Not wanting to be left alone with 2week old?

[Frederica852]

Our baby is due around the time of DH friend's stag do and wedding (stag do looks to be on or around the due date and the wedding 2-3 weeks later). Both are taking place abroad and will necessitate a 4 night stay (in different locations but each a 4-5 hour flight away).
DH is not particularly close to this friend, they're both part of the same wider group.

DH is saying he'll miss the stag do but really wants to go to the wedding so this will mean me staying at home with a 2 week old and a 3 year old. I have no family nearby and no help. I'm kind of shocked he wants to go and don't know how to say I'm terrified of being left alone so early on but don't know if I'm just being OTT

YA definitely NBU! No way would I be happy with this and my partner wouldn't even have considered it.

My comment about hitting the roof absolutely applies to you having a planned c-section. Does he not remember the first time around? The constant breast-feeding, the exhaustion, the getting up sideways off the bed so you don't pull your stitches? And he thinks he can add a toddler to that mix and fuck off on a jolly for the best part of a week, leaving you to struggle immediately post-partum?

I know some women have to do it, and some have to do it with no family support at all. But some women also have to get by with no financial support - that doesn't mean that fathers can voluntarily opt out of their financial responsibilities and not be seen as feckless bastards just because other women survive. The same applies to opting out of giving practical support for no good reason as well.

Sorry, OP, this has really got to me - it's so ridiculous and self-involved a suggestion on his part.

As a further point, if the wedding is during his paternity leave, his work may well have something to say about his misuse of the time. Companies bear the financial hit of paternity leave for the social good of a father spending time with and supporting his family. It's literally for the purpose of care of dependants - not "holiday".

You physically won't be able to look after them both post c section and he's completely unreasonable to ask. You probably won't be able to sit up with out help and run a very real risk of tearing the internal stitches out
You pick something up too heavy for you or have to lunge after the toddler ect. He's a selfish arse for even suggesting it - it's not a question of choice you physically won't be able to.

OP you are definitely not being unreasonable. Especially with a three year old in the mix. Also he might risk missing the birth and who will look after three year old if you go into labour have to spend time in hospital after. It's not just women who have csections that end up staying longer in hospital. A friend of mine spent a week after her perfectly normal easy birth because of feeding problems and it wasn't her first baby. It's such an unpredictable timr

As long as he’s completely fine with you booking a nice 4 day stay in a health spa the following weekend, leaving him alone with the kids!!

@Newtoittoo , @Kdubs1981 , @Volhhg , @wertheppl and others, I take it you missed that OP is having a planned CS?

@eddiemairswife

Why can't you manage?

How will OP get to have a shower? Eat a hot meal? Sleep a little? You either had extremely easy babies, loads of help or you've forgotten what it's like.

You probably won't be able to sit up with out help

Whilst I don't think he should go, that's a ridiculous view of recovery of a section. If you couldn't sit up unaided after 2 weeks, something has gone very wrong! As in, should be back in hospital wrong. I dont think they'd even discharge you from hospital (usually after 24-48hrs) if you couldnt sit up without help.

OP of course YANBU for wanting your husband to be with you to help 2 weeks after a c section and with another small child to look after. Don't let anyone else tell you differently.

Absolutely not a fucking chance. So, so selfish to even be considering it!

As a widowed lone parent who has no choice, I'm just going to politely step out... 🚶🏼‍♀️

@Almostmenopausal

As a widowed lone parent who has no choice, I'm just going to politely step out... 🚶🏼‍♀️

Yes, you and other single parents have to cope on your own because you have to but it does not mean that someone in a marriage has to because of a non important event .

Yes, you and other single parents have to cope on your own because you have to

It strikes me as quite unusual for a woman to be a lone parent and totally on her own after recently having a baby. I actually had my ex-MIL to help me and my dd had me.

Or you don’t have children at all.

@TurquoiseDragon yep! I got over excited in my rage and only read the OP initially. Mumsnet sin

This would be madness especially as you know you’re having a section. In truth, the newborn felt like the easy one (apart from the no sleep) when my second was born. It really is very relentless dealing with the lack of sleep plus a toddler. There isn’t any chance for a rest during the day if you’ve got the 3yo as well.

Well yeah, if you're single & choose to get knocked up by some random then you'll have to deal with your newborn + older child on your own (and so you should!)

What a totally dickish thing to say!

You'll be fine OP. Let him go!

I raised three small children totally without help

Had you just had a c-section?

No, you won't be able to lift the three year old!!! That is major surgery. You won't be able to lift the baby carriage. You will still be recovering from major surgery. You will need support.

I really think the c section is neither here nor there. I had vaginal births and still wouldn't have wanted to be left on my own with a newborn and a 3 year old. Of course if it was an emergency or something really significant (eg his brother's wedding) I would cope but just something like this, no way

I am thunderstruck that 20% of people have voted YABU.

On top of everything else - major surgery, widespread Covid, bonding with your own child, risk of 10 day baby blues, uncertain reaction from a toddler sibling, etc, etc - the NHS is under such huge strain just now. Can it be relied on to be a safe backstop right now?