Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

Would she share a room with you? My cousin/bridesmaid shared my room and my other 2 bridesmaids (who didn't know each other well) also shared. I don't think I'd have wanted to be on my own the night before the wedding....

I think she shouldn't have to share a room - but she can pay for her own (which is what I'd do). If she wants to come down the next that's fine. I wouldn't get stressed about it... if she's late then she's late (no I wouldn't wait)

Probably feels put out that one bridesmaid doesn't have to share as she is married and therefore gets her own room with her husband. That would be my guess.

@ddl1

I think:

YANBU to offer to pay for shared rooms, and expect anyone who doesn't want this to pay for their own room (you could offer to pay the same as you would for the share, and have her pay the difference; but you don't have to pay at all) or to travel at crazy o'clock to make sure she's there on time.

YABU to complain about someone not wanting to share a room, and assume that she's just being difficult.

The bridesmaid is NBU to refuse to share: there could be many reasons for this; and it may even be that the reason why she's single in her 30s is because having her own space at night is very important to her..

She WBU to expect you to pay extra for it. She would also be U to be careless about being late; but there's no evidence that she is.

She is BU to say that you are 'ridiculous' to expect anyone to share. That does depend on whether it was her immediate response to the suggestion (quite U and rude), or whether you pressed her about it and she snapped (more understandable).

But she's sharing the day after the wedding! So clearly her own space at night isn't the issue here

*the night of the wedding not the day after

Goodness, I’m 37 and still share a bed with my girlfriends when we have a girls trip!

My husband and his best friend shared a room last night while at a gig and my best friend and I will share a room next week at a gig. I don't understand good mates, or even just mates not wanting to share a room.

I think you are being really generous paying for all that op.

I hate sharing a room so would do the same. It's nit relevant that you perceive she has no commitments, or that she's single and childless (does that mean she's worth less respect ffs). She doesn't want to share a room and she's perfectly entitled to that opinion.

But she's sharing the day after the wedding! So clearly her own space at night isn't the issue here

This is indeed a bit puzzling; but maybe she particularly needs space when she's doing her hair and dressing up for the wedding.

I think she’s being a PITA. How is sharing the night of the wedding different to the night before?!

I wouldn't want to share a room either, OP. I'd suck it up for your wedding but I'd be uncomfortable the entire night and probably wouldn't get much sleep. However, I'd also be willing to pay for my own room.

@PinkiOcelot

I think she’s being a PITA. How is sharing the night of the wedding different to the night before?!

Maybe after the wedding she'll be too drunk to care

I'm in Ireland and the night of wedding is paid for by the marrying couple at any wedding I've been at if you're part of the wedding party. Any wedding party I've been in, the bridal party had their own rooms and weren't expected to share on the wedding night. Any other nights are out of your own wallet but you also have the choice of staying or not. I hate sharing a room and would rather have my own, I'd hate to be forced and tbh in this case I'd be a bit pissed that the other BM has basically got her own room. The married BM has a weekend away with her DH and the single girls get to share a room for the weekend. You could have got a triple for the night before to make it all the same and then they change next day to twin and double, have also been at wedding this has happened.

YANBU she sounds like a Bridesmaidzilla. If she wants to pay extra for her own room I see no problem with that, but she hasn't even thought of that. Have you suggested that to her?

For my sisters hen do I was meant to share with her but she decided to leave the club very early.

I ended up sharing a double bed with a mate of hers I’d never met before as were the last women standing.

Was a great night and similar age to you. I think she’s being a princess. If she wants her own room she can pay for it or arrange and pay for her own travel on the day.

@CactusLemonSpice

Probably feels put out that one bridesmaid doesn't have to share as she is married and therefore gets her own room with her husband. That would be my guess.

I think that that's probably it, especially if she's willing to share the night of the wedding.

Unless there's something going on the night before that she doesn't want to take part in?

For all those saying 'I would share a room, ' it really doesn't matter what you would do. It's about what this bridesmaid is prepared to do.

There are countless people on here that have said they wouldn't want to share a room but they would pay for their own.

OP - what have you done for the best man and ushers? Are they getting shared rooms? Can you use this as an example of how you can't pay for everyone's room?

OP needs to be explicit that she won't pay for separate rooms for everyone.

Well if she doesn't want to share then perhaps sharing for one night only is her compromise?

Well she will miss out on the fun then won't she.... you and the other bm can have a laugh the night before and fun getting ready. As other pp have said, if she's late, she's late, what's the worst that will happen. If she wants her own room then she pays for it. Don't entertain her drama, and tbh on the day, you won't give a shit and she will be the one left out.

I’d just say I’m sorry to hear that-look forward to seeing on the day then. She’s just trying to guilt trip you into paying for her to have her own room-and make no mistake-if to pay it for the night before, she’s not going to want to move and share the night of either and will then kick off about that. If she wants her own room, she pays. You’ve been more than generous in your offer.

I think you've been very generous and I'd be annoyed. I've been a bridesmaid a few times and only once have the couple paid for my accommodation. Not much you can do though!

A lot of people don’t like sharing a room. I don’t, except with my DH, and even with him I struggle when away in a different place. This is because of my long-term problems with insomnia.

So I’d probably feel the same way as your friend, although I’d simply pay for my own room, which I would always expect to do at a wedding.

It does sound as if the friend has been ungracious about the OP’s generous offer. If that’s how she responded then YANBU to feel put out.

@pumpkinfan

It's fine for her not to want to share but paying for their accommodation at all is generous so she can't expect you to pay for separate rooms. If she doesn't want to pay the difference herself then you'll just have to accept her decision to come up in the morning. It's a shame but nothing you can do.

This.

Ps I'm with you OP-If I didn't want to I also would have just sucked it up. Seems very ungrateful

I think she is being very precious to be honest, especially if she is happy to share on the night of the wedding but not the night before. From what you’ve said you are all close, having lived and travelled together in the past. I’d say if she wants her own room then she can pay for it herself.

I realise very one is different, but when I was BM for my friend, she booked a suite with a main room and twin room either side of the bathroom for the night before the wedding and she, her sister and I all shared it together. We then all had hair and makeup done the next day in the room and there was plenty of room for us all to get dressed. Her sister and I were both pregnant with our own partners but had no qualms about doing this, it was actually lovely to spend that evening and morning together.

Would something like this be an option for you at all?

I also thought her reply to you was less than polite. You've already made a generous offer.
She wants her own room and she wants to pressurise you into paying for it and I agree with previous poster, once you offer this, she will want it for two nights, not one... and then you will be paying for three rooms, for 2 nights each.