Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

[Housepartyatjustinshouse]

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I recently closed my childminding business, I sold lots of stuff, gave a way loads to the the families on my books and to the local charity shop that helps people escape domestic violence. I will never again offer things for free on Facebook or gumtree as I was bombarded with emails , all demanding delivery, wanting to know if it was like new , lots of people never even bothered to turn up to collect it or if they did would arrive and ask for the packaging, say oh it’s got marks on it I was hoping for new quality !? Got the impression, they were hoping to get it for free to then sell on.

@Haffiana

I LOVE a rich-bashing thread! It's the only bit of bigotry we can get away with now!

Greedy rich people (which is actually who are being criticised, but nice straw man) deserve to be criticised. Sounds like someone is part of the problem. /more than comfortable here, before the 'just jealous' brigade sharpen their knives.

If it bothers you why not post a message saying specifically you’re looking for eg clothes age 3/4 or Christmas toys then maybe people will reply directly to you, or others will take the hint. You could say money is tight if you feel comfortable doing so then hopefully some of the wealthy ladies might take the hint…

It’s tricky. I know someone who always gets the really good cheap stuff on Vinted as she’s at home all day & just monitors it all day whereas someone who has to work couldn’t do that!

Our local group had this too, always the same people getting there first so now everything is offered as a free lucky dip.

@Lougle

This is why a lot of Sure Start centres were shut. Their 'reach' was to the yummy mummies who wanted their children to have every experience, etc., when they were trying to get to the hard to reach families.

They closed d because the tories shut them down.. not because they were full of well off people 🤣🤣

@cakewench I also used the services when my dc were born although that might well have put my service users off if I had told them that !
Universal services are a positive thing for society.

Maybe put up a post to say you’re looking for x/y/z and then find things that way. Better than waiting.

The stay and play was amazing, but definitely filled with middle class mums

The key to creating and maintaining a happy and functional society is to have excellent public services free at point of use: libraries, early years education/support, health care etc open to EVERYBODY, richer or poorer. If rich people are also partaking then those rich people will simply put their money elsewhere into the economy. It's a ridiculous argument for shutting them down. Unless, of course, your argument is ideological - which of course with the Tories and government funded public services if usually is.

@Rugsofhonour

Same where I live. The rich SAHMs are always first to read the messages because they’re not at work.

Interestingly the wealthier people also seem to post stuff for sale rather than for free.

That's why they are wealthier

Do as a PP suggested and make your own post about how you’d love some things! Although some may say YABU to let this get to you, I understand and feel frustrated on your behalf. Interestingly, the women I know who have the biggest advantages in life tend to be very grabby with handouts.

I sell everything... it stops the free loaders selling it on 😬

Ok so YABU for a number of reasons.

Just because they’re apparently wealthy doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be able to buy second hand. I remember a real stigma about second hand things which doesn’t exist now in the same way. If you start saying richer people shouldn’t buy second hand it just widens the social gap.

They could be choosing to save a few pounds or think of the environment but it’s literally none of your business. Just as your circumstances are none of their business.

I often sell bits and to be honest I could not be arsed with sob story olympics on a popular item. First in line gets it, that’s it. Who am I to say that vulnerable people should bare their problems on social media for a cheap load of toot toot cars? It’s demeaning.

Giving things away for free attracts all sorts of unsavoury characters who are definitely not intending to actually use what they’ve taken. Usually it’s straight back onto a selling site.

The pp who mentioned sure start. For a start you are wrong. But here our remaining ‘family centre’ is a wonderful, well resourced building that is sat empty most of the time. Obviously this is due to funding cuts and it’s criminal. Those ‘middle class’ mothers (who apparently don’t ever suffer domestic abuse or post natal mental health problems) don’t go because services are targeted at those ‘in need’ and there isn’t really anything to attract them as services are so targeted. Those ‘in need’ don’t attend either. And so a great resource for the whole community sits unused.

Universal services are a positive thing for society
Not for Tories they aren't. They hate the idea of people getting things "for free" - even if the existence of these things makes our communities and society more civilized and safer which is to the benefit of everyone. And in the long run often basically pays for itself economically, with massive savings on education, policing, benefits, and crime etc down the road. A lot of Tory policy isn't pragmatic in the slightest. It's ideological.

A lifetime ago you would have seen me as the rich, SAHM taking free things from poorer children. I was in an abusive relationship and had no access to money for new uniform, toys etc without begging so I often spent hours looking for free things for my child to avoid further abuse.

Just be careful with the judgement, you really don't see every part of a persons life.

@Yusanaim

I think it's a SAHM thing - they might be wealthy due to DH's earnings but they need to be seen to be stingey with that wealth and not taking it for granted as if a few quid for toys would make the slightest difference to their lifestyle

I don't think your comment is fair at all

It's fair in that they are offered on a forum open to all the group. Is it right that the same mums take the free offerings without thinking of others, perhaps not.
Could you put up a wanted post of items you'd like so that people might contact you in the knowledge of what age/type of things you need.
In our area there was a "swap shop" set up and you brought a bag of clothes the kids had grown out of and swapped for bigger things of the next age range.
Maybe you could set up something like this?

I often sell things very cheap or free on Facebook. I don't care who gets it as I'm passing it on to avoid good stuff going into landfill. I have tried donating stuff through a specific group aimed at people who might struggle to buy stuff but it really annoyed me to go out of my way to drop free stuff to people who fed me sob stories about infected c sections and then listed it for sale for a decent price on another group within the week.

This is why they're rich....🙄😉

Maybe put out a notice asking if people could list stuff in the evening or at weekend so as to give a chance to those at work?

I use Gumtree when I'm looking for something locally but I also list things free to collector on there too.

I listed some unused leftover laminate flooring and ceramic floor tiles for under £10. Could I keep them until Thursday (get my benefits), sure, no problem. Then I thought do I actually need the few £s, why don't I just let them have the flooring? So I messaged, please just have them, glad to help. Collected, DH deals with them as I'm at work. I then get a flurry of messages that there isn't enough flooring for them to use and they're going to have to dump the flooring I gave them?! Sometimes whatever you do isn't enough...😞

I am no way rich but we’re comfortable. I always avoided getting uniform from the school swap because I thought others with less income should be prioritised.
The school swap shit cause nobody used it 🙄

Turns out struggling people were too embarrassed to wear second hand as they felt judged. Whereas comfortable people who wanted second hand and wouldn’t feel judged felt they “shouldn’t” take it.
I now always comment I’d love to have stuff. I can’t bear to see it go to landfill.

I fall under the wealthy mum categories and I often take free things if it’s something I’ve been meaning to get especially as i would prefer to buy or take something locally rather than use Amazon. Less so these days but certainly when the DC were very small. By the same token I give a lot away on the local free cycle pages, basically everything the DC no longer need in terms of clothes and toys and as I have a car and am happy to deliver, it’s opened my eyes to some of the sad situations the people that I’ve donated to are in.
Interesting comment about the Sure Start centres; I did a baby massage course in a community centre in the middle of a high rise tower block estate not too far from me. It’s quite notorious locally for gang activity and crime. None of their target audience ie local mums from the flats went to the class. The woman running the centre told me that they tried their hardest to reach the mums including running Somali playgroups but they didn’t get much traction. It’s all shut down now and I have no idea if it was due to lack of funding or lack of interest from the local community. Thought it was sad.

It shut. Not shit

@THisbackwithavengeance

I haven't experienced this type of group tbh but agree that a lot of rich people sell things on Facebook etc.

I always remember picking up an item that would've cost £15 new from Facebook marketplace; she was selling for a fiver. She lived in a mansion with a Bentley in the forecourt. I have to admit handing over my fiver with my eyebrows somewhere in my hairline.

I really don't think that rich people should be compelled to give away their stuff free - just because they are rich.

This thread is quite outlandish

What's your preferred system? Lowest payslip first? Smallest square footage calls shotgun? FB vote for saddest X-Factor sob story?

It's free tat someone is clearing out of their house, nice if you get it, but there's no need to design a democracy around it.