Men in the female changing rooms!

[ewchoc]

I know this has been done to death, but I'm sat here waiting for my children to come out of their swimming lessons and getting increasingly annoyed at the number of men in the female changing rooms.

Tiny swimming pool attached to a school with two small changing rooms, clearly marked male and female. Every week there are at least one or two men who insist on bringing their daughters (all under 7) into the female side to change before & after lessons. It's just one open space, no cubicles or individual spaces, and my DD (9) is getting more and more anxious having to change in front of these full grown men!

Am I being precious or should I ask them to use the men's? Their attitude is that it's their daughters who are getting changed, so they can't take them into the male side with all the boys!

At my sons swimming lessons there was a boys changing room, a girls and unisex. While my son was getting changed in the boys a mum kept walking in and out of there grabbing bits and bobs. She only did it twice before I told her to stop as my son was getting changed. You have to be very short sighted to not realise that even children will feel uncomfortable getting changed in front of the opposite sex. Speak up. Tell them to take their daughters into the men’s as there are young girls changing. They may just be as stupid as the woman I had to talk to.

Except when I was 7 I had to do this and was mortified and distressed. Ended up crying. Really there need to be curtains up or cubicles so dads can go into men’s or vice versa with their opposite sex child.

I understand and agree, I've been in this exact situation as a dad and there are times it's difficult but going into the womens area is completely not on.

In this situation where (presumably) the children can't change themselves it's clearly much more appropriate for only two girls to be changing in the presence of men, than all of them.

At best they've been very thoughtless. Why not get them changed before hand or ask if there is another room they can use?

I had this experience when taking my 10 year old to her swim lesson at a school. There was a dad in the female changing room with his two daughters, plus a 10/11 year boy with his mum!! I asked whether we were in the female changing room and the dad said 'oh sorry' and walked out. I didn't make a fuss about the 10/11 year old boy but he wasn't there the week after.

I tend to think (excluding sen) that once dc are old enough to have an issue with getting changed in the "wrong" gender changing room they can probably go solo into the "right" changing room solo.

But if that is not possible there are other solutions (we used to take the dc to swimming with costumes on under clothing, and then chuck a towel dress on after) that don't involve prioritising your own needs over every other woman and girl present.

I would complain.

Completely unacceptable. Complain, complain, complain until the situation improves. It’s their duty to find a solution for understandably not wanting to take their daughter’s into the men’s changing room and not dump their issue on women and girls who are entitled to their own private space no matter what.

If the same parents go every week, then isn't it possible just to keep an eye out for each other's kids? So you keep an eye on the male parent's girls and the male parent can keep an eye on any boys coming with a female parent. Most children older than around 5/6 can change themselves so you just need someone keeping an eye and to make sure they don't mess around.

There's been this exact same thread previously but with the sexes reversed - a mum who thought it was ok to spend the lesson sat in the male changing room waiting for her son and complaining about mens arses bobbing about in front of her.

With open changing areas (pretty typical being a school) there's no easy solution for parents taking opposite sex children. I can see the additional confusing as the changing areas are likely to be denominated as 'boys changing room' and 'girls changing room' rather than male/female changing, leading to them being selected by the sex of the child rather than the parent

The venue should have anticipated this and made arrangements accordingly

No YANBU.

Their daughters should have to go in to the ladies on their own or go in to the men’s with their dads if they are little or have additional needs.

I wouldn’t want men in the female changing rooms but I also wouldn’t want my daughter getting changed in front of a room full of men.

I can see why they’d choose this option - one room has 20 odd women and 1 man, the other room has 20 odd men and one young girl - from a danger/peadophile POV the women’s changing rooms are a lot more safe for a girl to get changed in.

However it’s not fair on anyone and I’d be writing to the centres management asking if a mixed sex couple of cubicles can be put up somewhere.

Their daughters should have to go in to the ladies on their own

I would not want my young daughter going into a changing room on her own even if it was just females only.

That’s horrendous and totally unacceptable. I would definitely complain and tell them to leave. What girl or woman wants to get changed in front of a bloke.

Tell
Them loudly, I'm sorry but please leave. My daughter does not wish to get changed in front of men.

As their daughters are young they will push back but ask to use the men's.

Funny isn't it - they don't want their daughters exposed somehow to other men, but don't give a shit about yours or the other women in there.

This is the nub of it. Hypocrites. They can’t have it both ways.

It's not acceptable and the men are putting themselves at risk of accusations. Flag it up and keep flagging it up.

I just cannot understand how a grown man thinks it’s ok to be in the women’s changing room. I don’t get it. Yes, I get why a mum might bring a slightly too old male child into the ladies but adult men? How? How is that ever ok?

The women's changing rooms are only safe because men stay out of them.

This isn't a safety issue.... the safety of a girl accompanying a male parent to the male changing-rooms isn't at risk since she has her parent there to look after her. It's a privacy issue and the male parent has no right to put his own DD's privacy above the safety of unaccompanied girls in the women's changing-rooms who should not have to deal with male intruders. How is an unaccompanied girl getting changed safe if there are unrelated men in the room and she doesn't have a parent present?

It’s not okay. Why have separate sex changing at all if they are going to allow men to come into the women’s changing area? They need to create some family changing, or at the very least create a curtained area in each section so a parent can have an opposite sex child change in privacy.

Complain to management. Don't speak to other parents directly. Children with SEN have a greater need for safeguarding than other children and there should be very clear rules around this. There may not be an easy solution but it's up to management to come up with something that works. That's what they're for!

I would not want my young daughter going into a changing room on her own even if it was just females only.

Then she needs to accompany her parent into the men's changing-room if she is there with a male parent.

Many parents will be comfortable sending their young daughters into the female changing-room precisely because it is females only. These children are put at risk by the unexpected presence of adult men when they don't have a parent there to protect them.

There needs to be a clear policy here especially as these changing rooms are open with no cubicles. I presume as it is swimming lessons there are no adults changing, only children? We are lucky that our local leisure centre has cubicles surrounding an open area. The rules are clear there - no people of the opposite sex in single sex changing rooms over the age of 8. There are also family/special needs changing areas. I can imagine that this provision would be difficult to justify for a small school.

Funny isn't it - they don't want their daughters exposed somehow to other men, but don't give a shit about yours or the other women in there.

This is the nub of it. Hypocrites. They can’t have it both ways.

I assume they are doing that totally solipsistic thing of thinking "well I know I'm safe around female people so it's ok", rather than thinking it through properly and realising that (1) everyone else who doesn't know them has no idea if they are safe or not, and (2) most female people don't want to take their clothes off in front of male people they don't know no matter how safe that particular male may be.

Which basically boil down to "It doesn't occur to me that not everyone sees the world from behind my eyes".

I'm an adult who is used to swimming pools having 3 sets of changing rooms male, female and family.
In the UK my local sports/swimming centre has male and female changing room for the gym but the pool area on a different floor has a combined changing area for both male and female with booths but these are open at the top and bottom the same with the 5 toilets with a hand basin outside.
So when l go swimming l wear my togs on underneath unchange in a cubicle swim back into a cubicle to put my clothing back on over my togs head home and use the toilet and shower.
I'm just not comfortable with the way the UK does things.

Is the pool being hired out for lessons exclusively, i.e. no adults are actually getting changed, only children?

If it’s connected to school I’d possibly try the safeguarding route.

Surely there are toilet cubicles?
Why can’t the man take his daughter into a toilet cubicle in the men’s change room?
She would be visually removed from the other men, and have her privacy and her dad to help her.
If the man argues that she can’t walk into the men’s or they aren’t clean, then he announces to all to cover up for a sec whilst she goes straight to the cubicle or he cleans the cubicle for her.
Women and girls should not as a group be made feel uncomfortable with a male in their change room.