To wonder why so many people are so awful to serving/retail staff?

[KevinTheKoala]

Just that really, I am a waitress and have been a retail worker before this and while there have always been horrible customers it genuinley seems to be getting more frequent. Myself and my colleagues are on minimum wage just trying to do our jobs so we really deserve such vitriol? Just yesterday I was given abuse from a very large table of people because they wanted to buy their very young child an age restricted product, then lied to another waitress about how long I had left them waiting (we have a timer on the food we can clearly see how long a table has been waiting) when I had a full section and really was trying my best. I don't think a single day goes by anymore without receiving some sort of abuse or false complaint and its really starting to get me down, are we really so worthless that we deserve to be treated this way? I can't stick up for myself, luckily my managers now are fantastic and will stick up for me but not all managers are. I feel trapped, I dread going to work because people can be so awful (some are lovely but you never know who will be nasty) but I can't afford to not go to work and every job in my pay grade means I will be subjected to some sort of abuse. I m not very resilient I admit that, years of childhood abuse, domestic abuse from previous relationships, bullying etc. Have left me a shell who is petrified of confrontation/dissapointing anybody. Unfortunately NHS doesn't offer much help for that and I can't pay for private therapy because I am on minimum wage and still rely on tips to get by at the end of the month so there isn't alot I can do about my lack of resilience but even so, a that isn't a reason for people to be so vile.

I honestly don't know what's happened to manners. I had a summer job as a waitress when I was a teenager and no-one ever was impolite or told stupid lies. Even a complaint was ultra polite!

We were spoken to like crap by staff in a well known shop chain yesterday for politely returning a faulty item (with receipt), and I did wonder where their manners had gone. All words can be exchanged politely.

It seems to be an selfish and entitled society. It's very worrying.

I work in events and the abuse we get is unbelievable. When I go to a gig as a punter I'm always polite and do what the staff says. We can be outside in freezing cold for 14/16hr days on minimum wage and abuse can almost break you.

It's horrendous OP. I see it all the time and tbh it puts me off eating out because staff are, understandably, becoming defensive. Combined with the horrors of TripAdviser bullies I have no idea how any one manages in the industry any more.

People in general are di#ks nowadays. Id be mortified to speak to anyone like that in public, let alone someone who is doing their job.
10 years ago I was in retail and luckily no one ever said anything bad to me but there were the odd incidents where customers would be cheeky and ask for discount then say inappropriate things like 'you're not really good at your job if you can't even make a sale, I'm trying to help YOU make a sale here' (I worked in a high street jeweller)

I've been sat at a table with extended family and had wanted to literally die and be swallowed by the ground, witnessing a cousin of mine being an absolute cunt to waiting staff over absolutely fuck all.

I've had waiting staff ignore me and be incredibly rude and even had one roll eyes at me but rather than complain or get nasty in return, I'll always just pay my bill and withhold a tip if they have been this way with me. There is no room for behaviour like that towards anyone.

It saddens me how many actual rancid people there are who treat those in retail/hospitality/services in this way.

I've been sat at a table with extended family and had wanted to literally die and be swallowed by the ground, witnessing a cousin of mine being an absolute cunt to waiting staff over absolutely fuck all.

Well why didn't you call them out?

You shouldn't be abused. Don't mix up a complaint about waiting etc for personal abuse (unless they phrase it as such) people are complaining about the whole service and if you are understaffed it is your managers they are annoyed with.
I think people are in general a bit more fragile just now and for too many people that comes out in aggression.

Because they are an easy target, however they do shoot themselves in the foot. My DD works for a very well known chain of stores and she and her colleagues go straight into dribbling imbecility mode if someone is nasty to them. They can spin a refund out to 20 minutes (dependent on the queues) that can literally be done in 2.

@Tailendofsummer if a customer has genuinley had a long wait, or a mistake on their order then that's very different but I can be running around trying to see to everyone (we are very understaffed but upper management don't care when the managers have told them we don't have enough staff) and they will be shouting at us directly.

So very true. I used to end up regularly in tears when I worked in hospitality. Shouting, clicking fingers, yoohoos, ‘have you been to school’ (because I checked if they wanted to split 50/50), ‘smile!’, and those you try to belittle you in front of their friends, I’ve had the lot.

Some people I think are just horrible people who treat everyone like shite. However, I agree there's an extra level in these kind of roles. I think some think as they're paying for the food or whatever it somehow gives them the right to treat the staff as commodities rather than people. Others assume a level of superiority over staff, which of course is a load of crap.

Oh I really feel for you! I've worked in both retail and hospitality and being a waitress is by far the most demoralising job. People are fucking awful and mostly for no reason. Manners really are hard to come by now

In hospitality (as a customer, not working) I've seen people be rude when they've been waiting a long time for their order or received the wrong order or something wrong with their food.

There's no reason to be rude, especially if it's the first time you're raising it.

My old manager used to click his fingers at waiting staff and talk to them like shit. He was incredibly entitled. I told him if he did it again I wouldn't attend any more company events with him.

However sometimes waiting staff automatically get defensive and rude.
Once I was out for dinner with two friends.
My starter came out still slightly frozen (a ping food kinda place!) which I mentioned to the waiting staff. They said they'd get it sorted but my friends had started their starters already at this point so I asked if I could just skip the starter instead - all fine.
Then two of our mains came out completely wrong. No big deal, I thought, until the server said "I'll just tell the chef you've got another problem then, shall I?" in a stroppy, childish manager.

When he brought us the bill, the starter that had arrived frozen was still on there.

At this point I asked to speak to the manager. I don't like to do that but this guy had already been rude, incompetent and defensive.

It takes a lot for me to get to that point.

People just have no basic manners or respect these days. I worked in a retail job for over 10yrs and was regularly treated like dirt, talked to like dirt, even had violence and threats against me. All whilst working a minimum wage job trying trying to support my son.
I would never talk to someone the way people spoke to me.

I completely agree with you - I used to waitress while at uni and so know what its like to be wait staff and I always make a point of making eye contact and thanking them for their help.

I worked in restaurants and hotels for 10 years while at school and then university.

Worst time of my life.

I think there’s definitely a superiority and power play - people feel entitled to treat staff like shit because they’re paying for a service. And the constant threat of complaints to management or bad trip adviser reviews.

Truly awful.

I worked tables/shop floor in my teens/early twenties.

Jesus Christ.

I was verbally abused, shouted at, had things thrown at me, pushed, verbally harassed, touched.

It was awful and I don't know anyone who has worked in retail that hasn't been.

In my experience, it mostly came from people 50+. The women were habitually rude/spoke to me like shit/lied/clicked etc whilst the men who in cases were old enough to be my grandfather often treated me like I was there for their sexual gratification.

At the time it was so normalised that I never reported it or saw anything wrong with it. As an adult that now horrifies me and I must admit the thought of my daughter working in a job like that makes me exceedingly uncomfortable.

Because they are an easy target, however they do shoot themselves in the foot. My DD works for a very well known chain of stores and she and her colleagues go straight into dribbling imbecility mode if someone is nasty to them. They can spin a refund out to 20 minutes (dependent on the queues) that can literally be done in 2.

Could it be because they haven’t been trained how to deal with difficult, nasty customers? Many people when blindsided by nastiness and aren’t used to it can get stunned and struggle afterwards. Sad that you say that about your own child.

It depends on area and what is allowed by the company and community in my experience. I work in a neighbourhood in Oxford and have been for 2+ years and I can count on one hand how many times I have had rude customers and the ones that were rude were usually tourists that weren’t used to paying for a £.10 bag. It’s heavily frowned on to be rude to staff and the manager will support you (unless you have been rude) and come out if you need them. There’s a hotline to call if you have dealt with difficult customers and stressed about the job. I’ve also had the displeasure with dealing with rude staff and I’ve noticed it is usually places that will make money regardless so aren’t fussed by how their staff is treated or how the staff treats customers unless they have a reputation to uphold.

[quote KevinTheKoala]@Tailendofsummer if a customer has genuinley had a long wait, or a mistake on their order then that's very different but I can be running around trying to see to everyone (we are very understaffed but upper management don't care when the managers have told them we don't have enough staff) and they will be shouting at us directly.[/quote]
Even if a mistake has been made it still doesnt give anyone the right to talk to you like shit. Mistakes happen.

I think unfortunately by and large the general public are arseholes. I think most who've spent any time in customer facing roles would agree. Perhaps if everyone had experience of these jobs it estoppel, but I wouldn't hold my breath. As retail/hospitality staff you are lower down the pecking order and some (a lot of!) people can't resist behaving like a bully to someone they perceived as 'weaker' - ie can't respond in kind as would lose their job

I think a good measure of a person is not how they treat their superiors of even their peers but how they treat others such as those in more junior roles of a job or those serving them in retail or hospitality. The people who are dicks to waiting staff are showing their true colours as rude inconsiderate arses

People are rude because they have never heard of ‘the waiter test’, and don’t realise that, far from looking superior, they are making themselves look like absolute dicks.

They also haven’t realised that being nice to the serving employees gets you freebies, extras, and a very genuine warm welcome back.

I’m so sorry that you have to deal with these dicks every day. I hope that you get enough polite customers to counteract the dicks..

I think it's particularly bad at the moment because almost everywhere seems understaffed - people absolutely shouldn't take that out on individual staff members, it's not their fault in any way, but I think it's leading to a lot more frustration all round and some people (again, unjustifiably) get nasty.

@Aimee1987

I think a good measure of a person is not how they treat their superiors of even their peers but how they treat others such as those in more junior roles of a job or those serving them in retail or hospitality. The people who are dicks to waiting staff are showing their true colours as rude inconsiderate arses

That’s ‘the waiter test’. I won’t work for anyone who fails it, and I also think it’s a good way of checking out prospective partners.

I will say that when I worked in a takeaway we were not trained or even allowed to amend bills/deal with complaints - even to offer to send missing food out without asking managers first and the powerlessness that you feel when you know something does need to be fixed makes it even harder to deal with the customer (who is understandable frustrated) shouting at you and demanding that you give them a refund (that you can't do) and so that might be a reason for things like refunds seeming to take a longer time than they should.

I'm also not denying that some staff can be unnecessarily rude - if there is a problem with the food that is never the customers fault and shouldn't be treated as such so I'm sorry for anyone who has experienced that sort of thing.