To wonder why so many people are so awful to serving/retail staff?

[KevinTheKoala]

Just that really, I am a waitress and have been a retail worker before this and while there have always been horrible customers it genuinley seems to be getting more frequent. Myself and my colleagues are on minimum wage just trying to do our jobs so we really deserve such vitriol? Just yesterday I was given abuse from a very large table of people because they wanted to buy their very young child an age restricted product, then lied to another waitress about how long I had left them waiting (we have a timer on the food we can clearly see how long a table has been waiting) when I had a full section and really was trying my best. I don't think a single day goes by anymore without receiving some sort of abuse or false complaint and its really starting to get me down, are we really so worthless that we deserve to be treated this way? I can't stick up for myself, luckily my managers now are fantastic and will stick up for me but not all managers are. I feel trapped, I dread going to work because people can be so awful (some are lovely but you never know who will be nasty) but I can't afford to not go to work and every job in my pay grade means I will be subjected to some sort of abuse. I m not very resilient I admit that, years of childhood abuse, domestic abuse from previous relationships, bullying etc. Have left me a shell who is petrified of confrontation/dissapointing anybody. Unfortunately NHS doesn't offer much help for that and I can't pay for private therapy because I am on minimum wage and still rely on tips to get by at the end of the month so there isn't alot I can do about my lack of resilience but even so, a that isn't a reason for people to be so vile.

Dd has been working at a local coffee shop since June. She can count on one hand the number of rude customers over the past 5 months. Its a rarity. Its a village coffee shop with a real sense of community though - perhaps that makes a difference?

I have a theory (may be completely false) that, nowadays, people are so used to having an app or website where you press a button and it does it all for you instantly - obviously without needing to be thanked - many of them have actually lost the skills in dealing with actual people and the appreciation of human time, efforts and feelings, when helping or serving them - even in cases where the server has to go to a lot of effort or difficulty to do it

Nope. I worked in retail over 20 years ago and people were dickheads back then too. I worked in customer service (refunds and exchanges) and it's a combination of entitlement, service staff being 'lesser' ('I pay your wages!') and folk who told like being told 'No'.

Oh, yes, I do agree, of course; but what I'm driving at (and it is only an unprovable theory) is that there's a lot more blurring of the character types.

Back then, you'd have a certain kind of person - the 'call a spade a spade', 'don't mince my words', 'I speak my mind' arseholes personalities who had developed into/made the conscious decision to be like that and were proud to own their nastiness.

Nowadays, I'm wondering if that a lot of people end up in that mindset without really thinking about it or making that conscious decision - because they're so used to their phone doing many things for them in an instant and, of course, not needing/wanting to be thanked or shown any human courtesy in the meantime.

We've all had a good-natured smile when a (usually) elderly person makes their first forays on the internet and will use their normal inbuilt manners there, e.g. "Could you please help me to find out when the library in Tring is open until? Thank you very much" when all you really need is "Tring library opening times" - because it's a computer.

I just think there's at least an element of some people being so used to using (and getting frustrated with) emotionless tech that they forget how to relate to actual humans.

I work at a nice cafe in a specialist sports centre. The regulars (Adults. teenagers, parents and children) are so so lovely.

School holidays, however, are a nightmare. I’m a parent, so I know what eating with kids is like, but my god, the parents who bring their kids in for a one off are SO RUDE. They take over the entire cafe, leave rubbish everywhere, talk rudely to the staff and patronise the younger members of staff, ignore the safety rules of the centre, let their children scream and run around while others are working (we get a lot of regulars coming to work on their laptops in the cafe)/eating.
The other day someone spilt an entire jelly on the floor, in a smashed glass jar, and they just left it for us to find. Ugh, it made me so cross.
It’s so disheartening, I’ve worked in some shitty jobs, but nothing makes you feel more worthless than cafe work in a school holiday!

Life is so short OP. Retrain. Get a better job. You can do it

in our team, the colleague who is the least good at dealing with tricky customers gets the worst rudeness from people, I think she unwittingly winds them up instead of calming them down.
I am a really calm person and polite, but I do get frustrated with shop staff that basically can't be arsed, or have no subject knowledge of their product. I don't show it, but can imagine some people are not as patient and do let rip on them.
But agree with a PP you could have 100 lovely customers and its the 1 arsehole that sticks in your mind.

I have never been abusive. But I have been wound up by staff who don't actually listen to a complaint politely made and instead keep repeating a mantra response e.g. I got this rug delivered and it is not the size I ordered. Staff member on repeat - we don't give refunds.
It is deeply frustrating when someone does not actually listen to what you are saying.

@LimitIsUp

Dd has been working at a local coffee shop since June. She can count on one hand the number of rude customers over the past 5 months. Its a rarity. Its a village coffee shop with a real sense of community though - perhaps that makes a difference?

I think it definitely makes a difference! I now work in a village coffee shop and have very few rude customers but I worked for Starbucks previously and we had rude horrible customers every day. We were faceless staff they could abuse, they just saw the big brand.

I've worked in many waitress and barista jobs during uni, and there really are a lot of vile members of the general public.

One of my current jobs involves a bit of retail in a niche sector, and we do get the general public coming in. I 100% have noticed that whilst nice customers seem to have gotten nicer since the pandemic, rude customers have gotten ten times ruder and more stupid.

I remember at my first waitressing jobs, I'd often have to excuse myself to cry in the back because of vile customers dishing out verbal abuse. Now I'm a little older, I'm tougher and more confident, and if customers are rude to me then I will be equally rude back with no hesitation. I'm in a lucky position to be able to do this, as my boss takes an even firmer and blunter stance with rude people than I do - nothing brings me more joy than when a ridiculous, rude customer says they want to speak to my manager with pleasure!

The majority of our work comes from business customers anyway, who are always much, much easier to deal with than the general public, so we can afford to piss a few of these people off to be honest

@TotallySuper

Life is so short OP. Retrain. Get a better job. You can do it

Do you mean a different job rather than a 'better' job?

I've never understood it. If you are awful to staff then they aren't going to want to help you.
I used to work for a bank and if a customer came in or rang up all shouty then it immediately set the tone and made me not want to go above and beyond in order to help them.
I often found as well that after they had gone on their shouty rant and I asked calmly 'what can we do to put this right for you?' (whether our mistake or TBF very often theirs) they didn't actually know. The red mist had descended and they'd not thought beyond that.

I've never understood it. If you are awful to staff then they aren't going to want to help you.
I used to work for a bank and if a customer came in or rang up all shouty then it immediately set the tone and made me not want to go above and beyond in order to help them.
I often found as well that after they had gone on their shouty rant and I asked calmly 'what can we do to put this right for you?' (whether our mistake or TBF very often theirs) they didn't actually know. confused The red mist had descended and they'd not thought beyond that.

The mistake you've made there is to credit people like this with some kind of intelligence and common sense. Nope, they're basically just angry overgrown toddlers.

They like to feel powerful. I am seriously nice to
service staff because I’ve been there and treated like shot on their shoe. I actually think we should end this ‘customer is always right’ crap and let staff stand up for themselves. I think
People would be a lot less likely to be arseholes if they knew it wasn’t going to be tolerated. They
Know staff aren’t supposed to be rude and they get off that. Take that power away.

@TotallySuper

Life is so short OP. Retrain. Get a better job. You can do it

This is exactly the sort of thing I mean, that people say to retail staff without thinking. I know what you mean, OP but @LimitIsup is correct in asking if you meant to say "different".

clearly here by "better" she merely meant "a job where you aren't harangued by dickheads"

I am sure she meant that but she didn't say that. Sometimes the words chosen are important

I judge people by how they deal with shop assistants and waiting staff. It is a very good measure of working out very quickly if someone is an entitled idiot.

@Arrowheart

I judge people by how they deal with shop assistants and waiting staff. It is a very good measure of working out very quickly if someone is an entitled idiot.

Also, receptionists. . . and cleaners.

It's not a new thing. There were the odd but a regular number of people who were really rude, drunk, gropey etc when I worked in a pub/restaurant nearly 30 years ago. And certainly a percentage were rude when I worked in a shop afterwards.

I think things have got worse over the last year or so with the pandemic. People feeling angry, scared, impotent, anxious. Customer service has plummeted, many hospitality places are understaffed. Not that it's the fault of the individual staff, but some people have no idea how to make a legitimate complaint politely. Also I've never had so many shop and hospitality staff be rude to me as a customer, ordering people about with the rules and directions for particular places that differ slightly each time. Some people enjoy ordering people around or assume beligerence when you don't actually know there is a one way system or whatever. Plus some people just let off steam about the shitness of their lives at whoever they come across first. No excuses, but just suggesting why things might have got worse just recently.

I work in retail and people are fine until they don't get their own way . I declined a return yesterday on a pair of trousers that had obviously been washed ( the smell was so strong ) and the guy went nuts . Thing is he was in the wrong , no tags and clearly washed and I was polite in explaining that ..

I actually thing he may have picked up the wrong pair from home and suggested that but it didn't go down well 🤷‍♀️

The abuse I got as a doctors receptionist was unreal.People couldn't understand that it was the doctors that set the amount of appointments that were available and kicked off if I couldn't "squeeze them in' a specific doctors list.I had a man bang his hand aggressively on the desk at me because something was wrong with his prescription.So glad I left that job.

@ElftonWednesday Yes I have seen some pretty awful staff as well in the last year. I assume because places are struggling to recruit anyone?

I worked in retail for 5 years when I was studying. I did notice some customers can be incredibly patronising when they think someone has a low skilled job. I was spoken to like an idiot when I was studying an MA - it was ridiculous.

I work in retail and hospitality and it makes me a nicer customer as i know what a difference it makes if someone treats you right

l work in retail, l find the customers really hard work, alot of what they complain about is very petty, complaining for complaining sake. l know how to shut a conversation down if need be, l just think they must be pretty miserable people to let the slightest thing, for example not having their cats favourite treat in stock, become a matter of life and death. We have the same old regular habitual complainers through the doors same time every week, and l find myself along with the rest of the staff trying to avoid them.
l just think to myself they might have better paid jobs, but who cares, what use is it if they have a sour face continuosly and have to take out their bad mood on staff ?