Page 6 | To ask if it’s common these day to live at home

Namenic · 13/11/2021 22:54

Common in my culture. But DH is British and lived at home till we got married. He was able to save towards a deposit. I saw it as financially responsible.

goose1964 · 13/11/2021 22:59

It's common enough around us as rents are so high there aren't many one bed flats s for rent at under a grand, so that's a big chunk of your income if you're on minimum of even living wage.

RedWingBoots · 13/11/2021 23:06

I live in London.

I have adult nephews and nieces plus friends' adult children who live with their parents. I've also noticed other random people I pass regularly who are clearly are in their 20s and 30s living with their parents.

Lots of the parents have large houses and/or houses in very desirable locations which unless their adult children can afford 800K+ they have no chance of buying. Also even if they can afford to move out of their parents home they would be paying a good whack to rent a room and as their parents live in London it makes sense for them to save their money, pay board and live with their parents until they can afford a property.

Incidentally some of the adult children are 40+. They have moved back in with their parents after their marriages have failed and frequently end up being the carers of their elderly parents so can't move out again.

julieca · 13/11/2021 23:16

Interesting redwingboots. I do not come from a well off family. My young adult relatives have jobs like working in Amazon warehouse. They all live independently by their early twenties.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/11/2021 23:21

Up until 25 I think it's common.
25-30 it's not rare
30+ it's fine under certain circumstances (finances, separations etc)

Ultimately, home is where the heart is, and we should always feel safe and loved at home. I would want my children to know that they can always come home if they need to....but I'd want them to be able do whatever makes them happy and appreciate that in most cases that means
Independence by 25+.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/11/2021 23:24

Also, don't forget that many young people return home to care for their parents....

justasking111 · 13/11/2021 23:39

DS 1 went to university got a job away was miserable, a job came up locally so he moved home. He then got a job abroad for six years only home at Xmas. Then back home met his future wife, they found a little house both lived with us for a bit while the house was modernised. He was 30 when he finally left home.

Dropcloth · 13/11/2021 23:49

@RedWingBoots

I live in London.

I have adult nephews and nieces plus friends' adult children who live with their parents. I've also noticed other random people I pass regularly who are clearly are in their 20s and 30s living with their parents.

Lots of the parents have large houses and/or houses in very desirable locations which unless their adult children can afford 800K+ they have no chance of buying. Also even if they can afford to move out of their parents home they would be paying a good whack to rent a room and as their parents live in London it makes sense for them to save their money, pay board and live with their parents until they can afford a property.

Incidentally some of the adult children are 40+. They have moved back in with their parents after their marriages have failed and frequently end up being the carers of their elderly parents so can't move out again.

I think that’s an insane parallel, though. Most of us couldn’t buy our parents’ houses, regardless of whether or not they cost north of £800 k, but there’s no law that says you have to live with your parents until you can buy the kind of house you grew up in. You buy somewhere tiny or distant — when we were looking for our first flat in London, the places we were seeing were tiny and in cheap areas. I remember seeing a one-bed in Clacton which was so small the fridge of the current inhabitants was out on the landing outside their door.

RedWingBoots · 13/11/2021 23:59

@Dropcloth most of the younger people I talk to want a 2 or 3 bedroom place as they plan to have children and don't want to move due to the cost of moving. They don't necessarily want it where their parents live so look in cheaper locations.

Incidentally not all the people are graduates. Some are in the trades and seem to have their heads more screwed on. They use their skills and contacts to buy something that needs to be done up.

julieca · 14/11/2021 00:02

@Talkwhilstyouwalk

Also, don't forget that many young people return home to care for their parents....

This is fairly rare.

julieca · 14/11/2021 00:03

@Dropcloth I agree. I couldnt buy an £800k house now. But most people start off somewhere small and work up. If you want your perfect family home in order to leave home, then that is a bit crazy.

buckingmad · 14/11/2021 00:03

Out of my school group of 5, 2 have bought (including me), 1 rents and the other 2 rented for a bit but have both moved back home. We’re 27. The 3 that haven’t bought didn’t go to uni. All my uni friends have moved out but in rented.

Positive21 · 14/11/2021 00:36

I think it's weird that people think it's ok to judge someone based on whether they left home in their early 20's or not.

My area is extortionate. I was at uni, then got a job, and moved in with my boyfriends parents.

We could have moved out almost immediately and rented for the rest of our lives, but we stayed out and bought our own property last year. I was 30, my OH was 36. His mum has actually take it very badly with us moving out. We contributed to bills, bought our own food/toiletries etc and she struggled when we left because she feels lonely.

I would have picked this situation a million times over moving out in my early 20's and renting forever just to say I did it at an early age.

I never judged my partner for living with his parents either. Unfortunately, some people do actually have to work minimum wage jobs, and we did this, saving money whilst also enjoying our new relationship. It meant we didn't rush into a mortgage with the wrong person and things are falling into place so nicely now I feel incredibly lucky. Sure it would have been nice to have done everything a little earlier, but I'm grateful for everything we've had and done together and now have got

ISpyCobraKai · 14/11/2021 00:38

Is it judging or is it having an opinion and deciding you don't want to date someone based on it?

julieca · 14/11/2021 00:55

@Positive21 people have all kinds of opinions they don't normally share face-to-face. I wanted a partner with gumption and get up and go. I think living at home shows you have less of that. You can disagree. But ultimately we all make decisions about what is important to us in a partner. And we will all disagree with some other peoples assessments.

XenoBitch · 14/11/2021 01:02

@ISpyCobraKai

Is it judging or is it having an opinion and deciding you don't want to date someone based on it?

Nothing wrong with deciding that someone living with their parents is not for you... But MN often mentions the "red flags" that you should avoid... being on benefits, living with parents, no "real" career etc. As a woman that has some of those red flags, am I meant to just die alone in misery?

julieca · 14/11/2021 01:08

MN has some views very different to the norm.
I always assume some of those red flags are describing a 40 year old man living with his parents, unemployed and spends all day smoking weed and gaming. Yeah I think you should avoid someone like that.

Positive21 · 14/11/2021 01:08

I apologise if I have caused any offence with my comment, that was not my intention. I didn't call out any individual for their opinion. Of course people are entitled to them, in the same way that I am. I guess as I've been in the situation I know that I wouldn't decide to not date someone based on whether they still lived at home or not. I understand both points of view, but for me, it never was an issue.

Out of curiosity I just looked at room shares near me. They cost at least the same as my current mortgage 😂

MissCruellaDeVil · 14/11/2021 01:09

It's very common, a lot of my friends (I'm 24) still live at home. A few rent and only a handful own like me, and those that do are in relationships or married. If it wasn't for DH I definitely couldn't afford to live away from home!

Snoozer11 · 14/11/2021 01:24

It's not just deposits.

I have a very healthy amount saved, but given that I can at most borrow 4.5x my salary (which is average), I can't borrow enough to buy something in my area without putting every penny down as a deposit.

And given how crazy prices have gone since the pandemic, I fear I'm going to be stuck between renting and living with parents well into my 30s.

JessieLongleg · 14/11/2021 01:39

I'm thinking of moving back in with my dad as he is away alot traveling, I can't afford to buy a house near my husband work which is city based and as he get older much easier to manage his care. But I want a loft extension so I've got my own space and bathroom. Plus the kitchen it going to have a major overhaul. And I will buy equity in the home so less to buy my brother out when he dies and dad can afford the work on the home that will put the value up and give us space. I know a others that moved back to save up for a mortgage and stayed cos their parents got old and their isn't the money in the family to pay for elderly care. Long term I would save my dad £600 plus a week not going into residential care and us the hassle of renting out the house to pay for it. It's hardly the sterotype of someone who has never left home, partly the reality of the housing market but the only way we can afford to buy is move far away and that weaken my care for dad overall. And mum lives I'm a rural not cheap area so as much as I would prefer it not possible and this way only have to manage one parents old age from a distance.

Namenic · 14/11/2021 05:13

People can have whatever preferences of partner they like. But to me, someone who gets on with his parents and saves money instead of spending it on unnecessary rent is a big plus. I would like to help my parents as they get older and someone who understands that and would want to do the same with his - is a plus in my book. Not everyone has the same outlook though.

RussianSpy101 · 14/11/2021 07:37

@Snoozer11 got married at 25. Been with him since we were at school.

dropitlikeitsloth · 14/11/2021 08:04

I lived at home until I was 25. I finished Uni and my DP who I met went on to do a PhD and still lived at home so my parents suggested I pay a small amount of keep and stay home. It meant we could both save for a house deposit as renting would have meant just living pay check to pay check with minimal money put into savings.

I think until renting becomes as affordable as a mortgage more young people will live at home longer. Rent can be almost double the amount a property’s monthly mortgage would be, it’s criminal really.

LakieLady · 14/11/2021 08:15

I'm a boomer and left home at 19. Most of my crowd had left home by 22/23, and nearly all of us had bought homes by the time we hit 30.

Rents were low enough for people to save deposits while renting and 100% mortgages were available, so some of us bought without ever having to save.

Things are very different now. It's hard to find a flat to rent for less than £1,000 pcm in my area (not London!), and I totally get how young people prefer to stay living at home and put more into a house deposit.

My DSS left home at 21, but only because he inherited a 6-figure trust fund and bought a house. He freely admits that if it wasn't for that, he'd still be living with his mother where everything was paid for!