong

If the girls are under 8 they need to go in the men’s to change.
I think there’s potentially a tricky situation if there are children over 8 who still need assistance changing. The swim school will have to think about what they will do there. It’s not fair for men to be in the women’s changing. It’s also not fair for the children to have to change with older children of the opposite sex.

@DefineHappy

Surely there are toilet cubicles? Why can’t the man take his daughter into a toilet cubicle in the men’s change room? She would be visually removed from the other men, and have her privacy and her dad to help her. If the man argues that she can’t walk into the men’s or they aren’t clean, then he announces to all to cover up for a sec whilst she goes straight to the cubicle or he cleans the cubicle for her. Women and girls should not as a group be made feel uncomfortable with a male in their change room.

His little girl also has rights. The design is the problem, there is no way of making this OK for every child without some changes e.g. cubicles, curtains or something.

@BungleandGeorge

If the girls are under 8 they need to go in the men’s to change. I think there’s potentially a tricky situation if there are children over 8 who still need assistance changing. The swim school will have to think about what they will do there. It’s not fair for men to be in the women’s changing. It’s also not fair for the children to have to change with older children of the opposite sex.

I don't think it is anymore acceptable for the little girl to go in the male changing room (I think it is children changing not adults) not fair to her or the boys who won't want her in there. They all need proper facilities.

The leisure centre is at fault really, their is always family changing rooms in all the ones I’ve been too because parents take their kids swimming the most.

@Rainbowheart1

The leisure centre is at fault really, their is always family changing rooms in all the ones I’ve been too because parents take their kids swimming the most.

Its a school, not a public leisure centre. Schools usually have two groups for changing, boys and girls. Hence the problem.