Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

[Housepartyatjustinshouse]

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I guess the intention is that it would go to a child that would otherwise not have the chance to own one like that.

Ahhh, the deserving poor yes, let us all be the judges of who deserves to get the stuff we are throwing away.

@Glassofshloer

Haha all the cheap skates getting defensive over how much they LOVE tap water with a curry!

@JennyDune penny pinching to buy a million quid house by ordering tap water in a restaurant is tight-fisted and miserly and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. It doesn’t make you ‘frugal’ it makes you mean with money.

I would argue that if the only way you can become asset rich is by sacrificing every pleasure then it’s probably better to live within your means and enjoy life. We only get one life. I don’t want to spend it pinching pennies just to live in a 1m house lol

Means test the group? By asking for proof of child benefit, income support,universal credit, FSM status etc.

Haha all the cheap skates getting defensive over how much they LOVE tap water with a curry!

Oh jeez, so now we have to change what we drink when we are out lest be judged by stingy? I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t like drinking fizzy drinks with a meal. I have a glass of water with a meal when I’m out.

whitehorsesdonotlie

Whenever I put things in Freecycle, I know the people who reply to every post. I wait for hours until I have a good selection of replies, then I choose who I want to have the items. I judge by their politeness, and what they say...”

Why I don’t use freecycle any more. The way people are expected to prove their case made me feel a bit ill, frankly.

Haha all the cheap skates getting defensive over how much they LOVE tap water with a curry!

Don't be ridiculous.

Exactly, @Ozanj

I would take 15 years of fun, comforts and nice wine over rattling around a million quid house any day. It’s bricks and mortar, it won’t replace years of nice meals, little treats, spoiling your loved ones a little etc.

Given I’ve just been accused of having a drinking problem for ordering wine in restaurants no doubt I’ll be accused of promoting living in debt now 😝

@BoredZelda

Haha all the cheap skates getting defensive over how much they LOVE tap water with a curry!

Oh jeez, so now we have to change what we drink when we are out lest be judged by stingy? I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t like drinking fizzy drinks with a meal. I have a glass of water with a meal when I’m out.

So do I but while I order mineral water for the table. I don’t go out to eat very often as I prefer to cook but when I do I wouldn’t consider asking for tap water unless they didn’t sell bottled. It just seems very studenty.

@Glassofshloer

But still in my very early 40s, I can now relax and enjoy this house for the rest of my life.

@BoredZelda

Haha all the cheap skates getting defensive over how much they LOVE tap water with a curry!

Oh jeez, so now we have to change what we drink when we are out lest be judged by stingy? I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t like drinking fizzy drinks with a meal. I have a glass of water with a meal when I’m out.

You don’t have to but I will judge, yes.

[quote JennyDune]@Glassofshloer

But still in my very early 40s, I can now relax and enjoy this house for the rest of my life.[/quote]
And you could’ve done that even sooner if you’d bought a house for 600k or 700k, plus you could’ve had the odd beer with your curry 🤷🏼‍♀️

As for the rest of your life, if it’s a million I’m guessing it’s pretty big so you’ll have to downsize at some point anyway. Or whispers pay for some domestic help! But that’s another thread…

I'm a SAHM. Not rich by any means but comfortable (can afford to buy toys, uniforms, shoes etc with no worries).

I don't use the second hand school uniform shop because it doesn't feel right when I can afford to buy ours new. Once we've finished with ours, if it's still in half decent condition then I donate it to them. I've two girls so our uniform goes through two children and they're young so tend to still wreck stuff a bit - white polo shirts will not survive two going through reception for example no matter how much Vanish I use!

I also wouldn't take items for free on FB etc.
Happy to pay for second hand bits absolutely and I love a bargain (there is no point in being wasteful!) but again, taking free items when I can afford to pay for them feels a bit shitty.

Not all SAHMs are comfortably off though. I know of many who are SAHMs because they can't afford childcare fees, they'd be down money if they worked when they children are before school age. I know well one SAHM who drives a nice car. She has a nice coat and boots etc. She doesn't look 'poor'. She had those because a year ago they were reasonably well off, and has the car because it's her DHs company car. He is currently signed off long term sick, now on very low pay. She, recently, has had to use a foodbank - despite him having a decent job normally they are absolutely skint. So it's worth bearing in mind that before you judge people too harshly.

YANBU

* No it's not fair and it's frustrating. They are clearly the selfish type who don't consider there is a world outside their perfect 'paid for' bubble.*

^This

@Glassofshloer

Haha all the cheap skates getting defensive over how much they LOVE tap water with a curry!

@JennyDune penny pinching to buy a million quid house by ordering tap water in a restaurant is tight-fisted and miserly and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. It doesn’t make you ‘frugal’ it makes you mean with money.

Some people get more pleasure from a nice home than from consuming food and drink. What on earth is the problem with that?

I like knowing that I have a paid-for house & car, no debt and ample savings a lot more than I enjoy takeaways and fizzy drinks. To each her own.

@KosherDill

I have zero issue with it, but stay at home and have a takeaway. Don’t go to a restaurant and scrimp on a third of the bill by sipping tap water all night. Let someone else have the table who will actually pay for drinks and not penny pinch from them 🤷🏼‍♀️

@sunflowerstory

What's your preferred system? Lowest payslip first? Smallest square footage calls shotgun? FB vote for saddest X-Factor sob story?

It's free tat someone is clearing out of their house, nice if you get it, but there's no need to design a democracy around it.

OP, genuinely, if these people are actually your friends which I'm not entirely sure about, because you seem primarily conscious of their income rather than what they're like as people would you really want them to start behaving like one of those Victorian soup kitchens that only fed the 'deserving poor', and started considering the other mothers in the group primarily in terms of their relative poverty/prosperity?

And you can judge nothing about someone from your perception of their public charity donations. I never give to those gimmicky 'throw a bucket of ice over your head' social media things, for instance.

[quote Housepartyatjustinshouse]@Honeyroar That’s so true of one of the mums, I really don’t get it. If a collection for charity is arranged, she will never give to it, ever. She’s very wealthy, to be fair to her, she will offer some for free in the group, but never wants to give to charity…I wonder what that’s about 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
I give a robust portion of my income to charity each year, in a very planned way. I don't give willy nilly to organizations I haven't vetted. Maybe she has a similar POV.

I find the concept of ‘enjoying’ savings weird, I mean they don’t hug you or love you do they?

Btw I have never owned a credit card, have no debt & haven’t used my tiny overdraft for about 8 years. I’m a big fan of living within your means but that’s not the same as being tight fisted.

[quote Glassofshloer]@KosherDill

I have zero issue with it, but stay at home and have a takeaway. Don’t go to a restaurant and scrimp on a third of the bill by sipping tap water all night. Let someone else have the table who will actually pay for drinks and not penny pinch from them 🤷🏼‍♀️[/quote]

Water is healthy and tasty. Some of us have no desire to support the environmentally destructive bottled water industry.

It's bizarre that anyone believes there is some obligation to consume specific items at a restaurant.

Water is tasty, water is healthy, I’m saving the environment by drinking it…

Getting a bit toe curling now…

I find the concept of ‘enjoying’ savings weird, I mean they don’t hug you or love you do they
No, but they do give security, peace of mind, options in life. I think alot of people would enjoy having those things.

But what’s the point in having options if you don’t take them because you enjoy having savings too much?

I like having the option to quit my job if it got too much. I'm prepared to forgo the option to drink bottled water (although I am in Scotland and the tap water is actually nicer than bottled here so I get why others might decide differently)
It depends how the individual looks at their life I suppose, like most things.

@Glassofshloer there’s this thing called preferences. You enjoy guzzling down multiple glasses of wine and sugar filled soft drinks with your dinner. Someone else enjoys water with their dinner or getting water , enjoying their meal and spending their money on other things. You are not doing the ‘correct’ thing much as you seem to have convinced yourself you are as there is no correct thing.

I don’t get why this is so hard for you to understand. Calling someone stingy for not having the same preferences as you is just quite odd.

You also seem to have a problem understanding basic maths. You decided as drinks are roughly 1/3 of your own bill that everyone else is robbing restaurants of a 3rd of the bill if they have water. Even though someone else’s food bill may exceed your total bill. Never heard such rubbish on a thread before 😂😂

You enjoy guzzling down multiple glasses of wine and sugar filled soft drinks with your dinner.

Haha! Someone call AA, I mean who pays for drinks in restaurants, clearly I have a problem..!

This thread just keeps on giving lol