Men in the female changing rooms!

[ewchoc]

I know this has been done to death, but I'm sat here waiting for my children to come out of their swimming lessons and getting increasingly annoyed at the number of men in the female changing rooms.

Tiny swimming pool attached to a school with two small changing rooms, clearly marked male and female. Every week there are at least one or two men who insist on bringing their daughters (all under 7) into the female side to change before & after lessons. It's just one open space, no cubicles or individual spaces, and my DD (9) is getting more and more anxious having to change in front of these full grown men!

Am I being precious or should I ask them to use the men's? Their attitude is that it's their daughters who are getting changed, so they can't take them into the male side with all the boys!

@WonderfulYou

Funny isn't it - they don't want their daughters exposed somehow to other men, but don't give a shit about yours or the other women in there.

Funny isn’t it - how there’s an entire thread of posters supposedly caring about girls not getting changed in front of men - unless it’s a girl they don’t know, then they couldn’t give a shit.

Have you misunderstood the post you quoted? I can't understand what you are saying.

If our only choice was to get the bus home then we would have to complain about the lack of adequate changing space or find another swimming lesson with different facilities. Regardless my husband still wouldn’t go into the ladies with our daughter. He would have taken her into the men’s… and if some of the men were pissing around posing naked, doing push ups he would’ve told them to bloody pack it in I’m sure.

I think that WonderfulYou is prioritising the daughter of the man, and saying that she shouldn't have to get changed in front of men. Therefore man should come into female changing room and make everyone uncomfortable.

I wonder if men who thinks this is ok realises tey are making things less safe for their own daughters in the long run. The most vulnerable users are the girls who are in the changing room unaccompanied,too old to change in the mens and with carers who don't see it as appropriate to enter. In a couple of years, this will be their daughters... who may then still need escorting due to all the other unknown men entering.

My DDs are 8&10 and go camping and watersports with their father, who has to trust that unknown men aren't going to follow them into changing rooms.

(My eldest had school swimming in Yr1. Even at that age, they had a male teacher outside the boys, female outside the girls and they all managed to get changed! Sometimes children are a lit more capable than we think. Obviously some children with additional needs will need help, but most can change by themselves in a private changing room (as in not open to the public)

These men done have daughters. So many look like they won’t have kids. They have absolutely nothing to lose.

Far better for a little girl to be in the men’s with her father, screening her with a towel etc than for men to just be inviting themselves into the women’s, surrounded by women with nowhere else to change. I’m sure these men use it as a fucking excuse. ‘My young daughter can’t possibly go in the men’s even though I’ll be in there with here so I’ll just rock up and bother all of you as you get undressed.’ Sick of it. Complain. The OLDEST person in the party should be the one who determines which sex changing room is used. He’s not a woman. He’s a man. Into the men’s he goes.

@Vanishun

I think that WonderfulYou is prioritising the daughter of the man, and saying that she shouldn't have to get changed in front of men. Therefore man should come into female changing room and make everyone uncomfortable.

Surely we should want all girls changing where they are comfortable, the answer is improve the changing facilities not decide which girls get priority. They should all get priority.

@Thwackit

Far better for a little girl to be in the men’s with her father, screening her with a towel etc than for men to just be inviting themselves into the women’s, surrounded by women with nowhere else to change. I’m sure these men use it as a fucking excuse. ‘My young daughter can’t possibly go in the men’s even though I’ll be in there with here so I’ll just rock up and bother all of you as you get undressed.’ Sick of it. Complain. The OLDEST person in the party should be the one who determines which sex changing room is used. He’s not a woman. He’s a man. Into the men’s he goes.

Why would women be getting changed for a children's swimming lesson?

@Itsnotallaboutyoubaby

If our only choice was to get the bus home then we would have to complain about the lack of adequate changing space or find another swimming lesson with different facilities. Regardless my husband still wouldn’t go into the ladies with our daughter. He would have taken her into the men’s… and if some of the men were pissing around posing naked, doing push ups he would’ve told them to bloody pack it in I’m sure.

Everyone should be complaining about the lack of adequate changing spaces.

If men were pissing around posing naked or doing push up for a children's swimming lesson there is a big problem.

It is a school. School changing rooms are typically open plan. If parents don't like the facilities, I'm sure there are other classes available.

@donquixotedelamancha

I'm amazed you put up with this once. They need to leave immediately and (depending on their behaviour) I'd seriously consider reporting them to the police.

An under 7 girl getting changed in front of male children is not a big deal; adult men watching girls change is.

Men would be in the male changing room, seeing young girls getting changed if their fathers take them in there.

What’s the answer?

This wouldn’t bother me. We have mixed sex changing rooms at our leisure centre and it’s fine.

I struggle to believe a child of 7 can't get themselves changed for the pool. My 8yo was 6 he used the mens (swimming lessons so not loads of strangers around and I nipped through the ladies and met him on the otherside. If costumes are awkward swim shorts and a rash vest is easier. Lots of solutions that don't involve men in the ladies changing room.

@TooWicked

There is a name for an adult male who think he has the right to stroll into a female changing room where a bunch of female children are getting undressed.

I don’t give a fuck what his excuse for doing that is, and I would be asking him very loudly why he is in a female changing room where 9 year old girls are getting undressed.

It is the father who needs to find a solution to his problem, and that solution should not involve availing himself of the female facilities and/or making female children uncomfortable.

Female solidarity at its best. Can't we advocate for all little girls, not just our own. The little girls like my neighbours GD whose mother clearned off when she was a few months old, how sad she doesn't matter or the girl who went to school with my DD whose mother died of cancer. Little girls who for whatever reason are with their dad. Why wouldn't we advocate for them?

@womaninatightspot

I struggle to believe a child of 7 can't get themselves changed for the pool. My 8yo was 6 he used the mens (swimming lessons so not loads of strangers around and I nipped through the ladies and met him on the otherside. If costumes are awkward swim shorts and a rash vest is easier. Lots of solutions that don't involve men in the ladies changing room.

I think getting properly dry and dressed at the end is more tricky than getting into their swimming costume.

@whynotwhatknot

if they want to go swimming they'll have to get their mums to take them or vice versa

my dsis doesnt go swimming but my niece goes in with her df then my sister takes her to change

Shortsighted... What if they don't have mum's? Outrageous comment.

Tough situation as can understand why a little girl wouldn't want to change in front of boys also, he's protecting his kid.... And whilst yes, ideally he shouldn't be there, a solution needs to be worked through not throw safeguarding at him. Maybe there is a disabled toilet outside of the changing rooms he could be directed as swimming pool toilets are notoriously disgusting.

The answer is family cubicles, there is no other solution that suits everyone. Maybe a communal room for males or females, and some separate unisex cubicles.

I wasn’t at all happy sending my son into the male changing rooms unaccompanied; there are plenty of paedophiles who like little boys too. Safeguarding is for all children.

Men would be in the male changing room, seeing young girls getting changed if their fathers take them in there.

Doesn't matter though does it because mothers wouldn't witness it.

What's your solution @ancientgran? Dads shouldn't be in women's changing rooms. If they're worried about their daughters being naked around other dads, then they need to find a solution which isn't about them using the women's changing rooms.

Like a changing towel or something.

@ancientgran I was that little girl without a mum. I had to go into the men’s with my dad until I was old enough to sort myself out and go into the ladies independently.

It would be much better for places to have the family changing option now as we have progressed as a society… but they definitely didn’t when I was younger!

Agree it’s totally inappropriate, I can’t believe the men don’t feel uncomfortable about doing it.

Are there mothers going into the men’s with their boys as well? Or are mums with boys in the same changing room with the girls, as that would be bad too?

The whole setup sounds like it just cannot work, they need to put in some privacy.

I think that WonderfulYou is prioritising the daughter of the man, and saying that she shouldn't have to get changed in front of men. Therefore man should come into female changing room and make everyone uncomfortable.

The daughter of the man will have to get changed in front of a large group of men and young boys and zero women.
The other daughters will be getting changed in front of mainly women, girls and 1 man.
Can you not see the difference between to two?

People have ridiculously suggested that the young girl gets changed on her own.
If that’s the case maybe no adults should be allowed in any of the changing rooms and the children should just be allowed to get on with it.

Regardless grown men should not be in a ladies changing room… and grown women should not be in a men’s changing room.

I'd rather a man came into a room full of women and their children than forcing a young girl to be naked Infront of men and boys.

We need to stop sexualising young girls by making them afraid of every man just incase one is a pedo, there are women pedos too, but you're perfectly happy to just ignore that.

The answer is family cubicles, there is no other solution that suits everyone. Maybe a communal room for males or females, and some separate unisex cubicles.

I wasn’t at all happy sending my son into the male changing rooms unaccompanied; there are plenty of paedophiles who like little boys too. Safeguarding is for all children.

I completely agree.

I'd rather a man came into a room full of women and their children than forcing a young girl to be naked Infront of men and boys.

But then you're just forcing all the girls in the female changing room to be naked in front of men. Including girls who are unaccompanied by a parent because their fathers are waiting outside for them. So then those fathers choose to come into the women's changing-room because they don't want to leave their daughters alone with strange men. So suddenly it's not just one dad in the women's changing-room but 3/4/5. Bizarre !