To wonder why so many people are so awful to serving/retail staff?

[KevinTheKoala]

Just that really, I am a waitress and have been a retail worker before this and while there have always been horrible customers it genuinley seems to be getting more frequent. Myself and my colleagues are on minimum wage just trying to do our jobs so we really deserve such vitriol? Just yesterday I was given abuse from a very large table of people because they wanted to buy their very young child an age restricted product, then lied to another waitress about how long I had left them waiting (we have a timer on the food we can clearly see how long a table has been waiting) when I had a full section and really was trying my best. I don't think a single day goes by anymore without receiving some sort of abuse or false complaint and its really starting to get me down, are we really so worthless that we deserve to be treated this way? I can't stick up for myself, luckily my managers now are fantastic and will stick up for me but not all managers are. I feel trapped, I dread going to work because people can be so awful (some are lovely but you never know who will be nasty) but I can't afford to not go to work and every job in my pay grade means I will be subjected to some sort of abuse. I m not very resilient I admit that, years of childhood abuse, domestic abuse from previous relationships, bullying etc. Have left me a shell who is petrified of confrontation/dissapointing anybody. Unfortunately NHS doesn't offer much help for that and I can't pay for private therapy because I am on minimum wage and still rely on tips to get by at the end of the month so there isn't alot I can do about my lack of resilience but even so, a that isn't a reason for people to be so vile.

Because they’re pathetic, insignificant little people and it makes them feel big and important.

I also agree that lots of people seem to be in a fragile state, staff and customers. I have noticed it a lot.

@MrsSkylerWhite

Because they’re pathetic, insignificant little people and it makes them feel big and important.

I think it is a bit more complex. I think this happens with three kind of people.

1. The kind who think they are superior to staff and belittle and treat them like shit.
2. The kind who are on a knife-edge and anything will put them over that edge.
3. The kind who are badly treated and react to that. For example I saw a shop staff member talking belittling to a man with obvious learning disabilities who reacted by getting very angry, shouted and stormed out the shop. I told the shop assistant she was wrong, but she denied it and said he was out of order. It is not always the customers fault.

People are just knobs.

If you think retail is bad, try working in a call centre when customers don't have any social constrictions of people watching as they scream abuse at you. It's a whole other level.

I was once told by one lovely woman as a teen (whilst taking incoming calls for a bank and she was pissed she'd waited for ten minutes to get through) that she hoped that when I had children someday they would all be horribly disabled.

Like I said, people are just knobs.

People forget that staff are purely putting the company policies into practice. I would love to give everyone a refund it would make my job much nicer, but I would be sacked. Trouble is, companies are making it increasingly difficult to complain in a way that gets any attention, so people complain at the staff they can actually communicate with. Doesn't excuse unpleasantness.

I disagree that it's something that has risen since covid. It's been happening for a long time way before that.
I agree that SM is partly to blame though, but only partly.
Manners are a lot to do with upbringing. I see so many being brought up with a sense of self importance and a lack of basic manners now that unfortunately the situation will become increasingly worse and more worryingly, acceptable.
How many have witnessed children behaving badly in public, particularly in cafés and restaurants with no parental input, but if you chide that child, however gently, the parent is abusive towards you.
Then the child learns that behaviour unfortunately and grows up to be an adult brat.

These people are bullies and speak to staff in a bullying manner because they know that they won't get it back.

I also agree that people like the opportunity to vent their frustrations on a "safe" target- they know you can't say "fuck off" back.

I think people who've never done these jobs also have no appreciation of how hard they are and have misconceptions about who works in retail and why. They then treat you as "lesser". Some people also say incredibly hurtful things - sometimes rather personal remarks- unintentionally because they just don't regard you as a person and they betray themselves.

There were certainly a few times working in retail when I was treated as if I were less than human and as if I didn't have ears or feelings- colleagues had similar.

I am aware that staff sometimes are rude back- and their managers should deal with this- but I'm aware of far more customer on staff abuse than vice versa.

I think it's a bit more complex than just "people are dicks/entitled".

As Op and a few others have mentioned, post Covid/brexit, there's definitely an issue with understaffing etc which means that often customers ARE waiting for a long time or more mistakes are made. Which is frustrating.

Similarly, I'm not sure that the training given to many in retail and hospitality is as good as it used to be - probably due to costs etc. I remember for example that when I used to waitress, part of the training was to learn the menu and be able to talk about what sides came with what dish etc. That almost never seems to happen these days. And behaviour that wasn't okay when I was waitressing is totally standard now - eg twice in the last week I've had to wait in a coffee shop or whatever because the staff were too busy chatting to each other to serve customers. I can remember my first job in a takeaway - my boss would have gone BALLISTIC if I didn't greet the customer within 2 seconds of them getting to the counter!

On the customer side, yes, I think people have definitely got used to being "served" and expect a level of almost obsequiousness which is ridiculous. Possibly as a result of years of us building a service culture in this country, combined with the efficiency of doing so much online?

A lot of people are finding things tough so, for example, when eating out, they want it to be good because its in place of the holidays they used to take or whatever. So their standards are ridiculously high and they then irrationally take out their frustration on the staff.

so it's not one thing or another. But a combination. Having said all that, yelling at staff and being rude is totally unacceptable and I do find it weird how complaining went from a quiet word to full blown tantrums.

@SamosaSammy

People are just knobs.

If you think retail is bad, try working in a call centre when customers don't have any social constrictions of people watching as they scream abuse at you. It's a whole other level.

I was once told by one lovely woman as a teen (whilst taking incoming calls for a bank and she was pissed she'd waited for ten minutes to get through) that she hoped that when I had children someday they would all be horribly disabled.

Like I said, people are just knobs.

I had a customer on the phone reduce me to tears by telling me (during the 1st lockdown) that she hoped one of my relatives died of covid. She was a nurse too!

People are complete pricks to service staff, they seem to think they are superior in some way.

I always go out of my way to be nice to service staff, especially if I have a complaint to make, they are more likely to want to help me then. I know if a customer was a dick to me, I'd help them, but they'd get the bare minimum, If never go out of my way. However a nice customer got the red carpet treatment.

Ive seen in both sides. Not waiters/waitresses, in my experience they always are very lovely and friendly yet I've seen outrageous behaviour from really rude customers.

However, supermarket staff can be really unpleasant. I hate it when I go to a counter, I'm waiting to be acknowledged, and the person go in doing stuff for minutes not even bothered to look up and say hello. So rude.

Then last week, was at the self help counter, was waiting patiently for the person to come and authorise, said a nice loud enough hello smiling and I didn't get anything in return.

I think it’s because kids are brought up badly, facing no consequence in childhood for poor behaviour. That coupled with increased communication through social media and lack of meaningful face to face communication. Some people just don’t know how to behave and we see it everywhere from shops and restaurants to healthcare. A rude and entitled bunch.

@Squeezyhug

I think it’s because kids are brought up badly, facing no consequence in childhood for poor behaviour. That coupled with increased communication through social media and lack of meaningful face to face communication. Some people just don’t know how to behave and we see it everywhere from shops and restaurants to healthcare. A rude and entitled bunch.

But lots of people are saying they see this most often in people over 50 - so is it the fault of parenting in the 1970s?

I feel for you, it was awful when I did it 10 years ago but feel like it's worse!

After covid/lockdown people seem to be far more pissed off too. On the roads, in restaurants (just anywhere in public really!)

So many people seem deeply unhappy and stressed and take this out on other people. I used to think 'well at least I only have to put up with you for an hour whereas you have to put up with you your entire life!'

I was once told by one lovely woman as a teen (whilst taking incoming calls for a bank and she was pissed she'd waited for ten minutes to get through) that she hoped that when I had children someday they would all be horribly disabled.

I think the only way I'd reconcile being subjected to that would be to tell myself that I was the victim of her nasty, evil mind for the space of one phone call, but she has (or worse, chooses) to live in that mind 24/7. Appalling, horrendous woman - but I think my considered response would also be one of actual pity.

I worked for one of the big supermarkets until last year. I'm in my 60's and never experienced any actual abuse, plenty of moaning though - about prices, carrier bags, stock levels etc etc etc. However, my much younger colleagues (usually female) did receive abuse and were often made to cry. Obviously, customers picked on those they saw as 'soft' targets.

I always try to be extra nice and appreciative to retail/hospitality workers but as a pp said, some people are wankers.

I've had people show up hours early (Sunday trade hours) and stand staring in or smacking the glass door when we wouldn't let them in until opening time.

I've had people turn up after we've locked the doors and demand to be let in.

I've had clothes thrown at me. I've had a regular customer who recognised me open a fitting room curtain and try to forcibly dump unwanted clothes on me despite the fact I was in my coat, outdoor boots, scarf, gloves, hat and carrying a handbag and a hot drink, obviously headed for the staffroom- it was just past her fitting room. She looked amazed when I told her I wasn't working right then and to ask the other girl stood 2ft further away and not carrying something hazardous to the stock to come over.

I've been shouted at and threatened for following store policies, including threats to "put me in their social media complaint" and someone bringing their dog back to shit on our doorstep.

I've had people say thoughtless, casually cruel things about mine and my staff's appearance and bodies, about our jobs and how retail isn't a real job and one woman who was bizarrely obsessed with how "little" she thought I was paid.

In contrast, the worst I've had in the civil service was a dirty phone call on the office line.

This again? No Britain isn’t broken, we aren’t any more selfish and entitled than we’ve ever been and yes there are bad customers just as there are bad service workers. Things aren’t getting worse, people have complained about this kind of thing for decades. It’s the reason I gave up working in hospitality 30 years ago.

@mbosnz

I was in JL the other day, and was appalled at the way a 50+ woman was speaking to a retail worker. I actually said to her, 'there's absolutely no reason to speak to her like that'. Predictably she looked at me like I was shit on her shoe, and carried on regardless, but the retail worker looked appreciative that someone actually noticed and cared, and said so, when she served me next.

I have to say, I agree with a pp, that the people I see most, indulging in this kind of bullying behaviour, are middle-aged women, and it upsets me, being one myself. My daughter who now works in hospo', and previously in retail, sadly agrees.

I don't care that we're in difficult times, and don't know what's going on in people's lives that they might think justifies their appalling lack of manners and basic courtesy, because it doesn't. We're all in difficult times and don't know what's going on in other people's lives - that includes retail workers, hospo' workers, health workers, delivery workers. . . all of us.

I agree with this. I've worked in events, hospitality and travel etc for a long time. The group of people who are the nastiest most vindictive and downright evil to staff are women 50+ and that's in every industry I've worked in. They are particularly nasty to young female staff.

I always go out of my way to be polite to people providing any service. The British public in the 1980s and 1990s were pretty great to work with - it's like the culture has completely changed for the worse. It is much worse now.

Oh it is so depressing. My teenage dd has a part time job in a post office. When the clocks changed, she had a man come in and bellow at her for opening an hour late. She pointed out that the clocks had changed and he just tutted and huffed. No apology. Then someone asked if she sells fireworks, when she told them no she got shouted an sworn at! Most people are fine but every single shift she gets some form of needless verbal abuse. Honestly could cry at the state of the world sometimes.

People can just fuck off with the whole women 50+ are the worst. I'm that age group and there's no way they are any worse than any of the other arseholes out there. I worked in hospitality when I was younger and I generally liked serving middle aged women. Middle aged pervy entitled men were way worse where I was because there were more of them. It's just sexist and ageist bullshit.

However, my much younger colleagues (usually female) did receive abuse and were often made to cry. Obviously, customers picked on those they saw as 'soft' targets.

When I worked in retail years and years ago it was normal for the awful customers to zero in on the clearly young and less experienced weekend only staff.

@DeclineandFall

People can just fuck off with the whole women 50+ are the worst. I'm that age group and there's no way they are any worse than any of the other arseholes out there. I worked in hospitality when I was younger and I generally liked serving middle aged women. Middle aged pervy entitled men were way worse where I was because there were more of them. It's just sexist and ageist bullshit.

You can't call it ageist when you're complaining about the same age group.

People can just fuck off with the whole women 50+ are the worst. I'm that age group and there's no way they are any worse than any of the other arseholes out there. I worked in hospitality when I was younger and I generally liked serving middle aged women. Middle aged pervy entitled men were way worse where I was because there were more of them. It's just sexist and ageist bullshit.

I'm sorry but in my experience, middle class people in this age group are the very worst.

It really is a marker of terrible people, terrible manners. I'm sorry it's taken such a toll. Wishing you a rash of lovely customers and generous tips this winter season. x