To wonder why so many people are so awful to serving/retail staff?

[KevinTheKoala]

Just that really, I am a waitress and have been a retail worker before this and while there have always been horrible customers it genuinley seems to be getting more frequent. Myself and my colleagues are on minimum wage just trying to do our jobs so we really deserve such vitriol? Just yesterday I was given abuse from a very large table of people because they wanted to buy their very young child an age restricted product, then lied to another waitress about how long I had left them waiting (we have a timer on the food we can clearly see how long a table has been waiting) when I had a full section and really was trying my best. I don't think a single day goes by anymore without receiving some sort of abuse or false complaint and its really starting to get me down, are we really so worthless that we deserve to be treated this way? I can't stick up for myself, luckily my managers now are fantastic and will stick up for me but not all managers are. I feel trapped, I dread going to work because people can be so awful (some are lovely but you never know who will be nasty) but I can't afford to not go to work and every job in my pay grade means I will be subjected to some sort of abuse. I m not very resilient I admit that, years of childhood abuse, domestic abuse from previous relationships, bullying etc. Have left me a shell who is petrified of confrontation/dissapointing anybody. Unfortunately NHS doesn't offer much help for that and I can't pay for private therapy because I am on minimum wage and still rely on tips to get by at the end of the month so there isn't alot I can do about my lack of resilience but even so, a that isn't a reason for people to be so vile.

I work in a pharmacy and we get abuse all the time. It’s always our fault never the surgery or the doctor. Even when they find out it wasn’t us you never get an apology. We wear a uniform- I was in Tesco last night after work and was shouted at by a customer because she couldn’t find a certain sandwich! I had told her three times I didn’t work there! She shouted well you are wearing a uniform! Ridiculous!

I have a theory (may be completely false) that, nowadays, people are so used to having an app or website where you press a button and it does it all for you instantly - obviously without needing to be thanked - many of them have actually lost the skills in dealing with actual people and the appreciation of human time, efforts and feelings, when helping or serving them - even in cases where the server has to go to a lot of effort or difficulty to do it

Nope. I worked in retail over 20 years ago and people were dickheads back then too. I worked in customer service (refunds and exchanges) and it's a combination of entitlement, service staff being 'lesser' ('I pay your wages!') and folk who told like being told 'No'.

What also doesn't help is companies wanting to run on a shoestring amount of staff. There's only so many people one person can serve, but no customer wants to wait longer than 30 seconds for anything so the person directly facing them gets it in the neck.

I am sorry you had such a bad experience. I hated doing jobs in customer service so avoided them. People are so angry these but also the service is poor and prices are so high. At least in London. I think people in waiting jobs should be better trained but I appreciate it is tough for recruiting at the moment.

I made sure I acknowledged to customers that I should be giving them my full attention, but couldn't etc
This is key. I don't mind at all if a shop assistant looks up to me, smiles and tells me she'll be with me in a minute.

What does get to me is when you are being totalky ignored for 5 minutes inwards and acting as if they haven't even noticed you even though your standing there. To me that ultimately ride behaviour yet seems more and more common.

This is so depressing isn't it. I wouldn't dream of being rude to anyone in the service industry. I bring my dds up to be polite and gracious and treat people like human beings. Also how to confidently ask for what they want - none of this can I get bollocks that would drive me mad if I was a waitress!

Because people want a bad experience so they can complain to customer services and get money back/vouchers.

I work in retail myself as a manager and people know exactly what they are doing and try to goad you into giving them something to complain about.

Whoever said the customer is always right clearly never worked with the general public.

('I pay your wages!')

Yeah, that's one I'd forgotten. As a volunteer I don't mind this because it gives me an opportunity to put them right.

People have always been arseholes! I worked in bars and security for years then moved to an office job in customer services. Doesn't matter if you're serving drinks, food or a product, as soon people part with their money, they see it as their right to talk to you like a dick.

I don’t work in retail or hospitality, but in a professional role which is public facing. Many people really are so rude and inconsiderate and unfortunately it tends to be mainly women 50-70 years followed by males of the same age group

@CoolOven

('I pay your wages!')

Yeah, that's one I'd forgotten. As a volunteer I don't mind this because it gives me an opportunity to put them right.

IME the ones saying that were usually spending the least money - and asking for a discount too.

Being rude and abusive is totally different to complaining reasonably for a good reason.

Some places won’t let staff have any discretion to actually help customers, which doesn’t help the staff as they end up dealing with frustrated people. However, never an excuse to be a dick.

The general public are generally lovely/fine but there's a section that are complete fuckwits and they do tend to stick in your and upset your day.
My retail experiences are on line these days but you can get some really vitriolic messages.
I was called profiteering scum, who should be ashamed of myself, the other day. They hadn't even bought anything but were kicking off because there was a surcharge for delivery to remote areas. Not my surcharge the couriers.
Also received a lengthy rant about a case not fitting a tablet and we'd deliberately ripped them off. Nope they didn't check which tablet they had. There were even pictures in the listing to compare to.

When I worked in retail, I encountered very little of what I'd term abuse (I'm usually quite good at diffusing anger as I empathise with the customers, it can be so frustrating for them when something is out of stock or we've overcharged accidentally etc) But i've definitely experienced countless people being dickheads, with no manners or politeness.

One woman sticks in my mind - she came into the store, I put her items through the till, she paid, and then she started shouting at me, demanding to know why the store had rejected her daughter's job application.

I tried to calm her down but she was furious. Other customers were staring, open mouthed. I nodded and apologised that she was feeling this way - but unfortunately I'm just an assistant and not in charge of recruitment and can't offer feedback sadly.

Well if she wasn't angry enough beforehand, she went up a few levels! More shouting about discrimination and unfairness - spitting with rage. It was quite unnerving. In the end I suggested she speak with a manager or perhaps write a letter to the headquarters to offer her thoughts - she looked like she was going to hit me, then decided better of it, and left.

I don't know if she was having a really rough day or if she was unhinged but I was bloody glad her daughter didn't get a job with us!

Oh and when I worked at Aldi, SO many people would bring items for a refund - items they'd actually purchased in Lidl. With Lidl receipt.

We would gently point out the mistake and not one of them would laugh/apologise/be human about it - oh no - they'd huff and puff about their wasted time! Embarrassed I suppose, but still, if I did that I'd laugh at myself!

I had a friend like this once, she was just so rude at school meetings, in shops, restaurants. I felt embarrassed to go anywhere with her in the end. Needless to say she wasn’t a friend for very long.

I remember this well in my waitressing days, I honestly would feel sick at the thought of having to face so many unknown temperaments in one day again. It's true every day is a minefield and I feel sorry for you, it's not on to be viewed as a non entity, a nobody.

I also work in healthcare at low level and the amount of times people speak to myself and other low level staff like shit, abuse, death threats, kicking off violently and aggressively, shouting, swearing or generally being very rude, curt or hostile is incredible. Not one of our staff has an attitude, we don't have to ask personal questions, we do not provoke, our processes do not provoke attack and may only say hello 'xyz speaking' or hello with a smile and the barrage ensues! Our 'professional' colleagues, when we relay this to them will very often look perplexed and say, 'No, are you sure? what was the problem?! But Mr Smith is always so lovely! they were perfectly polite and nice to me when they came through/I spoke to them (moments later)' and completely invalidate our abuse we've just endured like WE are the unreasonable ones and have made it up.

They have no clue that of course yes they are nice to YOU, you have status, and are not viewed as some useless pleb like us. Not every higher colleague takes this attitude of course, but it is common. And we have many wonderful kind, respectful clients but there is definitely a view of certain jobs being beneath some people's ability to give respect and boundaries.

It makes thick people feel big and powerful to put people down. Nothing new, they are mentally defective.

I remember when I worked behind a bar, one of my colleagues had a foul tempered guy get intro a strop because he couldn't have his beer in a bran specific glass. He asked my colleague whrre he wad from and when he said Australia, thr guy was like 'that'll be why then'. Because Australians are renowned thieves of branded beer glasses of course 😅 the public are largely retarded.

I’m sorry this is happening. Of course you don’t deserve this. I think people who treat those who work in service industries with disdain are terrible people.

There is no excuse for this. I think somehow the pandemic has made people more rude.

@CoolOven

('I pay your wages!')

Yeah, that's one I'd forgotten. As a volunteer I don't mind this because it gives me an opportunity to put them right.

Sadly, that one's not limited to waiting or retail staff either. I have a friend who's a paramedic who's had that one thrown at him. I feel for anyone who has to work face to face with the general public.

I'd like to say the nice people outweigh the arseholes but my time in retail has made me think that actually, they don't

Another thought we have so little real life interaction now that the few we do have it with bear brunt of it. I was at a fruit & veg market stall last week and an elderly lady was going on at young assistant about not being able to get through to the gp, about dentist messing her appointment up etc - she obviously had no one else to tell. Whereas in past it would have been spread out as she could have gone to moan at dentists receptionist, doctors receptionist etc.

@phoenixrosehere

Because they are an easy target, however they do shoot themselves in the foot. My DD works for a very well known chain of stores and she and her colleagues go straight into dribbling imbecility mode if someone is nasty to them. They can spin a refund out to 20 minutes (dependent on the queues) that can literally be done in 2.

Could it be because they haven’t been trained how to deal with difficult, nasty customers? Many people when blindsided by nastiness and aren’t used to it can get stunned and struggle afterwards. Sad that you say that about your own child.

It depends on area and what is allowed by the company and community in my experience. I work in a neighbourhood in Oxford and have been for 2+ years and I can count on one hand how many times I have had rude customers and the ones that were rude were usually tourists that weren’t used to paying for a £.10 bag. It’s heavily frowned on to be rude to staff and the manager will support you (unless you have been rude) and come out if you need them. There’s a hotline to call if you have dealt with difficult customers and stressed about the job. I’ve also had the displeasure with dealing with rude staff and I’ve noticed it is usually places that will make money regardless so aren’t fussed by how their staff is treated or how the staff treats customers unless they have a reputation to uphold.

I'd say it's more that a lot of people haven't been brought up to have decent manners and think it's ok to be rude to someone who can't defend themselves.

I don't have an answer, OP, but I'm so sorry you feel so miserable about work because of the way some people treat you.
I'm not sure it's got worse; I did a lot of hospitality/bar/takeaway/call centre/generally working with the public stuff in my younger days and certainly remember rudeness and insults etc then.
But that's not an excuse for it to be happening now.
Having done all those jobs, I know just what hard work they all are, how badly paid, what conditions can be like, and how often people working in those sorts of jobs are not empowered to make decisions or stand up for themselves. I make jolly sure I am nice to everyone who serves me or helps me in any way in the course of their work.

I don't think people realise how skilled work like this is. It takes a lot of skill to be really good at being a waiter/bartender/retail assistant etc.

@Mybalconyiscracking

Because they are an easy target, however they do shoot themselves in the foot. My DD works for a very well known chain of stores and she and her colleagues go straight into dribbling imbecility mode if someone is nasty to them. They can spin a refund out to 20 minutes (dependent on the queues) that can literally be done in 2.

This reminds me of my DD’s experiences in a big restaurant. She would come home and tell me about some rude arsehole who thought she’d be an easy target and how she dealt with it. She was right back at them with their rudeness but somehow never lost her job. It made me laugh just hearing about it.

@Moonface88

I've worked in hotels for most of my working life. I'm going to go against the grain slightly and say, in my experience, most people are pleasant enough. However dealing with one dickhead will stick in your mind far longer than the 19 non-dickheads that went before them, and can leave you with an overall negative impression of the public. Can't say I've noticed it getting worse in recent years either, although obviously the last 20 months have been challenging in every conceivable way.

Yep, saw several hundred nice customers yesterday. One arsehole. Guess who I remember.