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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if it’s common these day to live at home

168 replies

Liketheappthatdidnt · 13/11/2021 15:43

At 27

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 13/11/2021 17:07

I'm massively jealous of those living at home Grin

I moved out at 21 because I was desperate to be a grown up - what was I thinking?! If I could go back, I'd have stayed at home until I was in my mid 20s and enjoyed my youth a bit more without additional pressures of adulthood.

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/11/2021 17:12

My 24 yr old still lives at home, went to uni for 3 yrs then came back.

(groundhog day Smile)

Pinetreesfall · 13/11/2021 17:12

No because when you're an adult you move out. It's odd staying into your 20s / 30s.
I left home at 18 because I worked and so even though the rent was £750 a month that's what I did - worked two jobs and paid it! Yes it was hard but that's just life.

MsHedgehog · 13/11/2021 17:15

I live in London. Everyone I know from London with their family home in London still live with parents, including city professionals in late 20s

BadwordMcGee · 13/11/2021 17:15

I think the average to move out of home is 26 or 38 now, so yes, very normal. I can imagine it but some people have better relationships with their parents!

sjxoxo · 13/11/2021 17:16

@RussianSpy101

I think it’s really odd and also unattractive. Can you imagine going on a date with a 27yo man who lived with his parents? No thanks.
Haha.. he has a long term girlfriend who is 25 but also lives at home! They sort of hop between the two. They are doing it to get London salaries without rent to save a massive deposit. Xo
BadwordMcGee · 13/11/2021 17:16

26 or 28! Not 38!

RussianSpy101 · 13/11/2021 17:17

@sjxoxo who does?

bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 13/11/2021 17:21

My brother is still at home and he's 38. No plans on moving out but he does a lot for mum. I think my mum likes him there. And he has a kind of girlfriend who lives at home too.

I moved out 2 weeks before my wedding at 22, couldn't live with my parents anymore one night staying over is enough. I couldn't t wait to leave.

Echobelly · 13/11/2021 17:24

I think it's not that unusual. And there's living at home with your parents and living at home with your parents. As in, you can live with your parents just because you can't be arsed to move out and like getting your laundry done, or you could be living there because rent is insane expensive and you want to save up for a deposit, which is perfectly sensible. Or even that in a first/early job you might simply not be able to afford to rent anywhere (in London at least) and have any money left over at all.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid over anyone in 20s, or even early 30 living at home these days.

iwishiwasafish · 13/11/2021 17:26

As others have say d, more common now than for the last 20-25 years, but was relatively common before that.

Whether it is “weird” depends on the dynamic. If you have a good and relatively equal relationship with you parents, more akin to flat-mates, then it is just multigenerational living. If it is the same dynamic as when you were 13 then it becomes a bit dysfunctional.

userisi · 13/11/2021 17:27

God I hope not. Not in my experience.

ISpyCobraKai · 13/11/2021 17:28

Apparently it is to save up for a house deposit.
All of the young adults I know move out and rent cheap places, or rooms in a house share.
I always say it on these threads, Dd and her BF gave a lovely flat that they rent they moved in aged 19 and 20.
It's perfectly possible to do it without living at home if you cut your cloth.

LtGreggs · 13/11/2021 17:31

I manage a small team of 4. Two of them are still living at home. One is early 20s (he ideally wants to move out but happy to take some time to save up). One is late 20s (29 I think) and just seems to be happy at home, gets on well with his parents & enjoys the family dogs being about. He come across as totally normal and I'd say he seems a perfectly eligible catch.

Fleek · 13/11/2021 17:34

It would be really good if people could be mindful of the impact of saying things like, 'I think it’s really odd and also unattractive. Can you imagine going on a date with a 27yo man who lived with his parents? No thanks,' or 'I think it's odd and lacking in independence'.

It's so easy to make those kind of judgements. I can't say I'd want to date a man still living at home, to be honest. But equally I'm 40 and I know several adults who still live with their parents (male and female) and in every case there's either significant physical or mental health issues which have led to that situation and some of those issues are invisible. My parents have friends whose son just died 2 weeks ago (in his 40s) having lived with them for a good 15 years. He was an alcoholic and just couldn't get on top of his problems. Another two men I know who have never moved out have M.E and PTSD. They've both just turned 40 - and I know both are deeply ashamed of not having managed to stand on their own two feet but they wouldn't voice what they've been through to many people because they know full well people think they're deeply inadequate. They're both gentle, kind people who struggle.

Not everyone who still lives with their parents will be there because of having problems, I realise, but let's not stigmatise and sneer at people anyway. Life can be really hard and not everyone copes with adjusting to adult life in reality. They just don't.

Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 13/11/2021 17:34

In expensive areas especially cities - very common.

motherheroic · 13/11/2021 17:35

Yes, rent is expensive. Better to save for a deposit or not blow your money on rent until you figure out what you're next move is.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/11/2021 17:36

My ds age 27 is still here, although has lived in other places for 5 years.

He’s saving for a house. No big deal🤷🏼‍♀️ He wants to go as soon as possible but needs some cash first.

WhyAmIDoingIt · 13/11/2021 17:36

I'm 37 and all of my circle of friends and family had moved out by 25.

I'd hope my dc will follow suit. I don't even want the conversation with them I just hope they crave independence enough to move out under their own steam whether to rent/ house share or to buy.

motherheroic · 13/11/2021 17:37

@ISpyCobraKai

Apparently it is to save up for a house deposit. All of the young adults I know move out and rent cheap places, or rooms in a house share. I always say it on these threads, Dd and her BF gave a lovely flat that they rent they moved in aged 19 and 20. It's perfectly possible to do it without living at home if you cut your cloth.
But your DD and her BF are a dual income household so of course they can afford a flat together if they're pooling their money. Come on now.
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/11/2021 17:39

ISpyCobraKai
Apparently it is to save up for a house deposit.
All of the young adults I know move out and rent cheap places, or rooms in a house share.
I always say it on these threads, Dd and her BF gave a lovely flat that they rent they moved in aged 19 and 20.
It's perfectly possible to do it without living at home if you cut your cloth

And that is why they will stay renting rather than being able to buy. Fine if that’s what they want.

girlmom21 · 13/11/2021 17:40

@choli

It's more common than it's ever been before. Bullshit. Until fairly recently it was the norm,and is returning to the norm. Try to think past the last 20 years.
In my defence I'm 26 so only really have the last 20 years to go on, and the 'it's really unattractive' comments tend to crime from middle-aged posters IME (the ones I've remembered from other threads who've mentioned their age) so assumed it wasn't common before that Grin
Horsemad · 13/11/2021 17:43

I'd like to think mine (24 & 22) will have both left by the time they are 25. 🙏

DS1 sort of lives between ours and his gf's parents but he always brings her home with him when he comes to us, it'd be nice to see him on his own occasionally. He's well paid but I'm not exactly how much effort is going into saving for a property. 🤨

DS2 just finished uni, still deciding what to do/where to live...

HazelBite · 13/11/2021 17:44

I live in an affluent area in the commuter belt in the SE. It is very common around here as rents are stupidly high and much higher a month than it would be to pay the Mortgage on a £250,000 plus property.
I've had one son and partner living here whilst they saved for a deposit and his brother currently lives here with his wife while saving.

iwishiwasafish · 13/11/2021 17:45

Very good points @Fleek. Thank you for opening my eyes to that.