Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

[Frederica852]

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away).
DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

I’m fuming in your behalf that he would even ask, for all the aforementioned reasons. Show him this thread.

[quote LovelyIssues]@JennyForeigner but this isn't about you. This is about a women whose child doesn't have meningitis. Please don't worry her unnecessarily. Honestly she will be OK [/quote]
Take your smily face and stick it. Any planned c-section is major surgery, entailing that there is a 100% probability of medical need and recovery, and a high probability of further need from jaundice to pneumonia. You simply clearly have no knowledge of this area - something you might want to consider before further comment.

It’s not clear from your post how long he’d be away for the wedding - your DP has clearly said he won’t go to the stag, and I think a lot of people are answering on the basis he’d be away for the stag for 4 nights. I agree that’s not fair - but if he’s away for just one night for the wedding, I don’t think I could begrudge him that (and vice versa if it came to it)

@Herewegoagain84

It’s not clear from your post how long he’d be away for the wedding - your DP has clearly said he won’t go to the stag, and I think a lot of people are answering on the basis he’d be away for the stag for 4 nights. I agree that’s not fair - but if he’s away for just one night for the wedding, I don’t think I could begrudge him that (and vice versa if it came to it)

The first post makes it clear that both the stag and the wedding are each four nights away. The stag is over the due date, the wedding a couple of weeks later. Both a 4-5hr flight away. It’s not just one night.

[quote LovelyIssues]@NoWordForFluffy yes unfortunately it did and does. But we survived the thought of it was worse then it was lol. Yes it's avoidable but it's a wedding he'd obviously like to go to.[/quote]
So, it worked out fine for you. Well done. Now explain how you're absolutely certain it'll work out just fine for the OP. As in you KNOW it'll be fine. And I'll have Friday's Euromillion numbers while you're at it, too.

@JennyForeigner unfortunately I do know but unfortunately mine was an emergency one with huge complications. Believe me 8 years on I still remember the pain. But we did it, we survived. Move on.

@Herewegoagain84 it's Mumsnet remember. Men are the root of all evil and don't equally deserve the break women do

@Herewegoagain84

It’s not clear from your post how long he’d be away for the wedding - your DP has clearly said he won’t go to the stag, and I think a lot of people are answering on the basis he’d be away for the stag for 4 nights. I agree that’s not fair - but if he’s away for just one night for the wedding, I don’t think I could begrudge him that (and vice versa if it came to it)

OP clearly said the wedding is abroad so her DH would be away for a 4 day holiday, during his paternity leave ,which is meant for PARENTAL leave, not a nice little jolly booze break.

@BlusteringBoobies

Just for those who can't seem to find the 'filter' button or bother to read OPs posts... 👇🏻

And still people saying IF you need a section. There isn't an eye roll big enough for some of the posters on this thread

I had an emergency csec and a 2.5 Yr old. Partner had to go back to work 6 days after I gave birth. No family to help. Yes it was tough but we survived! Let him go to the wedding which is only going to happen once. Honestly you will be fine
But why? Why should the OP put herself through a scenario that by your admission is tough? Your partner had to go to work, so it couldn’t be helped, but wouldn’t you have preferred not to have to do the tough thing? Plus, presumably he came back each night/after each shift, so you could cry/eat/sleep/vent/think “thank fuck”? It doesn’t benefit the OP in any way, shape or form to do a tough motherhood endurance test, and there’s no way of her husband repaying a comparable favour.

[quote LovelyIssues]@Herewegoagain84 it's Mumsnet remember. Men are the root of all evil and don't equally deserve the break women do [/quote]
Now I know you're trolling the thread. 😈

[quote LovelyIssues]@JennyForeigner unfortunately I do know but unfortunately mine was an emergency one with huge complications. Believe me 8 years on I still remember the pain. But we did it, we survived. Move on.[/quote]
Ok, so you do understand she would be ‘going through’ more than just ‘looking after her children’. She would be in a great deal of pain.

Could you really enjoy a four-day holiday while your partner was suffering that kind of pain while also caring for a newborn and toddler plus all the hormonal and emotional upheaval that happens after birth? Wouldn’t you want to be there to look after them?

Men are the root of all evil and don't equally deserve the break women do
What break is the OP getting? And how would she reverse the scenario – perform surgery on him then piss off for a few days? Not impossible even if she’s breastfeeding, she could express – except, oh, then she’s got to express in advance and pump while away to maintain supply. So even in a ridiculous fantasy scenario, she’s not going to get a break. What’s this “deserve” anyway? Does the DH desperately need the respite of a four-day wedding after ::checks notes:: aha, after his partner gives birth. He’ll be exhausted!

I think if he wants to go - he needs to sort out an excellent nanny /mothers help /night nanny to help you over that time.. one you find in advance .. if he can't afford to help you like that he shouldn't be going

@hotmeatymilk because that's what you do in a relationship. You give and take. As OP said he is Dad of the year, missing the stag but really wants to go to the wedding. Is it a huge ask? Yes as joyful previous OP have said child could get meningitis (awful unnecessary thing to say) this could happen, that could happen. You can also be run over tomorrow let him go and enjoy himself and take over when he comes back. It'll be OK

with just a 2 week old id say you will be fine, and manage. But with a 3 year old too in the mix -fuck that he needs to stay at home!!

[quote LovelyIssues]@JennyForeigner unfortunately I do know but unfortunately mine was an emergency one with huge complications. Believe me 8 years on I still remember the pain. But we did it, we survived. Move on.[/quote]
Oh wow.

I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. It takes a Bret Easton Ellis level of callous to think, 'move on' is the right advice for survivors of trauma. You've gone full Mrs Coulter.

Now you've had your fun, run along and kick a puppy or something. Indulge one of your hobbies that isn't giving dangerous advice to vulnerable women on the internet.

Yes, troll.

What a weird way to get your kicks.

@JennyForeigner okayyyyy

Definitely would not be happy him going!!!

@Passenger42

Tell him no way or make arrangements for your mother or a family member to come stay with you. A planned c section can still have problems. I got an infection and had to be kept in a week with baby in SCBU. Your toddler could end up in foster care with no family around. I think your partner is not thinking straight as you coped so well first time around.

I also have suggested getting family in to stay and help for practical support. Cooking meals, looking after baby whilst you rest for an hour etc.

[quote LovelyIssues]@hotmeatymilk because that's what you do in a relationship. You give and take. As OP said he is Dad of the year, missing the stag but really wants to go to the wedding. Is it a huge ask? Yes as joyful previous OP have said child could get meningitis (awful unnecessary thing to say) this could happen, that could happen. You can also be run over tomorrow let him go and enjoy himself and take over when he comes back. It'll be OK[/quote]
Yes, it’s a huge ask. It’s not reasonable. It’s not kind or supportive. But he can be excused for considering it (provided he accepts and understands the explanation as to why it’s such a huge ask and shouldn’t happen) because, unlike you, he hasn’t experienced c-section recovery personally and so perhaps doesn’t realise what he’s suggesting here.

@Herewegoagain84

It’s not clear from your post how long he’d be away for the wedding - your DP has clearly said he won’t go to the stag, and I think a lot of people are answering on the basis he’d be away for the stag for 4 nights. I agree that’s not fair - but if he’s away for just one night for the wedding, I don’t think I could begrudge him that (and vice versa if it came to it)

Try reading the OP again. If your comprehension is really that poor, maybe don't bother to comment.

@LovelyIssues Your issues are less lovely than you think. “Give and take” in parenting is more… “can you do all the bedtimes this week so I can meet my deadline” and “Look, I’ll take them to the playground so you can have a lie-in, but then it’s your turn to pick the food up from under the high chair because I’m at my limit”. Not “I’m going on a four-day piss-up while you recover from major surgery and look after our children, and in return I’ll… nothing”.

Right I'm off to kick a puppy as apparently that's what you do when you've also been in this situation and wanted to reassure OP she would be OK rather then tell her her child may get meningitis. You're an odd bunch