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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridezilla?

383 replies

weddingdramagreat · 10/11/2021 14:59

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 10/11/2021 18:46

[quote weddingdramagreat]@Hoppinggreen the reason is she just doesn't want to.

We went on holiday in the summer and she shared, she complained about it but didn't suggest paying more for her own room.[/quote]
And now she doesn't want to. Neither of you are being unreasonable. She manages to get to work/other engagements on time, so I'm sure she'll get to your wedding in good time.

Getting married doesn't mean you get to tell other people what to do!

StefSleeps · 10/11/2021 18:48

@Loudestcat14 I don't think it is. He's going to the wedding. Im assuming the other two do not have plus 1s. So theres 4 people that need somewhere to sleep, and 2 rooms. So makes sense to split it the way it's been split. Not cheeky at all, especially as the two friends sharing have shared a room, and even a bed, in the past, as mentioned by OP.

TidyDancer · 10/11/2021 18:50

I don't think she's done anything wrong - she's not demanding you pay, she's just saying that what you're asking her to do doesn't work for her so she's made alternative arrangements.

I personally wouldn't want to share so I'd either do what she's doing or pay for my own room.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 10/11/2021 18:51

There's no way I'd want to share a room with anyone. I have a very private medical condition that I don't discuss which means I need my own room. Your friend could be the same.

You should have asked what she wanted to do - not assume she's ok with sharing. Just let her pay the difference for a single room if it's bothering you. Or just apologise and get her a single room.

Libertaire · 10/11/2021 18:51

I wouldn’t want to share a room with anyone other than DP, and even that’s debatable sometimes…

In this situation, however, I would be more than happy to book a room at the local Premier Inn at my own expense because my unwillingness to share shouldn’t be my friend’s problem.

mumto2teenagers · 10/11/2021 18:52

I would absolutely not want to share a room.

If it was me I would probably offer to pay for my own room, but if I couldn't afford to I would travel the morning of the wedding.

It does seem unfair that one BM gets her own room with her husband and the others have to share together.

Original poster
weddingdramagreat · 10/11/2021 18:53

Well, she's said she's not coming the night before unless she gets her own room.

No suggestion to pay for her own.

OP posts:
Loudestcat14 · 10/11/2021 18:56

@weddingdramagreat

Well, she's said she's not coming the night before unless she gets her own room.

No suggestion to pay for her own.

In that case let her come down in the morning, but tell her you need her there by xx o'clock.
Pinkorchide · 10/11/2021 18:57

I was offered exactly this when I was bridesmaid in my 30’s and that was to share with a complete stranger! I didn’t have a problem with it at all and if i did I would have just said I’d pay for my own room, no dramas.

EverdeRose · 10/11/2021 18:57

3 options.

  1. She shares.
  2. She pays her own.
  3. She comes down in the morning.
TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 18:58

The majority of people who want their own room have said that they’re willing to pay for it. The BM however hasn’t. She wants an own room funded by the OP.

She’s genuinely being difficult!

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 18:59

OP can you not have a private chat with her and ask what’s on her mind?

sbhydrogen · 10/11/2021 19:00

She is BU, that's for sure.

DysmalRadius · 10/11/2021 19:01

I'm shocked people thinks it's so horrific to be asked to share a room with a CLOSE friend for two nights.

It's not horrific to suggest, but you are affronted that she's turned it down. It's your reaction to her refusal that is the issue - it's important enough to you to ask her to do something she's said she's uncomfortable with, but not important enough for you to resolve by booking another room.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 10/11/2021 19:03

For whatever reason she is clearly embarrassed about the idea of a shared room. And that's ok. It's not ok to be rude about it. Ask her if she could pay the difference to have a single room. If she declines that she is being rude and you'll have to accept that she's only going to come on the morning of the wedding.

Pipsquiggle · 10/11/2021 19:09

@weddingdramagreat

Well, she's said she's not coming the night before unless she gets her own room.

No suggestion to pay for her own.

Well tell her she's welcome to her own room at her own expense.

Something like:
We'd love to see you the night before for a relaxing meal. We can't afford single rooms for everyone so we were hoping you would share. You're very welcome to pay for your own room.

meganorks · 10/11/2021 19:10

YANBU
I can't believe some of the comments on here to be honest. It's hardly stingy! If it was asking her to share with a complete stranger, then fair enough. But if they are friends I think it is a bit weird to be so affronted at the very idea. The only explanation I can think of is that she doesn't really like said person or others who will be there the evening before.
I would just say you would prefer her to come the evening before as you want to spend the time with your bridesmaids. Tell her she can pay for her own room if she would prefer. If she insists on coming in the morning I would personally just mentally prepare myself that she might not make it and if that is the case it is not your problem and it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things

Pipsquiggle · 10/11/2021 19:10

I am guessing you're not paying for the best man's & ushers individual rooms? - can you use this as an example?

MalagaNights · 10/11/2021 19:11

"I don't want to" - is not a great reason to not do something for a good friends wedding.

If you have an actual reason: I can't afford it, I'm unwell, I have a medcial issue, I have other more pressing responsibilities, then that's reasonable.

But just:" I don't want to" about something you know will disapoint your friend who is the bride, is just a bit shit.

Mumsnet is utterly weird about these things:
no is Not a full sentence unless you don't mind looking like a dick. Most people in RL can cope with sharing a room with a good frind for one night.
Most people in the RL can see that it makes total sense for a women to share with her husband and 2 friends to share, so only 2 rooms instead of 3 are required.
No one in the RL would ask someones frinds Dh to pay half. That would be weird. Expecting this doesn't make you look like a liberated women it makes you look like you've lost touch with reality.
Most people in the RL do make an effort within reason for a good frinds wedding particuarly of they're a bridesmaid.
Most briedesmaids in the RL know that the night before and morning of a wedding are a special time to spend with the bride. That's why people ask good friends.

OP you shouldn't have asked here, it's weird about weddings.

But you proably do just need to let your friend do what she wants and try to let it go.
But it is a bit shitty unless she has a good reason. And beinf 32 is not a good reason.

TheLikesofMe · 10/11/2021 19:11

Just book another room and avoid this cloud hanging over your wedding day.

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 19:13

@DysmalRadius

I'm shocked people thinks it's so horrific to be asked to share a room with a CLOSE friend for two nights.

It's not horrific to suggest, but you are affronted that she's turned it down. It's your reaction to her refusal that is the issue - it's important enough to you to ask her to do something she's said she's uncomfortable with, but not important enough for you to resolve by booking another room.

OP is more shocked at her reaction. Friend didn’t say she was uncomfortable with room. She said the idea of sharing in general was ridiculous, making the OP seem U.

That’s the point of the whole thread not whether friend should be forced to come. But whether OP offering a single room was U.

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 19:13

*a shared room

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/11/2021 19:15

Also OP just let her come in the morning. Don’t pander to her dramatics by getting a single room

diddl · 10/11/2021 19:15

""I don't want to" - is not a great reason to not do something for a good friends wedding.

If you have an actual reason: I can't afford it, I'm unwell, I have a medcial issue, I have other more pressing responsibilities, then that's reasonable."

Nope, she's an adult & can decide what she does & doesn't want to do.

She doesn't owe explanations/reasons & shouldn't be guilt tripped into it.

Crunchymum · 10/11/2021 19:15

@weddingdramagreat

Well, she's said she's not coming the night before unless she gets her own room.

No suggestion to pay for her own.

Maybe you need to suggest she pays for her own room.

And you haven't answered the question (asked numerous time) about what her expectations are for night two?

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