Men in the female changing rooms!

[ewchoc]

I know this has been done to death, but I'm sat here waiting for my children to come out of their swimming lessons and getting increasingly annoyed at the number of men in the female changing rooms.

Tiny swimming pool attached to a school with two small changing rooms, clearly marked male and female. Every week there are at least one or two men who insist on bringing their daughters (all under 7) into the female side to change before & after lessons. It's just one open space, no cubicles or individual spaces, and my DD (9) is getting more and more anxious having to change in front of these full grown men!

Am I being precious or should I ask them to use the men's? Their attitude is that it's their daughters who are getting changed, so they can't take them into the male side with all the boys!

And a man doesn't have to be a paedophile or a pervert for his presence to be an affront to the dignity of the girls and women getting changed. So 'not all men are paedophiles or leer at women' is absolutely irrelevant here.

@FreeBritnee

And how can you tell which ones are so we just won't allow those men in? hmm

Paedophiles don’t have swag bags unfortunately. They can be in your kids school, within your local police force, related to your kids friends, the local sports coach, even the swimming teacher! Trying to keep men out of one particular place at one particular time is not going to protect your kids from the male gaze.

I did see one mother last night hold a towel up in the corner of the changing area while her daughter got changed. Maybe you could try that.

You can keep them out of a place where young girls are getting undressed though..........

PS I don't have to try anything because no men have come into a female changing room when I have been in there and they would have been asked to leave if they had done. I like how you're trying to state it's something I or women in general have to deal with though haha No, adult men do not belong in female changing rooms tyvm

@Gliderx

And a man doesn't have to be a paedophile or a pervert for his presence to be an affront to the dignity of the girls and women getting changed. So 'not all men are paedophiles or leer at women' is absolutely irrelevant here.

Very true

@PurpleDaisies

Out of interest, what are people meaning on here when they suggest family changing rooms?

At my pool, there aren’t male and female changing rooms, just rows of individual sizes cubicles and family changing ones which are just a very big version. It works well.

Thank you. Big family cubicles seem to be a good solution.

If the daughters are old enough to be uncomfortable with other dads around (i.e. In the mens change room), they are surely old enough to change themselves alone in the women's change room? I would be so uncomfortable if a man was in an open change room with me...

This would infuriate me. Good on you for speaking up @ewchoc

So it's ok for a strange man to be in a room full of little girls getting undressed as long as he has his own clothes on?

Unfortunately if fathers are involved in parenting equally you quite possibly will end up with half of the little girls in the men's changing rooms with lots of strange men.

It was a lot easier when I was growing up and only mothers were involved. Hence all the boys with their mums were in the men's changing room, and all the girls with their mums were in the women's changing rooms.

@newname12345

So it's ok for a strange man to be in a room full of little girls getting undressed as long as he has his own clothes on?

Unfortunately if fathers are involved in parenting equally you quite possibly will end up with half of the little girls in the men's changing rooms with lots of strange men.

It was a lot easier when I was growing up and only mothers were involved. Hence all the boys with their mums were in the men's changing room, and all the girls with their mums were in the women's changing rooms.

Well, to be blunt, that's their issue to resolve, all other women and girls shouldn't have to put up with having men in their changing areas to accommodate. Single sex spaces are single sex spaces which mean no adult men should ever be in the female changing area.

I don’t think it is up to the parents to solve. I think it’s up to the swimming company or the school to solve by making sure that EVERYONE feels safe whilst getting undressed.

It was a lot easier when I was growing up and only mothers were involved. Hence all the boys with their mums were in the men's changing room, and all the girls with their mums were in the women's changing rooms.

I have never known a woman who has taken her son to change in a men’s changing room. Dh has never seen a woman in the men’s changing.

I cannot understand how people are saying this is a common thing to happen.

I have never known a woman who has taken her son to change in a men’s changing room. Dh has never seen a woman in the men’s changing.

In my experience in primary school changing rooms (which I assume this thread is about) it happened when I grew up and still happens. Totally agree it doesn't happen in changing rooms which are used by adults to change in.

@FreeBritnee

I don’t think it is up to the parents to solve. I think it’s up to the swimming company or the school to solve by making sure that EVERYONE feels safe whilst getting undressed.

But how would they be made aware that it's a problem at all if parents don't do or say something about it? It sounds like you're suggesting that it's the female parents that should have to put up with adult men in their changing rooms or else they should do something about it when the women don't actually need a different space at all, it's the father of daughters that need it.

I did see one mother last night hold a towel up in the corner of the changing area while her daughter got changed. Maybe you could try that.

So women should do some complicated towel aerobics to accommodate men who prefer women's changing rooms? If it's not complicated the fathers with their DDs can do the same in men's changing room, no?

It sounds like you're suggesting that it's the female parents that should have to put up with adult men in their changing rooms or else they should do something about it when the women don't actually need a different space at all, it's the father of daughters that need it.

The OP actually admits the issue will become a problem for her so its not just a 'father' issue.

I take my (young) son into the female changing room and agreed with my husband that as he gets older we'll both have to take them (DH/DS in the mens, me & DD in the woman's).

@newname12345

It sounds like you're suggesting that it's the female parents that should have to put up with adult men in their changing rooms or else they should do something about it when the women don't actually need a different space at all, it's the father of daughters that need it.

The OP actually admits the issue will become a problem for her so its not just a 'father' issue.

I take my (young) son into the female changing room and agreed with my husband that as he gets older we'll both have to take them (DH/DS in the mens, me & DD in the woman's).

It isn't an issue, she just said that they've agreed to both take them when the boys are too old, problem solved...........

He absolutely should not be in the female changing rooms.
I do recognise that presents a dilemma for him though as no doubt it’s not suitable for a girl to change where men and boys are either.

Be interesting to hear what feedback you get.
Maybe the swim school can suggest coming beach ready and taking off onsies poolside or something similar.

I’m assuming her needs mean she couldn’t change alone.

It isn't an issue, she just said that they've agreed to both take them when the boys are too old, problem solved...........

Not an ideal solution (will one of her children miss out if they both can't go?), and obviously doesn't work for all families.

@newname12345

It isn't an issue, she just said that they've agreed to both take them when the boys are too old, problem solved...........

Not an ideal solution (will one of her children miss out if they both can't go?), and obviously doesn't work for all families.

The solution is not for adult men to use the female changing room though, no matter what.

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

Funny isn't it - they don't want their daughters exposed somehow to other men, but don't give a shit about yours or the other women in there

100% this!!

Yes!

I can, in a way, understand why parents would go in the right changing room for the child's sex if everyone is under 7. There are no adult bodies to see etc and if the child's friends are there they might want to be in the same room as them yadda yadda yadda. However, just because I can see why someone would see it this way, doesn't mean I agree with it. I wouldn't take my son in the male changing rooms as I wouldn't want the other children in there to feel uncomfortable.

I started puberty around 7 so I was already developing around this age and would have been mortified if my mates dad's had seen me naked. I appreciate that is a very young age for puberty and probably doesn't affect that many children in this scenario, but you never know and it's unfair to put children in that situation

The solution is to not have open changing areas and just have cubicles. Of course they don't want their daughters getting undressed around loads of men.

Could you offer to take the girls and their dads wait outside. They don't actually need help dressing at that age do they?

@Chocolatewheatos

The solution is to not have open changing areas and just have cubicles. Of course they don't want their daughters getting undressed around loads of men.

Could you offer to take the girls and their dads wait outside. They don't actually need help dressing at that age do they?

You really think parents will ask a stranger to supervise their child getting undressed?!

No way would I ever send my child to get changed with a stranger.

However, just because I can see why someone would see it this way, doesn't mean I agree with it. I wouldn't take my son in the male changing rooms as I wouldn't want the other children in there to feel uncomfortable.

But taking your son into the girls changing room may make both him and the girls in that changing room uncomfortable?

@newname12345

However, just because I can see why someone would see it this way, doesn't mean I agree with it. I wouldn't take my son in the male changing rooms as I wouldn't want the other children in there to feel uncomfortable.

But taking your son into the girls changing room may make both him and the girls in that changing room uncomfortable?

I doubt it...he's 4.

This is where village-style all-cubicle changing rooms come into their own.