AIBU To think attending the Xmas night out is unreasonable?

[M24L]

DH recently started a new job and seems to be settling in well, originally started off on a temporary contract but was then offered a permanent contract about 2 months in. During the temp time he was paid weekly while I'm paid 4 weekly.

Now that he has became a permanent member of the team he has been moved to monthly pay with pay day at the end of the month.

Thus meaning that DH technically only has 1 pay day before Xmas. As I get paid 4 weekly I will have 2 more payments prior to Xmas. My wage covers most of the bills I.e mortgage etc and DH wage is always used to get shopping and any other expenses outwith the usual household bills. We have a joint account and as he was paid weekly it was easier to use my wage to pay everything in a monthly payment. (Just a back story to get the point).

Anyway DH has been asked to go to the Xmas night out, he said he would go as everyone at work was watching when he was asked but then said to me hes not sure what to do as with him moving to monthly wages this month until he gets paid is going to be pretty tight with Xmas next month and having two kids. He hasn't really got any nice "going out clothes" so if he was to go he would need to buy a new outfit. We also live a good bit away from where the night out is taking place so he will have to pay a good bit to get back from it when it's done.

I feel terrible as with him just recently starting I think it would be good for him to go and get to know his colleagues etc a bit better but at the same time I really don't think we can afford it.

AIBU to advise him that we can't afford it and he should miss it this year.

YANBU he just has to understand we haven't got the money this year and he could go next year or to the next night out once Xmas is over with.

What sort of night out it is? Can he just go to part of it? Eg drinks before a meal

Do you have any savings he can take £150 out of and replace on pay day, or a credit card he can put it on?

If you can afford it and it's just a month or two of cash flow issues it's not necessary to stop him from going.

I’d go if I was him and get to know people at work. He can wear something he’s already got though! I’d probably drop him there or offer to go and get him afterwards if I could as well to cut down on costs.

You can’t afford for him to go, it’s not worth getting into debt for.

He really doesnt need to buy an outfit.
He also doesnt need to stay until 2am.

I'd mutually agree and set a 50 or 60 or whatever budget and let him go

I think it's important he goes. It depends entirely on what you can do to make sure DC's Christmas isn't impacted but I'd arrange things so he can go if we possibly could.

Don’t get into debt for this, apologise and say he/you already have something booked in

Don't get into debt for a christmas do!

Is the meal paid for or are they all expecting to pay their own?
Some companies pay December salaries early to help with Christmas cashflow. Does his employer? Are they paying travel expenses.
How far away are we talking - could he leave early enough to take public transport?
He doesn't need anything fancy clothes-wise. Does he have a smartish pair or jeans or trousers, and a clean shirt?

Is it completely unaffordable or is there room for compromise eg no new outfit and he only stays for a couple?

He should go really I think, it's important for him to make an effort to get to know his colleagues while he's still quite new. Can't he go but avoid spending too much? Has he really nothing to wear?! Is there a friend or relative whom he can borrow an outfit from?

Is there no compromise here that doesn’t end up costing a lot of money. E.g. he drives and doesn’t drink?

Given it’s a cash flow rather than affordability problem I’d find a way for him to be able to go. Borrowing from savings…. or using a credit card, paying off the card as soon as his pay arrives on 31/12.
Could you pick him up from the venue to reduce costs?
He’ll find a decent shirt in a charity shop.

All this is assuming he genuinely fancies it. No one should feel obliged to attend their employer’s Christmas party.

The new outfit isn't necessary. Can he borrow a shirt or shoes if he needs to from a friend or relative? Other than that, work dos usually lay on some food and drinks. His only expense is getting home.

If he really needs new clothes, buy them as an early Christmas present from you.

Are you sure he won’t get paid his December wage just before Xmas. I get paid at month end and get December wage early, usually around 20th. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for shopping though!

He should go. He can wear clothes he already has, drink a few soft drinks and drive home. If he offers a few colleagues a lift home then this will help him make friends, mean he is unlikely to get grief about not drinking and likely won't need to spend any money.

This is a relatively minor timing issue and people often get paid early for Christmas. I would not miss a Christmas party because of going from four weekly to monthly payroll, I am sure you can deal with it.

However the new outfit is a bit over the top and at risk of being sexist, especially for a man! He must have something he can wear to go out in.

I get paid monthly and in some places received my December pay before Christmas, as offices are closed between then and new year. Is it worth him asking if he'll get his December pay on the 23rd or 24th?

Why does he have to go unless he really wants too? It's a works Christmas do, it's not mandatory?! Is every other single person that works their going?

He should go.
He doesn't need anything new to wear - unless we're talking about a dinner jacket requirement in which case he should ask around.
Can this be your Christmas present to him? Scale back on other presents?
Can you switch some of your wages to the day to day and his wages to the later of of monthly bills?

eBay for good secondhand clothes?

Agree that it would be good for him to go if at all possible. It's an investment into good working relationships which should make the job more enjoyable for him.

However do not go into debt for it, that's madness. Work out how he can go cheaply - most obvious way is to drive there and back and not drink. If it's a meal you would have to pay for, invent a reason why he can only stay for pre drinks.

@SmileyClare

The new outfit isn't necessary. Can he borrow a shirt or shoes if he needs to from a friend or relative? Other than that, work dos usually lay on some food and drinks. His only expense is getting home.

If he really needs new clothes, buy them as an early Christmas present from you.

Haha. In 30 years of work, I've never had a work Christmas do where staff didn't fully cover the cost themselves. Both public and private sector.

Why does he need a new outfit? Just a clean shirt, jeans and decent shoes would be smart enough surely? He stays for a few drinks and then heads home due to the distance & cost of getting back later. Most people are feeling the punch this time of year, he might find he’s not the only one leaving a bit early.

If you can't afford it he doesn't go.

I'm always against pushing finances for social events, it's just daft.

If you can’t afford then of course he can’t go.
But everywhere I’ve ever worked has paid the December salary pre-Christmas, and the Christmas party has been paid for in large part by the company (food plus a couple of drinks pp)