To wonder why so many people are so awful to serving/retail staff?

[KevinTheKoala]

Just that really, I am a waitress and have been a retail worker before this and while there have always been horrible customers it genuinley seems to be getting more frequent. Myself and my colleagues are on minimum wage just trying to do our jobs so we really deserve such vitriol? Just yesterday I was given abuse from a very large table of people because they wanted to buy their very young child an age restricted product, then lied to another waitress about how long I had left them waiting (we have a timer on the food we can clearly see how long a table has been waiting) when I had a full section and really was trying my best. I don't think a single day goes by anymore without receiving some sort of abuse or false complaint and its really starting to get me down, are we really so worthless that we deserve to be treated this way? I can't stick up for myself, luckily my managers now are fantastic and will stick up for me but not all managers are. I feel trapped, I dread going to work because people can be so awful (some are lovely but you never know who will be nasty) but I can't afford to not go to work and every job in my pay grade means I will be subjected to some sort of abuse. I m not very resilient I admit that, years of childhood abuse, domestic abuse from previous relationships, bullying etc. Have left me a shell who is petrified of confrontation/dissapointing anybody. Unfortunately NHS doesn't offer much help for that and I can't pay for private therapy because I am on minimum wage and still rely on tips to get by at the end of the month so there isn't alot I can do about my lack of resilience but even so, a that isn't a reason for people to be so vile.

I used in retail for years in the past and particularly my coworker at the customer service desk got a lot of abuse from certain people. She always said that she thought it was a ‘safe way’ for them to dump their frustrations about whatever was going on in their life - on someone that wouldn’t be able to really talk back, hence why the ‘safe’ way - they knew she wouldn’t punch them in the face for the way they treated her. She said the worst part for her that they walked away with a sense of relief and it left her feeling shit for the rest of the day .

Yeah people are mean.
And hypocrites too.

I do a job where abuse can be the norm. It's part of the role and expected. We get supervision to deal with this. Its hard going.

DC worked in a restaurant, they left because of the belittling and abuse.

It's bloody awful.

My hat goes off to anyone doing waitressing. I've done it before and it was so stressful, would only complain if it really was proper bad service. I work in retail, tills and shop floor and thankfully it's rare I get abuse. It's a small close knit community and it's only really in the Summer when the tourists come that you get any issues. Did get some grumpy customers at the start of lock down last year though. Thankfully we do have good management who are on standby, to sort out the ones who are never happy.

I was in Holland and Barrett on Monday. A woman in her sixties asked the staff for some sort of tablet to be told it's not sold anymore. She went ballistic, screaming at them because it was for her 87 year old mother. There was nothing the staff could do. I'm sure the woman was stressed, but the level of abuse was truly horrible.

I'm sorry that so many people are getting abuse whilst carrying out their work. As a previous poster noted, I experienced that in my professional life (child protection) but am always scrupulously polite and grateful to any person who is in any service role. If they are rude, off-hand or clumsy, I still smile and thank them. One never knows what's happening for them in the rest of their lives.

@worldgonecrazy never knew it had a name. Learn something new every day.
Thank you

When I was at uni I used to work in a shop selling high-end clothes and jewellery. A man came in with a woman and I knew instantly he was going to be difficult. He was showing off, bragging, talking down to me. In the end he demanded a discount for being such a ‘good customer’ and insinuated he propped up the business. I don’t think we’d ever seen him before. I politely said I wasn’t able to discount any of his items and he became extremely rude, calling me stupid among others names and demanding to see the store owner (lovely man, as rich as Croesus but with absolutely no pretence) who backed me. In the end I was so piqued I said something along the lines of “I’ve told you I can’t discount anything so if you can’t afford it at full price I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Anyway, he predictably bought the lot.

I got behaviour like that, a lot.

I also once stormed out of a meal with a group of ‘friends’ when one of them ordered a jug of tap water and he picked the ice out of it with his hands and threw it at the waitress because he had apparently told her he didn’t want ice.

@Timeforwinterclothes

I was in Holland and Barrett on Monday. A woman in her sixties asked the staff for some sort of tablet to be told it's not sold anymore. She went ballistic, screaming at them because it was for her 87 year old mother. There was nothing the staff could do. I'm sure the woman was stressed, but the level of abuse was truly horrible.

I've noticed this a lot in pharmacies. The doctors haven't sent through the prescription or the customer hasn't requested a repeat correctly online and they'll abuse the pharmacist rather than knock on the door of the doctors surgery, immediately next door.

They forget people are people or they don't care and want to have someone forced to listen to their abuse. If they are like that in public imagine how they are behind closed doors. Disgusting.

Too many people think they're better than the people who are serving them. I worked in retail for years, gave me quite a negative view of the general public.

I've worked in hotels for most of my working life. I'm going to go against the grain slightly and say, in my experience, most people are pleasant enough. However dealing with one dickhead will stick in your mind far longer than the 19 non-dickheads that went before them, and can leave you with an overall negative impression of the public. Can't say I've noticed it getting worse in recent years either, although obviously the last 20 months have been challenging in every conceivable way.

We were talking about this at work the other day. It really has gone up a level since opening up after lockdowns.
We had a guy in his 50’s throwing a blender complete with blade, from above his head on the floor in temper. All because we couldn’t give him a straight swop for a new one. Bits went everywhere and he just walked out. It could of really hurt someone.
People forget that staff are purely putting the company policies into practice. I would love to give everyone a refund it would make my job much nicer, but I would be sacked.

@hellywelly3 wow that is appalling behaviour! I'd be so scared!

People are so arrogant, entitled and lack common decent manners.
I was once in a Chinese restaurant and a wrong order came to the table next to me which had a party of six. When the waitress took it away to exchange it, one of the women slanted her eyes and said ' it's all gone wong ' which for some sad reason, made the rest of the Immature people at her table fall about laughing.
I hadn't been in the UK long at the time and I was a young wilting wallflower.
Nowadays I would have no problem with asking her about her problem.
Mistakes happen, people get things wrong....all people! That is no reason to be rude and obnoxious to someone who is trying to do their job.
Manners are free.

Slanted her eyes with her fingers, I should have typed.

I was in JL the other day, and was appalled at the way a 50+ woman was speaking to a retail worker. I actually said to her, 'there's absolutely no reason to speak to her like that'. Predictably she looked at me like I was shit on her shoe, and carried on regardless, but the retail worker looked appreciative that someone actually noticed and cared, and said so, when she served me next.

I have to say, I agree with a pp, that the people I see most, indulging in this kind of bullying behaviour, are middle-aged women, and it upsets me, being one myself. My daughter who now works in hospo', and previously in retail, sadly agrees.

I don't care that we're in difficult times, and don't know what's going on in people's lives that they might think justifies their appalling lack of manners and basic courtesy, because it doesn't. We're all in difficult times and don't know what's going on in other people's lives - that includes retail workers, hospo' workers, health workers, delivery workers. . . all of us.

They forget people are people or they don't care and want to have someone forced to listen to their abuse. If they are like that in public imagine how they are behind closed doors. Disgusting.

I have a theory (may be completely false) that, nowadays, people are so used to having an app or website where you press a button and it does it all for you instantly - obviously without needing to be thanked - many of them have actually lost the skills in dealing with actual people and the appreciation of human time, efforts and feelings, when helping or serving them - even in cases where the server has to go to a lot of effort or difficulty to do it.

Like with the pharmacy madness reported above (I constantly arrive at the pharmacy and discover that the surgery hasn't sent my prescription or got it wrong, but I'm not stupid or nasty enough to think that the pharmacy is in any way to blame), if people can't press on an app to have it done instantly, they seem to transfer their irritation wholesale to the human who needs to be involved in helping them to achieve what they want.

@cowburp yes and unfortunately that’s just this week. We’ve had people on the phone and threat to come and beat us up because a product they’ve bought isn’t working. I’ve had fully grown men crawling under the shutters when the shop has closed and refusing to leave until I’ve dealt with their refund etc.

Forget to add that some of the people who do actually threaten us on the phone do actually show up. One particular case was horrible, made me a bit scared to go to work for a couple of weeks

I was at work the other night, first or second shift back after my mum died so my head wasn't in the game and fucked up an order which resulted in them waiting slightly longer for their food. At first I was genuinely apologetic, discounted their bill but that wasn't good enough. Even after the third apology, they literally just wanted to berate me, an adult woman, for not being infallible. Stupid wankers.

It’s a good point @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll.

I’d add the fact a lot of conversations now go through texts, WhatsApp etc… so people are used to be able to take their time before answering which you obviously can’t do when having a f2f conversation.

There is also the fact that currently people have a very white and black thinking. Covid and Brexit before that haven’t helped in that matter.
People are burnt out, emotionally drained by the last two years which doesn’t help either. Everyone seems to be on a very thin trigger iyswim.

And I’d say it works both for customers AND for staff.

I’ve had dreadful experiences with staff before (last one being last weekend). And I’ve seen dreadful behaviour from customers too.

Having said that @KevinTheKoala, seeing your past, I’d try to have some counselling around it. It won’t change customers attitude (which stinks). But it might help you gain a bit of resilience so that you dont dread going to work everyday. That must be an awful way to live

It's the rise of capitalism. We have become a society of consumers, and our attitudes/psychology have shifted to reflect this. We want, we demand, we expect.

It's not a new thing, 20 years ago when I was working in shops we put up with it all the time.

Some people are just wankers, there is nothing more to it than that.

@girlmom21 It is not okay, but I think a bit more understandable in a pharmacy. People are in pain or need vital medication, so people get frightened if they think they wont get it in time.