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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if it’s common these day to live at home

168 replies

Liketheappthatdidnt · 13/11/2021 15:43

At 27

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 13/11/2021 19:36

@BeautifulBirds

I don't think it's odd. What I think is odd is the amount of people judging others without knowing individuals needs.
This.

I also hate it been mentioned on MN that it is a big red flag when looking for a partner.

Thinkbiglittleone · 13/11/2021 19:39

I think it's more common now as it's so hard to get on the property ladder,

So the choice is, get out and rent, but that absorbs all your cash so much much later to buy somewhere or you choose to stay living at home and save a deposit then you buy a place that costs the same as rent, but it's your own it at the end. Short term sacrifice for long term gain sort of situation.

BeautifulBirds · 13/11/2021 20:09

Absolutely! There are many factors that mean someone lives with parents in their 20's, 30's and beyond. It doesn't mean that that person lacks any drive, ambition, social or emotional skills. People need to stop looking at material possessions, stop living in constant competition with one another and stop belittling people because they don't fit your life puzzle.
My children, the humans I chose to create, will be welcome in our home as long as they want. It is a revolving door.

ISpyCobraKai · 13/11/2021 20:21

Same about not getting on @NeedsCharging
Their flat isn't small or shit though, it's in an area with a terrible reputation and is on the fourth floor, (no lift), so was affordable for them.
A friend of mine who is 50 and has never moved out told me they were lucky, he wished he'd could have found similar.
I said nothing as I wasn't up for an argument but:

  1. He doesn't look, probably never has and I've known him for 17 years.
  2. As soon as he heard of the area he'd discount it.
The part of said bad area is perfectly safe and the outside has CCTV. They're on the top floor with locks, who is going to walk up there to do whatever bad thing.
  1. The 'bad, is generally on estates, and between people who have issues with each other.
33goingon64 · 13/11/2021 20:26

Live at home, as in, live in the place where you live? If you're still calling your parents house 'home' at 27 I think a bit of growing up is in order!

zukiecat · 13/11/2021 20:31

My daughter is 28, and lives with me.

We are super close, share all bills and spending money. We also share the chores, we have a wonderful relationship and have never argued, about anything.

We both have health issues, and we're each other's support.

She has a home with me for as long as she wants.

Her elder sister left home at age 24.

Pinkbrush · 13/11/2021 20:32

I am 29 and still at home. It is also very common amongst my friends who, contrary to some of the comments here Hmm, are successful and independent and see no reason to waste money renting. I am a well functioning adult (and I don’t think it’s weird that I want to continue living with the people who raised me in our happy home!

TheCreamCaker · 13/11/2021 20:55

My sons lived here with us until 22 and 25 respectively. Eldest son is now 40 and one of his mates has never left home (although he had a son with a woman he didn't live with!

drpet49 · 13/11/2021 20:57

Yes I think it is normal nowadays. Use the opportunity to save a big deposit for a house

NeedsCharging · 13/11/2021 20:59

Pink don't you ever think your parents would like their home to themselves?

Am I the only one who when I had children I accepted 20 years of live In patenting but then expected them to bugger off and fend for themselves?

**Obviously children with health issues need different support.

Floogal · 13/11/2021 21:01

Left home at 24, but known people who still live with parents well into 30s and 40s due to having mild learning issues. Known Asian people who still live with parents despite being married. Also had friend who still lived with her mum so she could save for a deposit.
But knew one woman in her late 30s who lives at home and her mum pays for her holidays too.

Dropcloth · 13/11/2021 21:07

@ISpyCobraKai

Apparently it is to save up for a house deposit. All of the young adults I know move out and rent cheap places, or rooms in a house share. I always say it on these threads, Dd and her BF gave a lovely flat that they rent they moved in aged 19 and 20. It's perfectly possible to do it without living at home if you cut your cloth.
Yeah, this option seems to increasingly viewed as either impossible or irresponsible because of ‘wasted’ rent. To me, it’s normal to move out ASAP and cut your coat according to your cloth via living in grimy house shares. I find the prolongation of dependence on parents with the alibi of ‘saving for a deposit’ a bit ridiculous — it basically prolongs adolescence under the guise of ‘being sensible’.
onceandneveragain · 13/11/2021 21:10

@UndertonesOfCake

Unless it's as a short term stopgap (eg after returning from traveling while jobhunting, or after a relationship breakdown) then it's unusual and frankly just a bit odd.

I once had a lodger who was leaving home for the first time in his late 20s. It was exhausting. I had to explain everything from how to do laundry to the vacuum cleaner, and his parents visited every week to check he was still alive for tea.

And then there was the time he got his first girlfriend and asked me how to find the clitoris Shock

You could look at actual statistics before deciding what's "unusual" based solely on your own narrow experience?
ISpyCobraKai · 13/11/2021 21:24

Exactly @Dropcloth
Also what do they save for the deposit on?
A one bed flat suitable for them, a two bed, or a three bed family home so it's fine to live with parents until they decide the property is befitting them?

Friends of mine have just bought their first home in their mid 20's, they rented before that, and have had to move out of the town we live in and do it up a bit because that's what they can afford.
I appreciate London prices are higher, but that's what shared houses are for, Dd and Bf lived in one before they rented their own place.

Kite22 · 13/11/2021 21:27

@BeautifulBirds

I don't think it's odd. What I think is odd is the amount of people judging others without knowing individuals needs.
Yup
nokidshere · 13/11/2021 21:28

I think it’s really odd and also unattractive. Can you imagine going on a date with a 27yo man who lived with his parents? No thanks.

What if it were a 27yr old woman?

RussianSpy101 · 13/11/2021 21:29

@Pinkbrush so why haven’t you bought your own house?

RussianSpy101 · 13/11/2021 21:31

@MapleMay11 agree. I would expect someone by 27 to have a good career and be able to afford their own home.

amsadandconfused · 13/11/2021 21:32

My children are in their 20s
All Uni graduates. They come and go because they don’t have the financial security that my generation had ! @RussianSpy101..this is the world that my children live in !

Pinkbrush · 13/11/2021 21:33

[quote RussianSpy101]@Pinkbrush so why haven’t you bought your own house?[/quote]
I will buy a house when i have saved enough money.

Pinkbrush · 13/11/2021 21:34

@NeedsCharging

Pink don't you ever think your parents would like their home to themselves?

Am I the only one who when I had children I accepted 20 years of live In patenting but then expected them to bugger off and fend for themselves?

**Obviously children with health issues need different support.

They are very happy for me to. Not all parents feel the way you do. Each family does what works for them.
amsadandconfused · 13/11/2021 21:37

@Pinkbrush

I am 29 and still at home. It is also very common amongst my friends who, contrary to some of the comments here Hmm, are successful and independent and see no reason to waste money renting. I am a well functioning adult (and I don’t think it’s weird that I want to continue living with the people who raised me in our happy home!
As a Mum I agree..my children are all Uni grads but love being at home when possible…what is wrong with that ?
Dropcloth · 13/11/2021 21:38

@ISpyCobraKai

Exactly *@Dropcloth* Also what do they save for the deposit on? A one bed flat suitable for them, a two bed, or a three bed family home so it's fine to live with parents until they decide the property is befitting them?

Friends of mine have just bought their first home in their mid 20's, they rented before that, and have had to move out of the town we live in and do it up a bit because that's what they can afford.
I appreciate London prices are higher, but that's what shared houses are for, Dd and Bf lived in one before they rented their own place.

Yes, my grimy houseshares were in London, in deeply unglamorous spots. I was 33 before I bought my first, tiny flat with DH.
Powaqa · 13/11/2021 21:48

We are a multi generational house. I have both DC and their partners and one DGC living here. Both DC are older than 30
We share all the bills and any chores. It doesn't feel like they live with their parents or that we live with our kids. The house is big enough to comfortably fit all of us and we each live separate lives, we are not in each others pockets.
It suits all of us.

ulez · 13/11/2021 21:49

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