Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

[quote weddingdramagreat]@GrumpyPanda no I am not 'making them share a bed'

I'm not making them do anything accept offer them a free room for two nights. How rude of me.[/quote]
You offered to pay for her to stay... perfectly fine

She say no... perfectly fine

You got then got upset because really your 'offer' wasn't a nice gesture was a 'requirement' that she had to stay the night before... that's not fine its bridezilla.

I’d share if the other bridesmaid was someone I also knew very well, but in all honesty I’d hate to share. BUT I would pay for a room of my own and not be a dick about it.

I am with your friend. She is an adult now it’s strange you think they can share rooms like you are all still in uni.

I hate sharing too and wpuld want my own room.

Id also be annoyed that i was expected to pay my own way if I wanted a room on my own, but my married friend was getting a free one as she had a husband?

You should have said you have x amount to put towards accommodation, meaning they either share and its free for everyone, or they all share a proportion of the third room cost, meaning everyone gets reduced accommodation. She shouldn't have to pay while the couple get a free one, you are penalising her for being single and she clearly doesn't like it

@adrianmolesmole I didn't say her life wasn't important .... that's a huge (and incorrect leap)

But if she was a single mother with children then obviously it would be a lot harder to come up the night before.

Doesn't mean I don't think her life is important!

If I had asked them to stay and not offered to pay for anyone's room then I think I would get complaints about that too.

I initially thought that making the single friends share a room was unfair, but I retract my opinion.
OP is actually paying the exact same amount per head. Even if the husband was made to pay his half it would still result in 2 people per room

Not unless the husband is part of the bridal party.

Personally? It's a complete non-issue. As a discussion it's interesting to see all the views

I can't believe so many are saying they wouldn't share a room. I certainly would for a night for a very good friend who is paying for it all. Some people are just high maintenance 🙄

I snore.

DH puts up with it, and knew before we got married.

I absolutely would not share a room with anyone. Are there enough rooms available do that she can get one for herself and share the cost with the other BM?

But then I wondered, are you paying all the costs of the room being shared with a DH? That doesn't seem quite fair

Why is there such anger that I am paying for the other bridesmaids DH?

Do you want me to charge him half? How ridiculous.

What is she going to do on the wedding night? Surely, she's not going to drive back to London?

@mrsbitaly

I can't believe so many are saying they wouldn't share a room. I certainly would for a night for a very good friend who is paying for it all. Some people are just high maintenance 🙄

No they aren't Some people have medical issues that they don't want to share with someone they don't feel comfortable with. Wind your neck in.

Just got married. All bridesmaids shared a room, even those who didn’t know each other beforehand. It’s fine!

@RampantIvy she doesn't have any medical issues.

We are close and have just been on holiday together where she shared around (although complained)

It's not a medical issue, based on the responses here I think it's because she feels hard done by that the other BM is sharing with her husband

How much money are we taking about? What's the cost of a room? What's the extra if they each paid for half a room on top of what you're paying to have one each?

I can understand why you're irritated but it's probably small change in the grand scheme of a wedding for someone close enough to be your bridesmaid.

@weddingdramagreat

Why is there such anger that I am paying for the other bridesmaids DH?

Do you want me to charge him half? How ridiculous.

No, but surely you can see it's unfair to front one bridesmaid a room to herself with her DH but expect the other two to bunk up to save costs?

@Loudestcat14

Saving costs would be not to offer to pay for any of their rooms at all. Or literally all their expenses all weekend.

I'm shocked people thinks it's so horrific to be asked to share a room with a CLOSE friend for two nights.

Last time she broke up with someone she was dating, she stayed at the same friends house in her bed for company.

weddingdramagreat True, that would be the ultimate cost saver and I don't think anyone is saying you're not generous for offering to pay for rooms in the first place. But I can see why she might be miffed at having to share if one bridesmaid gets a hotel room to herself with her DH.

Have you suggested she pay the balance if she wants a room to herself? What was her reaction?

Ultimately though, if she wants to come up on the morning of the wedding now there's not much you can do about it.

@RampantIvy

I don't think anyone should have to share a room if they aren't comfortable to

I agree. If it were me I would be paying for a room for myself.

Expecting close female friends to all have separate rooms is weird to me.

Not to me

Honestly all this guff about 'medical issues' etc etc really is (I hate to say it but in this case it's true ...) very 'snowflake' generation.

You lack any kind of understanding about other people’s problems @Finknottlesnewt. I’m in my 60s. I don’t want to share a room with anyone other than DH, DD or my sister. I’m not being precious. I have IBS and I don’t want to share a bathroom with anyone else thank you. Also, I don’t sleep well with someone I don’t know very well. Just because some of you don’t mind it doesn’t make it wrong for those of us who do mind. However, I would be happy to pay to have my own room.

But I would hold it against someone if they sneered at me or called me a snowflake for not being prepared to share a room, or contemptuously dismissed my medical issues

And so would I @ddl1

I don't think you get "too old" to share rooms. She just sounds entitled and a bit stuck up

No, she doesn’t @violetanemone. You sound cold and lacking in empathy and understanding

Getting the bride ready in the morning is one of the most basic tasks asked of a bridesmaid

Is it? Do brides really need three women to help them get ready?

Hmmmm I think that there is some considerable difference between sharing a room with someone you lived with in the last decade and have also subsequently travelled with Especially as this person is still only 32 . If however my friend had subsequently married , had kids and a further THREE DECADES had slipped by - I may then consider that my knowledge of my close friend MAY have changed in the intervening years..

You really are talking and assuming nonsense .

Where is she planning to sleep the night of the wedding? Has she got her own hotel room or is she happy to share then?

OP, what time is your wedding? I think a big part of the issue here is that you want the bridesmaids there to help you get ready on the day – surely this is a fundamental aspect of being a bridesmaid?

So if she'd prefer to arrive on the day, fine, but you say you would like her there at x time, can she do that? If she's just thinking of rocking up at the church just before you, there isn't much point in her being a bridesmaid…

As for the night of the wedding, that's not your problem. There's a shared room on offer, or she can pay for a single room for herself (which is, after all, what most people do after a wedding if they are staying over), or she can travel home. She has options, she can choose the one which suits her best. It won't matter to you

[quote weddingdramagreat]@adrianmolesmole I didn't say her life wasn't important .... that's a huge (and incorrect leap)

But if she was a single mother with children then obviously it would be a lot harder to come up the night before.

Doesn't mean I don't think her life is important!

If I had asked them to stay and not offered to pay for anyone's room then I think I would get complaints about that too.[/quote]
OP I completely see your point!
In every other wedding thread the justification for not being able to stay late etc is people having DC and long meandering explanations about not being able to find a babysitter. Which is all true and fair enough.
This person doesn't have any DC therefore you're not asking her to do something that incurs a great amount of extra expense. Yes she may have other responsibilities but there's no need for people to make up a backstory.

Honestly I don't know why people are being s harsh but that's AIBU for you. The issue is 99% probably due to the other BM getting a room with her husband and she feels she should have a single room. For her to respond so rudely is hurtful, if you were close friends and presumably know each other well. None of my ride or die friends from uni would do this and I'd be shocked if they did!

*sorry not stay late I mean being at a wedding longer than the minimum required time

I wouldn't share a room with anyone - including sisters and best friend but I would have just explained this and asked if I could book a separate room.

She is being a brat.

I have a friend that has been a bridesmaid twice within our friends group - each time she’s said she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a room and could they book her one for herself -at the expense of the couple.

We go away as a group regularly and when she pays herself she always shares a room, one of the previous brides asked if she was booking a separate room for herself and she said no she was fine sharing rather than throwing money away.

I would personally be disappointed if one of my close friends wasn’t excited about my wedding, I don’t see it as strange them sharing a room… to me it adds to the excitement! When I’ve been a bridesmaid we’ve been too excited to sleep the night before and have watched a film in bed with some pampering ready for the big day.

@LoveGoldberg

I have a friend that has been a bridesmaid twice within our friends group - each time she’s said she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a room and could they book her one for herself -at the expense of the couple.

We go away as a group regularly and when she pays herself she always shares a room, one of the previous brides asked if she was booking a separate room for herself and she said no she was fine sharing rather than throwing money away.

I would personally be disappointed if one of my close friends wasn’t excited about my wedding, I don’t see it as strange them sharing a room… to me it adds to the excitement! When I’ve been a bridesmaid we’ve been too excited to sleep the night before and have watched a film in bed with some pampering ready for the big day.

Yes exactly! And I have friends whom I know wouldn't be caught dead sharing a room. But I know my close friends and OP doesn't seem like a dick so presumably she knows if it's out of character.