How on earth does my DP know?

[CJCC]

I have several male friends, they are just friends, nothing sexual has ever happened between us and I dont see them being any different to a female friend. My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.
I speak to 2 of these friends regularly on fb, conversations are completely 'normal' we don't flirt etc we are genuinely just friends.

Here's the weird part, everytime I speak to one of these friends my DP always makes comment about have I been talking to my other boyfriends or making jokes about who have I been texting. He's always done this and I put it down to him just being a dick sometimes but its taken me a while to connect the fact that he always says these things when I have infact had a conversation with one of them and we dont speak daily, sometimes it's a month or 2 so it can't just be luck. It's honestly like he knows but how could he unless he'd seen the messages?

I had a convo with one yesterday and my DP came home from work and made jokes about who have I been talking to and asking if I'd been talking to my other boyfriend and he couldn't have even looked at my phone so is he just bloody psychic!?

About a year ago some man I wasn't even friends with messaged me and it went into message requests so I didn't even see it. DP had a go at me for messaging other men and I was massively confused as I hadn't even seen the message. When I saw it and figured out what he meant I asked if he'd been looking at my fb from my iPad and he denied it, but I'd had my phone with me so it was the only way he could have seen. I deleted fb from my iPad after that so the only way he could access it is my phone now.

Do you think something is going on or am I crazy??

Change your passwords.

Have a reputable computer/phone store check your devices for spyware or key loggers.

Dump him anyway. Regardless of whether or not he's spying on you, he's shown nasty controlling tendencies and he obviously doesn't trust you. My DH has no problems with me having male friends because he trusts me .

Many controlling and/or cheating men say "I trust you, I don't trust them", but that's bullshit. If a man genuinely trusts his partner to be faithful, then no amount of 'seduction techniques' by another man will persuade them to cheat. Personally, I think any man who doesn't trust his partner to be around friends of the opposite sex is himself untrustworthy. This goes for women, too. The only reason not to trust your partner NOT to fall in bed with someone else is because you know that you wouldn't be able to resist a come on.

Exceptions granted for those who have been badly hurt by cheaters. But even so, they should get the counseling they need to be able to trust again.

Next you know he'll be checking your underwear for proof that you're cheating. And yes, I know someone whose OH actually did that. Also told her that hand washing them after wearing (as opposed to tossing them in the hamper to be washed in a load) was 'proof' that she was cheating. He was craaazzzyyy!!!

Send your male friends a message saying that you are sure you are being spied on, and you are going to take your device to an IT expert....shop/computer centre for them to do a check up and debug......and let him see that.

Wait for nervous reaction - and he will be because hes obviously been doing this a while and I assure you he will feel that his advantage ( as he sees it) is about to dissapear....then, you have a clear conversation with him about how you are going to be parting company.

Try and get some IRL support because if he has resorted to this spying behaviour, he is clearly not in a healthy place, and may take this exposee very badly....so be aware, and keep safe....have somewhere to go - or get a locksmith on speed dial....and plan a day off from work or whatever, to co-incide with his potential melt down, so you can be at home, while you watch him leave.

Get a good friend or relative to be with you - at short notice if need be. I unfortunately feel, he will take this very very badly. Please take care.

He sounds awful.
He is obviously accessing your devices but even apart from that asking you who you spoke to every day woukd be enough for me to run to the hills.

correction:

If a man genuinely trusts his partner to be faithful, then they know that no amount of 'seduction techniques' by another man will persuade them to cheat.

[quote rwalker]@SpeckledlyHen
Slinko
Was giving his opion on the post from a male point of view not mansplaining anything[/quote]
His opinion was identical to everyone else's, except that he added "as a man", as if his possession of a penis added weight to it.

Oh, and he minimised jealous male behaviour, I suppose. So there was that added value.

My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.

Even without everything else, this tells you a lot about him. I assume he has no female friends? Which is a real pity.

@TheLeadbetterLife
Thanks for clearing that up
Stupid me interpreted the "as a man" meant he was giving an option form the OP partners point of view .Good job you waded in with a vagina to point that out

This has all the hallmarks of coercive control - at least the beginnings of it. He's clearly jealous and is monitoring your dicussions to which he's not normally privy.

This is creepy, controlling, gaslighting behaviour OP and I'd run for the hills.

He's put some spywear on your phone. Check to see if you've got any apps that you don't remember downloading or that look dodgy, if you find them don't just delete them, uninstall them!
Other than that the only thing I can think of is he's clones your phone.

I'm going to say YABU for staying with this sad man (who is spying on you).

Its much much more likely that hes spying on you than has magical psychic abilities. Do you mind that he is spying on you?

[quote rwalker]@TheLeadbetterLife
Thanks for clearing that up
Stupid me interpreted the "as a man" meant he was giving an option form the OP partners point of view .Good job you waded in with a vagina to point that out[/quote]
Unless he's the OP's partner, he can't give that point of view.

YANBU, change your passwords for FB and email (just in case) etc. Make sure you sign out of FB after you've used it.

I had a boyfriend that was trained in computers and he was somehow reading my emails etc. He made a point of hinting at/making it clear that he was doing it too, so as to disturb and control me.

I doubt it is a key logger as they are significantly harder to install on iPads than on a computer. Unless it’s a parenting control app from the App Store.

I’m leaning more towards the fact that you have Facebook open in your browser. Even if he can’t access messenger on the mobile version, he can still easily access your messages if he switches Facebook to desktop view

What are you going to do about it? He's clearly spying on you. He's suck a dick. Laughing about you talking to your other boyfriends. He's not even clever enough to stay quiet. He needs to show how smart he is, while showing how smart he is not!

Both pics are from my phone
First pic is picture of regular mobile facebook
Second pic is picture of desktop version of Facebook but still on my phone

He is spying on you op.
I like Claricethecat's idea.
Wether you change him is up to you. But he should not be doing this .

@Cryalot2

He is spying on you op. I like Claricethecat's idea. Wether you change him is up to you. But he should not be doing this .

I really like @Claricethecat45's idea too. It will certainly get a reaction from him.

@CJCC

We don't share an email, he does know some of my passwords as we made an account for something else and I joked about using the same passwords for most things but my fb password is different and as far as I know he doesnt know it. I've checked and I'm only logged into my phone and the ipad. What I meant to say regarding the ipad is that I deleted the messenger app, I am still logged onto fb on it but not messenger so he can't read the messages. But I suppose he could just download and delete the messenger app on my ipad as and when he wanted to like someone said. He stays up later than me every night with my iPad in the room with him. I don't want to believe he is spying on me but he must be!

You can access FB messages from facebook itself though, not just the messenger app. Heis clearly reading them. Can you not put a passcode on your ipad or keep it out of his reach?

The thing is , if he reacts then he’s let the cat out of the bag and will have to come clean , which ime these types never want to do.

He obviously has access to your messenger on something, either another device via your password or spyware on your phone.
Yes you should change your password, but you should also get away from this absolute bumwipe as soon as you can!

I don't think he necessarily would give a clear reaction if OP mentioned taking it somewhere. If people doing something sneaky or lying could be read that easily, no one would ever get away with lying.

Change passwords?
Change fucking partners - this isn't acceptable behaviour.
Regardless of whether he's spying on you (he blatantly is) he has no right to comment on who you talk to. Get it rid.

My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.

He's projecting. This is how he sees women. Only good for one thing, not fully people like men are - no point having a friendship with a woman unless he wants to fuck her. He can't even comprehend that other men don't all see women like this.

Do you really want to be him, OP? I'd run a mile.