Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

[Housepartyatjustinshouse]

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Lougle

I disagree with the Sure Start argument.

All parents should have access to parenting support. You can struggle even if wealthy.

Haven't read all of the thread so forgive if this has already been suggested. But why arnt there swaps? Ie why arnt these rich mums contributing too? I would probably count as a 'rich mum' but am always trying to pass stuff on - not necessarily for monetary reasons but because I hate waste and landfill. If they are taking they should be giving too.

It’s really not fair but to be honest rich people tend to stay that way by being pretty tight with money.
Maybe the admin could give everyone a chance or rather than first come first served everyone who wants it gets a number and random.org can decide?

You are seriously complaining about other people being grabby in the same post as saying it’s unfair you don’t get free toys! You aren’t entitled to these toys anymore than anyone else. You need to become a faster grabber.

Why don't you pop on the group could you be considered for any of x type of you as you don't always spot the messages and money is tight on the lead up to Christmas. If I had some of that stuff sat in the playroom I'd probably contact you to ask if you wanted it as I'm generally too lazy to post it on Facebook and just drop at our food Bank that has a shop

@Thatsthewaytis

I suspect most of the people saying you're unreasonable are also the type of people who say rich people work hard for their money

Err sorry you think rich people don’t work hard for their money? How so? Do you shadow them in their jobs or?

Plenty of rich people do NOT work hard for their money, this is obvious.

Plenty of people are wealthy because they had access to capital, so they could buy dozens of properties or start their own business or what have you.

So yes, some people are wealthy because they worked hard, but I object to this blanket assumption that anyone who is rich has worked hard. People say this all the time on these threads but it's not true.

We are comfortable. I have bought dh's grandchildren secondhand things for Xmas....a wooden dolls house and train track, dh will put cash in their account. The other grandma thinks I am awful. She has spent a fortune and has taken out a payday loan to pay for it. Who's the mug????

Suggest a "right to buy" system.
If more than one person is interested, the seller sets a time limit (say 24 hours) and everyone who is interested comments and is given a number. Then a number is drawn at random and that person get the right to buy/collect the item.

@THisbackwithavengeance

I haven't experienced this type of group tbh but agree that a lot of rich people sell things on Facebook etc.

I always remember picking up an item that would've cost £15 new from Facebook marketplace; she was selling for a fiver. She lived in a mansion with a Bentley in the forecourt. I have to admit handing over my fiver with my eyebrows somewhere in my hairline.

Did you think you should get it for free?!

Maybe their husbands don’t give them enough money and keep their wife on a budget?

Our local buy nothing group mostly operates on a draw system so it gives people a chance to see the posts. Much fairer.

People are often looked down upon on Mumsnet for not getting second hand stuff. Perhaps these women are Mumsnetters. Perhaps they are environmentalists. Who knows.

Also, I know a "rich SAHM". Multi millions. Husband demands receipts, even for a £1 spend. Financial abuse. Loads of us (all less rich obv!) buy her coffees and give her stuff etc so that her H doesn't know about the spend!

Also you never know what's going on. Might have a gigantic mortgage, cars might be on credit, might have other debts, might have massive outgoings.

If stuff is offered, they can take it. Unless they are selling it on, in which case, that's shitty.

Yeah, it seems selfish. You don't know the situation though. Appearing rich might not mean being rich: debts, financial control etc. Or it might just be asking for the items because of environmental reasons like you say.

Stick to the charity shops if you can't get there first on Facebook.

@Lougle

This is why a lot of Sure Start centres were shut. Their 'reach' was to the yummy mummies who wanted their children to have every experience, etc., when they were trying to get to the hard to reach families.

The purpose of Sure Start was to enable mixing of social classes

They closed due to the conservative/lib dem coalition government ending funding

Some of the few that continue are because they are supported by middle class mums who pay and enable the service still to be available.

It’s just one of those things isn’t it. First come, first served - but some people are more likely to be first than others.

I’ve found that life is so much cheaper when you don’t work. When I was on maternity leave our household expenditure plummeted. No commuting costs, no buying lunch at the office, I could plan, shop for and cook budget-friendly meals (by going to markets that only run on certain days), and I could scour charity shops and Facebook marketplace for clothes/toys. It opened my eyes to the fact that actually working comes at a cost (and that was before childcare costs kicked in).

Have you listened to the news lately?

Yes, in fact I'm right now writing a lecture on environmental security. That's how I know that we're not going to stay below 2 degrees warming because Sally snapped up some second-hand clothes that Mary would have really benefited from.

I am massively terrified about what our future holds but we cannot lose sight of our fellow human beings in the process.

@usernamenumber636274

Well I don't work currently - not because I don't need to, the extra money would be nice. We just about getting by on on dp's 35 grand a year earnings... never got much spare though. I do tend to buy what we do have new though. cba with selling sites.

Anyway, I know what you mean I guess. I know some rich people who buy hardly anything for their kids new. Maybe this is why some people are rich because they are super frugal!

There's a woman over the road from me and she sells things on fb for like 20p each. Every little helps I guess but what she's selling is complete crap and not even worth 20p. She's loaded too 😅

that's defo to weed out the time wasters lmao

People assuming all sahm’s or generally wealthy people have mostly not had to work hard for their money, are also the same people who would slate anyone suggesting that people who don’t work are generally lazy. Both statements are untrue, and both equally blanket generalisations.

@Lougle

This is why a lot of Sure Start centres were shut. Their 'reach' was to the yummy mummies who wanted their children to have every experience, etc., when they were trying to get to the hard to reach families.

Agree.

The stay and play was amazing, but definitely filled with middle class mums.

That's why they are rich! Haha.

I can see why you’re annoyed OP. I can just imagine some people jumping in first again and again when it would be nice if they’d give others a chance.

What a horrible undertone to this thread.

Since so man my of you are this up in arms over the ‘rich SAHM’s’, why don’t you start a petition so that that charity shops/ eBay/ Facebook marketplace etc are means tested.

Higher income taxpayers should be banned.

You can't begrudge them. It's not their fault your household income is less than theirs or that you don't get there first. I know a lot of people who are well off but very frugal. I find it quite humbling to be honest.

Agree with Turtles, ime 'rich' people are tight as ducks arses.

I’m not sure I agree!
Everybody is entitled to buy stuff second hand! There are also lots of places to buy second hand stuff from: facebook market place, ebay, charity shop, nearly new sale, school pta markets, other online shops… if you want to buy second hand stuff you have lots of options.
If you only want to buy second hand stuff from facebook from people who only live 2 miles from your house and post at convenient times for you… then you are making quite a lot harder.