AIBU re my Christmas standoff

[ChristmasHumbuggery]

I usually get lumbered with cooking Christmas for my in-laws because I live a distance away from my family and if they come to stay it is for a good few days and they miss out on everything around them. I have hosted my in-laws many, many, many times including DH's middle-aged siblings.

So last year I called off Christmas at mine due to Covid. As a result, certain in-laws got in a huff and they took it out on my DC by not getting them a Christmas gift, and then a birthday gift. That is all fine by me now because that leads me into my AIBU.

So, this Christmas my family are coming to stay as we have not seen them a lot over the past 18 months. My DH has been told by his mum that they won't come to ours then i.e. they are put out my family are coming. My point here is - I don't remember inviting them in the first place and since they have had the monopoly on Christmases with us why is this even a conversation?

I have started my Christmas shopping and I am not getting PIL/SIL anything. After all they don't buy anything for us and I do all the work at Christmas with zero thanks. If I do nothing, they will probably get nothing as my DH won't think to do it. Also, I am not inviting them over during the Christmas period. If they want to see us, they can invite us over to theirs and they can do all the work for a change, but they won't because they are tight gits.

So, my Christmas has just got a bit lighter but not less stressed out. I think there will be a massive standoff though and my DH will get stressed out with the PA comments from MIL.

Not really an AIBU but more of a rant. This year I feel I have made massive leaps on the Christmas front and have broken a very long-standing habit that had set in with my in-laws.

You go girl! Your plan sounds marvellous. Make sure you don’t give in and please, please get back on how it pans out.

Should have ditched being a martyr to their lazy, cheap, restful Christmases a long time ago.
Put your feet up, concentrate on your own family and tell your DH to get a grip. You are not the handmaid to the lot of them.

YANBU. This all sounds absolutely bonkers.

You DH must really struggle to stand upright with his complete lack of spine.

Good for you. But you need to speak to your husband and get him to back you up. I can’t believe they withheld presents from their own grandchildren to punish you. They sound like right b***ds and I wouldn’t won’t them in my house anyway. What did your husband think of his parents behaviour?
Chill out, don’t worry about them and have a wonderful Christmas with your family 👍🏻

You and your DH to need sit down, discuss how you are feeling, how he is feeling and devise a joint plan on the way forward

My toxic in laws have been a nightmare for years. Luckily I had a massive row with them earlier in the year & in one fell swoop, have wiped them all out if my life 😂

Dh has already been informed that he's now I'm charge of birthdays & Christmas for his family. He's unlikely to even remember unless Facebook tells him 😂

I still don't understand why they've been coming to you for Christmas for so long! Why!?

Your poor family!

Well done you!

My parents live nearby but usually stay at our home for a week over Christmas. I do all the planning, shopping & cooking with no input from them apart from looking over my shoulder, telling me what I’m doing wrong.
I have always had to choose, buy & wrap the Christmas presents for both children & my husband from them. They would just write the tag & not offer any money even when reminded. Last year I had a half used puzzle book for my present.
This year, we are running away. Wish us luck x

If you remember it was actually illegal to have family to visit last Christmas we were in lockdown!!!

@ChristmasHumbuggery

Next year my family won't come and I am planning on going away with DH and DC. By that time PIL and my 2 SIL's will hopefully sort some new traditions out and I will only have to host them occasionally.

I know I cannot tell other people how to run their Christmases but if DH has 2 middle-aged sisters why am I doing every Christmas and not 1/3.

Also, it wasn't GP who didn't send presents, it was the 2 SIL's.

Er, you don’t have to host them at all! Ever again.

They owe you YEARS of hosting before you ever lift a finger again.

Age old problem. My family i never see at Christmas as my parents died early in my life. My pils i hosted for years as they were very good to us Sil was hosted with our family years. My lovely dil has hosted us all for the last 3 years. Due to covid we missed last year and will this year. Kids all get their presents and no issue.

@clarehhh depends where you were. Round here you could mix indoors on Xmas day but not have people overnight.

@CeeceeBloomingdale

Ignore the fact you didn't invite them as they've said they aren't coming, no point causing an argument when it's already sorted. Tell you DH you won't be hosting them over the festive period but are open to going to theirs if invited. Tell him also that you are not buying them gifts then he will have the option to do that himself if he would like to. Job done, don't sweat it.

I agree with this and other similar responses. People will get away with all sorts of behaviour if no one speaks up or changes their behaviour towards people like this. When I was a single parent I hosted Christmas Day for several relatives. It used to cost around £150 (quite a long time ago). One year, I was so stressed and exhausted with it all that I said I would arrange for Christmas dinner at a country pub and it would cost £25 each ( yes, a long time ago 😊). No-one said they’d come. In the end, I thought ‘Fuck the lot of you.’ I went on my own with my kids and we had a lovely time. And I had a stress free day.

@cakewench

YANBU. This all sounds absolutely bonkers.

You DH must really struggle to stand upright with his complete lack of spine.

OP - you have done more than I would. Have a nice time with your family and don't mention presents to your DH - - they slipped your mind didn't they, completely forgot, it could happen to anyone !!

They are selfish.