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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if it’s common these day to live at home

168 replies

Liketheappthatdidnt · 13/11/2021 15:43

At 27

OP posts:
IReallyCan · 13/11/2021 17:45

@UndertonesOfCake

Unless it's as a short term stopgap (eg after returning from traveling while jobhunting, or after a relationship breakdown) then it's unusual and frankly just a bit odd.

I once had a lodger who was leaving home for the first time in his late 20s. It was exhausting. I had to explain everything from how to do laundry to the vacuum cleaner, and his parents visited every week to check he was still alive for tea.

And then there was the time he got his first girlfriend and asked me how to find the clitoris Shock

Noooooo! Please tell me that's not true!
RussianSpy101 · 13/11/2021 17:47

@girlmom21 I’m 30 and I think it’s odd.

Doomscrolling · 13/11/2021 17:55

@choli - rubbish! If we go back over 25 years, the majority of people got married in their early twenties. It wasn’t single adults living with their parents for their twenties, although some young married people would live with a set of parents for a bit. But that’s a totally different situation.

Oti21 · 13/11/2021 18:00

It’s not uncommon. It also doesn’t make anybody odd, unattractive or abnormal...

I moved out at 18 and back home at 27 after travelling and then living in London on an nhs wage. I wouldn’t have my home and opportunities I do now if I hadn’t moved back in with my parents and saved. I was also met DP the year I moved back home so didn’t hinder me in that way either...

Oti21 · 13/11/2021 18:00

It’s not uncommon. It also doesn’t make anybody odd, unattractive or abnormal...

I moved out at 18 and back home at 27 after travelling and then living in London on an nhs wage. I wouldn’t have my home and opportunities I do now if I hadn’t moved back in with my parents and saved. I was also met DP the year I moved back home so didn’t hinder me in that way either...

Scarby9 · 13/11/2021 18:01

I live up north.
All my school friends went to university then got jobs, moved out of the parental home and never went back too live - early 1980s. Same for every one of my university friends.
My brother's friends all did the same - mid 1980s.
My godchildren, neices and nephews, and friend's children almost all did the same over the last 20 years. The three exceptions came back to live with their parents after uni, or didn't go to uni, but all moved out by 25.
I think it is just much easier to afford rent, then a mortgage, in the north.

girlmom21 · 13/11/2021 18:04

[quote RussianSpy101]@girlmom21 I’m 30 and I think it’s odd.[/quote]
Automatically or dependant on circumstances? I'd definitely ask.

iwishiwasafish · 13/11/2021 18:04

[quote Doomscrolling]@choli - rubbish! If we go back over 25 years, the majority of people got married in their early twenties. It wasn’t single adults living with their parents for their twenties, although some young married people would live with a set of parents for a bit. But that’s a totally different situation.[/quote]
I don’t believe that is true, or at least not from personal experience.

25 years ago was 1996. I was in my mid 20s. Most of my friends didn’t get married until their early to mid 30s.

I think you’d have to go right back to the 60s to find most people getting married in their early 20s.

RussianSpy101 · 13/11/2021 18:13

@girlmom21 unless there are disabilities or additional needs involved.

girlmom21 · 13/11/2021 18:14

[quote RussianSpy101]@girlmom21 unless there are disabilities or additional needs involved.[/quote]
What about if they'd moved home after a breakup?

ChippyChipper · 13/11/2021 18:36

DD is almost 25 and still at home. She commuted to Uni so has never left. Her boyfriend (26) still lives at home (well his father owns it but lives with his girlfriend so it’s just him and his siblings) as do most of her friends. I can only think of 2 in her peer group who don’t and they have DC.

Rent here is £1k for a crappy one bed flat with no parking in a crap area so it’s unsurprising. Cheapest crappy one bed flats are £120k to buy which is almost 5 times DD’s wage and she’d need £12k deposit. I keep telling DD to think about moving abroad to Canada or Australia/New Zealand. The chances of them owning a decent family home here are practically zero.

I bought my first house (3 bedroom with parking) at the same age for £48k, with £2.5k deposit on a similar wage as her.

Jubaju · 13/11/2021 18:43

I know 2 40yr olds who still live at home. It’s weird that they have no desire to move out

Halloweencat · 13/11/2021 18:51

My son is 24, really wants to move out but would rather save for a deposit than pay sky high rent. He contributes towards food, Sky etc, does the housework & laundry, defrosts my car in the middle of winter even when he doesn't have to be up early for work! I like my holidays & always come back to a tidy & clean house. He's got his friends, casual dates & is a good lad. I have no mortgage or rent so I'm happy for him to stay with me as an independent adult while he saves for his own place. Cant see anything weird about it tbh & if he finally settles down with someone it won't be as a man child.

expatmigrant · 13/11/2021 18:55

Have had DD and boyfriend living with us. We're in the SE and they work in London so saving up for a deposit. We're lucky to have a big enough house so not on top of each other.
TBH I love having DD back for a bit and her boyfriend is good company too.

DrSbaitso · 13/11/2021 18:56

@UndertonesOfCake

Unless it's as a short term stopgap (eg after returning from traveling while jobhunting, or after a relationship breakdown) then it's unusual and frankly just a bit odd.

I once had a lodger who was leaving home for the first time in his late 20s. It was exhausting. I had to explain everything from how to do laundry to the vacuum cleaner, and his parents visited every week to check he was still alive for tea.

And then there was the time he got his first girlfriend and asked me how to find the clitoris Shock

I think living with his parents until his late 20s was more a symptom of strangeness in that person than a cause.
Bagelsandbrie · 13/11/2021 19:08

I used to live in London and it was really normal / common there. High housing costs and people staying in education longer etc. No one batted an eyelid that I lived with my Mum till I was 27!

We then moved to Norfolk and people seem to move out as soon as they’re out of nappies here.

GaolBhoAlba · 13/11/2021 19:14

@maddiemookins16mum

There’ll be people piling on here saying that because of house/rent costs young people have no choice etc, frankly I think it’s odd and can’t imagine wanting to be living with parents at that age. I can understand a few years after Uni etc, but at 27? Nope.
I agree. Our neighbours have their daughter (late 20's), her boyfriend and their 2 year old son (so the home owners' Grandson) living with them. The house is huge tbf but even so, its a bizarre set up given its not a temporary arrangement. The boyfriend moved in before the baby was born, so they've been living like this for 3 years or so. I wouldnt give a shit tbh about their strange living arrangements, if the boyfriends work van didn't wake the whole street up at 5am every morning.
Suzi888 · 13/11/2021 19:17

I did. My dad passed away and my mum wanted me there (they both loved having me there anyway). I travelled a lot and didn’t want children, so it made sense.

Kite22 · 13/11/2021 19:23

I think increasingly so, as people return home to save up for a deposit. Rent is so expensive, as of course is buying.

DeepaBeesKit · 13/11/2021 19:23

The peer group DH and I had at that age (we are mid thirties) were mostly higher earning professionals so no one was living in their parents house.

I think there's definitely a sort of squeezed middle of adults who earn too much to be eligible for UC, but for whom paying private rent is too big a stretch, especially people who possibly earn enough (or expect to one day) to get a mortgage and want to save a deposit.

That said I think there's also a subset within that group of people who actually use the availability of free accomodation from mum or dad to afford a relatively luxurious lifestyle on a low income.

MapleMay11 · 13/11/2021 19:25

@RussianSpy101

I think it’s really odd and also unattractive. Can you imagine going on a date with a 27yo man who lived with his parents? No thanks.
It wouldn't bother me at all. At that age, I'd be more concerned about his career and future earning potential.
BeautifulBirds · 13/11/2021 19:29

I don't think it's odd. What I think is odd is the amount of people judging others without knowing individuals needs.

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 13/11/2021 19:30

@RedskyThisNight

Doesn't everyone live in their home?
That’s always my first thought too. I know ‘home’ in this context means ‘childhood home’ but all the places I’ve lived as an adult have been my homes as well.
NeedsCharging · 13/11/2021 19:33

I would say no.

DS moved out at 17 and he's 19 now.
We were not getting on it was for the best.
He has a small flat but he works and pays his way. He is happier and so am I.

I have no idea if he will ever own his own home but he is first level in a trade that eventually pays well so who knows.
I think renting a shit flat has made him more eager to save and buy his own rather than living off me forever.

ConsuelaHammock · 13/11/2021 19:34

Very common in NI to stay at home until you marry or buy a house. I moved back home at 27 to save to build a house with my future husband who also lived at home. I didn’t particularly like living back at home but the financial gain was worth it in the long run.
My dh lived on the family farm so moving out would have been silly. It’s beyond daft to pay extortionate rent and then complain about house prices IF you are able to stay at home for a couple more years.