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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

797 replies

Frederica852 · 13/11/2021 22:24

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away).
DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

OP posts:
CellophaneFlower · 15/11/2021 19:36

These comments Confused She doesn't need a sodding doula or night nanny... she needs her partner, you know the one that was happy enough to make this child, by her side!

Someone much further back in the thread was spot on when they said imagine if the dad had had major surgery, then 2 weeks later mum galavanted off for 4 nights and left him with a newborn and toddler. But I'm sure he'd be fine with it if she hired a night nanny Hmm and she'd be so happy to trot off on her jollies without a care in the world.

Sidehustle99 · 15/11/2021 19:36

It would be a flat no from me. They aren't even close. Why does it have to be 4 days?

LovelyIssues · 15/11/2021 19:37

I had an emergency csec and a 2.5 Yr old. Partner had to go back to work 6 days after I gave birth. No family to help. Yes it was tough but we survived! Let him go to the wedding which is only going to happen once. Honestly you will be fine

ThistleTits · 15/11/2021 19:37

@ChilliChaos

Why should she have to manage? They’re his children too. Can you imagine if it was the other way round- people would be frothing that a mum wanted to leave her 2 week old to go off on a 4 day holiday
This ^
TheElectricBoogaloo · 15/11/2021 19:37

@LovelyIssues you sound like my ex-“D”H!!

LovelyIssues · 15/11/2021 19:38

@ddl1 yes they are also his Confused

BlusteringBoobies · 15/11/2021 19:38

@LovelyIssues

They are your children, you will survive
They are also his children. She shouldn't have to "survive"
JennyForeigner · 15/11/2021 19:38

@LovelyIssues

They are your children, you will survive
Yeah, when my baby was diagnosed with neonatal bacterial meningitis with a 52% of death or lifelong disability, that's what I should have said. 'Everybody chill. He's my baby, cancel the intensive care and tell his dad to go on a four-day bender. Apparently the simple act of sharing a gene or two means we're going to be just fine.'

You unmitigated twit.

LovelyIssues · 15/11/2021 19:39

@TheElectricBoogaloo thank you Wink

ddl1 · 15/11/2021 19:39

Partner had to go back to work 6 days after I gave birth. No family to help. Yes it was tough but we survived!

Presumably your partner's workplace isn't a 4 to 5 hour flight away?

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 15/11/2021 19:39

@LovelyIssues

I had an emergency csec and a 2.5 Yr old. Partner had to go back to work 6 days after I gave birth. No family to help. Yes it was tough but we survived! Let him go to the wedding which is only going to happen once. Honestly you will be fine
Going to work is a little different to going abroad for four nights.

Yes, she will survive but it will impact her recovery from surgery, put her more at risk of PND and it’s all for something a lot less necessary (albeit enjoyable!) than work.

NoWordForFluffy · 15/11/2021 19:39

@LovelyIssues

I had an emergency csec and a 2.5 Yr old. Partner had to go back to work 6 days after I gave birth. No family to help. Yes it was tough but we survived! Let him go to the wedding which is only going to happen once. Honestly you will be fine
Did his work take him away for 4 nights at a time?

And , frankly, who gives a shiny shit that you coped? Why should the OP have to, when it's avoidable? I despair of so many posters on this thread, I really do.

Luminousnose · 15/11/2021 19:39

So your husband isn’t close to this friend? If he was I’d be more sympathetic, but he essentially wants a mini-break with a few pals while you stay home and look after your newborn and 3 year old. Are you planning on breast feeding op? If not, maybe suggest you go for a spa break immediately after the birth and he can stay home with both children while you recuperate.

LovelyIssues · 15/11/2021 19:40

@JennyForeigner but this isn't about you. This is about a women whose child doesn't have meningitis. Please don't worry her unnecessarily. Honestly she will be OK Grin

NoWordForFluffy · 15/11/2021 19:41

[quote LovelyIssues]@JennyForeigner but this isn't about you. This is about a women whose child doesn't have meningitis. Please don't worry her unnecessarily. Honestly she will be OK Grin[/quote]
Oh, another poster with an empathy bypass, AND a crystal ball. Hmm

LovelyIssues · 15/11/2021 19:41

@NoWordForFluffy yes unfortunately it did and does. But we survived Wink the thought of it was worse then it was lol. Yes it's avoidable but it's a wedding he'd obviously like to go to.

BlusteringBoobies · 15/11/2021 19:43

Just for those who can't seem to find the 'filter' button or bother to read OPs posts... 👇🏻

Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?
lifeinlimbo2020 · 15/11/2021 19:44

@CherryRedDMs

But if you go overdue the baby might be a few days old or not yet born. If you end up with a section, at that stage you might not be ready to take care of a three year old. I couldn’t have lifted my toddler at that stage, for example.
Exactly this.
TurquoiseDragon · 15/11/2021 19:44

@tearinghairout

I'm very surprised - I've never known a bloke who actually wanted to go to a wedding! Since you're having a c-section, it's too much of a risk. He shouldn't go.
Given it's 4 nights away, I doubt it's the wedding that's the attraction, but rather the chance of a 4 day bender with friends and zero responsibilities.
2021mumma · 15/11/2021 19:46

I had a csection and have a three year old I can tell you 2 weeks after the birth I was in a state! I cannot imagine husband being away let alone wanting to be away. I think he’s being extremely unrealistic!

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 15/11/2021 19:46

[quote LovelyIssues]@NoWordForFluffy yes unfortunately it did and does. But we survived Wink the thought of it was worse then it was lol. Yes it's avoidable but it's a wedding he'd obviously like to go to.[/quote]
It’s totally inexplicable to me that having experienced this yourself, you think another woman should also go through it for the sake of a wedding. It’s almost unbelievably callous and dismissive and the laughing emojis come across as deeply insensitive.

LovelyIssues · 15/11/2021 19:47

@Whatamess582 agreed

LovelyIssues · 15/11/2021 19:48

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue they're not "going through" anything. Just looking after their children BlushConfused gosh

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 15/11/2021 19:48

[quote LovelyIssues]@NoOtherShadeOfBlue they're not "going through" anything. Just looking after their children BlushConfused gosh[/quote]
Um…recovering from major surgery??

BlusteringBoobies · 15/11/2021 19:49

[quote LovelyIssues]@Whatamess582 agreed[/quote]
So you agree he shouldn't go then? As the last line of the post your agree with states that if she's having a c section (which she has said numerous times she is) then he shouldn't go?

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