How on earth does my DP know?

[CJCC]

I have several male friends, they are just friends, nothing sexual has ever happened between us and I dont see them being any different to a female friend. My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.
I speak to 2 of these friends regularly on fb, conversations are completely 'normal' we don't flirt etc we are genuinely just friends.

Here's the weird part, everytime I speak to one of these friends my DP always makes comment about have I been talking to my other boyfriends or making jokes about who have I been texting. He's always done this and I put it down to him just being a dick sometimes but its taken me a while to connect the fact that he always says these things when I have infact had a conversation with one of them and we dont speak daily, sometimes it's a month or 2 so it can't just be luck. It's honestly like he knows but how could he unless he'd seen the messages?

I had a convo with one yesterday and my DP came home from work and made jokes about who have I been talking to and asking if I'd been talking to my other boyfriend and he couldn't have even looked at my phone so is he just bloody psychic!?

About a year ago some man I wasn't even friends with messaged me and it went into message requests so I didn't even see it. DP had a go at me for messaging other men and I was massively confused as I hadn't even seen the message. When I saw it and figured out what he meant I asked if he'd been looking at my fb from my iPad and he denied it, but I'd had my phone with me so it was the only way he could have seen. I deleted fb from my iPad after that so the only way he could access it is my phone now.

Do you think something is going on or am I crazy??

Even if you have deleted fb off your iPad, if he knows the password he can just log on to fb in any browser anywhere on any device

OP if you're logged onto Facebook on your ipad browser he can see messages on there

Having had my ex go on from reading my messages and journals to posing as me and messaging friends male and female in order to disrupt friendships and try to get more info (and to pose as me financially) definitely get rid of this one.

Change your password

@MaryB90

OP if you're logged onto Facebook on your ipad browser he can see messages on there

This. he doesn't need the messenger app. You can access messages when logged into FB. So thats probably the likliest option. Depends. Does he bring it up after hes had access to tablet, or is it literally minutes after youve had a message and he hasn't had any physical access to your devices?

Everyone saying you should change your passwords etc, no.
You should leave him tbh.

I agree with everyone else.

He can read your messages from your FB page it's easy to do. He sounds jealous and potentially controlling. Do you want to stay in the relationship? If you do you may want to have it out with him if you are sure he's not violent

@Staryflight445

Everyone saying you should change your passwords etc, no. You should leave him tbh.

Yes but she will still have to change her passwords! Otherwise her IT security is compromised.

Change your passwords then your DP 👍

You're not crazy OP. I seem to do this with my DP and i really have no idea how or why. From when an old girlfriend tries to message him to friends he doesn't speak to regularly and even family - i just always seem to pick up when someone has contacted him. I've been accused of 'spying' on him loads of times and it's even taken me aback, but i assure you i haven't and i can't explain it either

What device are you using to post here on Mumsnet, OP? Because I'm very concerned that he's reading this thread.

Spyware on your phone, snooping on your tablet. Be careful, he's probably reading this thread.

To CJCC's DP: fuck off you arsehole

Create a fake account, message yourself with something very dirty and specific. See if he picks up on it.

@TractorAndHeadphones

Create a fake account, message yourself with something very dirty and specific. See if he picks up on it.

Don't do this.

All my text messages also show up on my iPad

Do you have (m)any female friends, or is it just these men you chat to ?

If he's only said it a few times, I would just assume its a guess based on probability, if you don't have any female friends.

@Slink01

As a man I can tell you it is absolutely normal and OK for you to have male friends and just because a male wants to be friends with you doesn't mean that they want to have anything more than a friendship with you. I do empathise with your partner to an extent as men are naturally protective with partners (which is OK in a healthy way but I have often seen some of my male friends take it too far) I personally think your partner needs to understand that it's OK to have male friends and it not be anything more than that, just like I have more friends who are female and no desire for them to be anything more. My wife and I both had male and female friends and never had an issue with it, in fact there were a couple of friends that fancied us and it was never a problem because we trusted each other. But in summary no you are not being unreasonable at all and if your partner is actively trying to find out what you are "up to" with your male friends then that needs addressing before it develops into even more unhealthy occurrences such as arguments and stalking behaviours

We know it's normal, thank you random man, we don't need your opinion to validate this fact.

And "protective" my arse, it's just jealously. I've always had zero tolerance for any hint of jealously in my relationships. As far as I'm concerned it's just projection.

1. He’s jealous
2. He’s spying on you

Run for the hills.

He could have some kind of spywear installed on your phone...

Here's what I would do...

Write down all your phone contacts and their phone numbers on paper

Any photos or videos you don't want to lose upload to a free cloud

Then do a full factory reset....that will wipe off anything installed and restore your phone to like new...

Then put a screenlock on that only you can guess...

Then go through your email, Facebook, and social media, banking and every account you have and change all the passwords, and change the security questions too and make sure that his phone number or email isn't listed there for account recovery...if it is, then remove it...

Also never leave your phone unlocked around him....

Do the same for your iPad , upload to cloud what you want to save then do a factory reset and put a screen lock,

Never leave your devices unlocked around him

Also if he thinks all men want to pounce and have sex with female friends then he is exposing his own desires for his female friends, because he is a man too right?

@Flouts1

If I really wanted to know I would get a burner phone send a message to myself from An “ old school mate” who would love to catch up as he is travelling to yore city next week and see if he mentions it

I would consider doing this, but I don't think it's actually necessary. Just reading your OP I thought 'spyware or keylogger'.

I'm with everyone else - he's got access to your digital life, and he's making sure you do NOTHING without him knowing about it. How does that make you feel? Because I have to say, it creeps me out . He does not trust you. He does not respect you. Your relationship is not what you thought it was. I think I'd consider my relationship to be over.

And I'm just going to throw this in for you to consider - generally I find people who don't trust their partners are the ones that cannot be trusted. It's projection - they'd do it ('it' could be cheating on a partner, stealing, anything unsavoury), so they can't get their head around that other people wouldn't. They'll say it's their partner's behaviour that makes them think they're cheating, but in reality the partner is doing nothing, it's their own behaviour - give that some thought, eh?

Well he's doing something to keep tabs on you. And is so jealous that he can't even keep quiet about having done it. I bet he is seething when he makes those "jokes".

@Slink01

As a man I can tell you it is absolutely normal and OK for you to have male friends and just because a male wants to be friends with you doesn't mean that they want to have anything more than a friendship with you. I do empathise with your partner to an extent as men are naturally protective with partners (which is OK in a healthy way but I have often seen some of my male friends take it too far) I personally think your partner needs to understand that it's OK to have male friends and it not be anything more than that, just like I have more friends who are female and no desire for them to be anything more. My wife and I both had male and female friends and never had an issue with it, in fact there were a couple of friends that fancied us and it was never a problem because we trusted each other. But in summary no you are not being unreasonable at all and if your partner is actively trying to find out what you are "up to" with your male friends then that needs addressing before it develops into even more unhealthy occurrences such as arguments and stalking behaviours

@Slink01 thank you for mansplaining that so eloquently for us.

I'd dump him. I don't often saw this but LTB. However he's doing it, he's invading your privacy.

@SpeckledlyHen
Slinko
Was giving his opion on the post from a male point of view not mansplaining anything