Page 16 | Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

Housepartyatjustinshouse · 2021-11-09T17:28:39+00:00

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums. We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of. Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first. They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry. It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could? I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas. Is this fair? 🤷🏻♀️

MLMshouldbeillegal · 10/11/2021 08:11

@NoNotMeNoSiree

This thread is ridiculous. What on earth is wrong with someone in a Bentley buying off FB?! Maybe put a disclaimer on next time '' for sale, but only for people I think look poor enough. ''

Isn't it just.

Everyone should be trying to buy more second hand. All this "leave it for the poor people" is just more than a little patronising and as you say, how are you assessing their "need"?

Samhradh1 · 10/11/2021 08:15

I’d just love to see the responses if someone posted

“We are supposed to be doing our bit for the environment but second hand and charity shops are for poor people not wealthy people like me so I just buy everything brand new for my children - AIBU”

SecondUsername · 10/11/2021 08:21

@Housepartyatjustinshouse

I generally can’t get in there first as I work, they’re at home and comment on the posts straightaway. A lot of it is for environmental reasons, which I get, but when lots of us that genuinely can’t afford many toys get left until the end, it’s hard

It is annoying, but you can’t stop it. However, one of the groups I am in people will often put “for those in need” etc by their post. This then makes people stop and think. I am ok for money (not bags of it, can’t afford loads) but I’m happy to get second hand stuff we need. I also give things away for free though.

MLMshouldbeillegal · 10/11/2021 08:27

@Samhradh1

I’d just love to see the responses if someone posted

“We are supposed to be doing our bit for the environment but second hand and charity shops are for poor people not wealthy people like me so I just buy everything brand new for my children - AIBU”

I'd love also to see the responses to a Facebook post which said

"Cot and high chair to give away, free of charge, but only to those who can convince me that they are genuinely in need of it. No stay at home mums. Bring your bank statement so you can show you're on minimum wage, or Benefits. Don't contact me if you live in X postcode, give me your address so I can check what your house is worth on Rightmove first."

TheWayTheLightFalls · 10/11/2021 08:29

What on earth is wrong with someone in a Bentley buying off FB?!

Pp’s point was about someone with a bentley selling on FB, not buying (as opposed to giving away, presumably). You might disagree but let’s at least get the comprehension right.

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 10/11/2021 08:29

I’ve recently given a lot away. We were given lots of beautiful clothes, but not the right sizes for example or passed on toys etc. Stuff I could sell for a good price, but as I got them free I wanted to pass them on free.

It was bloody difficult! I had people beg for them, then a fortnight later not collect. People argue they needed them most, then change their mind. Weeks later I still had bags blocking my tiny hallway. I ended up passing them to people not really in need just to get rid.

boogiewithasuitcase · 10/11/2021 08:33

Our local Sure Start centre was known as 'the playgroup' by the affluent middle class mums. They would go there instead of to the playgroup across the road which was £3 entrance fee.

It was shut down by the Tories but our Tory council knew it was an easy target because it wasn't actually helping the mums on the local council estate.

As you were...

NoNotMeNoSiree · 10/11/2021 08:33

@TheWayTheLightFalls

What on earth is wrong with someone in a Bentley buying off FB?!

Pp’s point was about someone with a bentley selling on FB, not buying (as opposed to giving away, presumably). You might disagree but let’s at least get the comprehension right.

I've already commented and corrected myself, so I'm not the only one who needs to work on post reading skills

Samhradh1 · 10/11/2021 08:35

@MLMshouldbeillegal I got a headache just reading that!! It’s impossible.

dreamingbohemian · 10/11/2021 08:42

@Samhradh1

I’d just love to see the responses if someone posted

“We are supposed to be doing our bit for the environment but second hand and charity shops are for poor people not wealthy people like me so I just buy everything brand new for my children - AIBU”

Nobody is saying wealthy people shouldn't buy in charity shops

It's that they shouldn't be hoovering up all the free things being offered within a group, when they know others have greater need of them

Honeyroar · 10/11/2021 08:42

Its strange how some rich people are a bit stingy. I guess that’s why they’re rich! I used to be cabin crew. I (and other crew) collected clothes and shoes for street children in Africa and India, and used to take them out on my trips. One of my rich neighbours went on holiday to India and told me how upsetting she found seeing the children living in poverty. I told her about the crew collection thing. She said she’d donate her kid’s clothes. She never did - always sold them on eBay.

Antsgomarching · 10/11/2021 08:43

I would assume they are trying ti be eco friendly by buying second hand. But I do see your point OP.

LolaSmiles · 10/11/2021 08:47

I'd love also to see the responses to a Facebook post which said

"Cot and high chair to give away, free of charge, but only to those who can convince me that they are genuinely in need of it. No stay at home mums. Bring your bank statement so you can show you're on minimum wage, or Benefits. Don't contact me if you live in X postcode, give me your address so I can check what your house is worth on Rightmove first."

We joke, but the admins of one group I was in posted a reminder to stop people doing that as some people genuinely were posting about people only accepting items if they were in need etc. The admins rightly pointed out that not everyone in need wants to identify this on a large Facebook group and also the ethos of passing things on helps more people when it's viewed as something everyone can do.

If people on this thread feel so strongly that their items should only go to people who hit whatever criteria, they should contact local charities or baby banks to donate instead of using free cycle style groups.

RockyMountainSky · 10/11/2021 08:51

@Glassofshloer

Ordering tap water in a restaurant is yuck. You’ve gone out for a meal & to be waited on, but don’t want to pay a few quid for a nice drink?! You would rather cling on to it rather than contributing to what could be a small local business? Like I said, yuck.

Haha, WHAT?? Ordering water (for financial or health reasons) is yuck now?? Never heard that one!

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 10/11/2021 08:57

@Diva66

Some of them re-sell it on eBay, which is probably why they’re rich!

This^^ I know of two well-off mums who do this, get stuff for free or very cheaply then put it on eBay. They brag that they make a good living from it too.

Samhradh1 · 10/11/2021 08:59

I’m also not sure why it’s seen as bad that wealthier people are good with money. Why are so many on this thread expecting they should be frivolous and wasteful just because they technically can?

If someone wealthy wants to buy a secondhand toy and budget their outgoings it’s apparently stingy yet if someone less well off does it it’s seen as commendable?

MLMshouldbeillegal · 10/11/2021 09:05

@Samhradh1

I’m also not sure why it’s seen as bad that wealthier people are good with money. Why are so many on this thread expecting they should be frivolous and wasteful just because they technically can?

If someone wealthy wants to buy a secondhand toy and budget their outgoings it’s apparently stingy yet if someone less well off does it it’s seen as commendable?

And when people with money do splash the cash on holidays/handbags/any other item of their choosing its all : Who do they think they are, it's so flash and nouveau riche, their [expensive designer item] is probably fake anyway, their car will be on credit, they are in debt up to their eyeballs, they're just showing off, how crass, wouldn't we all like to shop in Waitrose?

Some people can't win.

Original poster

Housepartyatjustinshouse · 10/11/2021 09:08

@Honeyroar That’s so true of one of the mums, I really don’t get it. If a collection for charity is arranged, she will never give to it, ever. She’s very wealthy, to be fair to her, she will offer some for free in the group, but never wants to give to charity…I wonder what that’s about 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 09:13

@PurpleOkapi

My last post was addressing it. Clearly she could afford it, and instead chose to spend her money on other things. Most would agree that saving for a house is a better use of funds than buying alcohol, or even than buying soft drinks. Why does the fact she could afford something obligate her to actually buy that thing, to the point where it's morally wrong for her not to?

Firstly I disagree because you can’t take bricks and mortar with you when you’re gone Secondly it doesn’t obligate her, but it does make her tight and stingy and that’s my point

Samhradh1 · 10/11/2021 09:19

@MLMshouldbeillegal true. Seems you can’t win either way.

@Glassofshloer how are you taking your 6 pound glasses of wine with you?

BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 09:34

Ok, well perhaps you'd like to try this challenge.
There have been several previous threads on here titled 'I Hate Men'.

3 with that exact title, 7 with similar titles, spread over 15 years. Hardly something that happens often.

Name me one other protected group who you can profess to hate without causing outrage.

If you think there aren’t any posts about hatred of other protected groups just because they don’t start with “I hate….” then you are deluding yourself. People do not get called out for it, and MN is really slow to remove, and mostly don’t.

antsinyourpanta · 10/11/2021 09:37

Recently I advertised a beautiful dolls house for free.
The first person to comment was a local childminder. I felt really conflicted about letting her have it. I did because she commented first but for some reason it just didn’t sit well with me. I guess the intention is that it would go to a child that would otherwise not have the chance to own one like that.
Next time I will add a statement like the ones some have suggested upthread.

Maybe the childminder thought it would be nice for lots of children to be able to enjoy the dolls house. Or maybe because there are more children than might be in a single family a cheaper quality dolls house might get worn or broken quickly?

SunnyCoco · 10/11/2021 09:38

Hi OP

I would definitely write a post saying if anyone is getting rid of xyz, please could you be kept in mind as you always miss the posts when you're at work.

I always wonder if this is why rich people stay so rich!

BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 09:39

She’s very wealthy, to be fair to her, she will offer some for free in the group, but never wants to give to charity…I wonder what that’s about

She never wants to give to the charity others have picked in the way they are choosing to raise money. I rarely support any local charity drive, never do a cash in a box type stuff. Avoid anything to do with cancer charities. I pick smaller charities, donate to them directly and usually do so in a way that I can gift aid it to maximise the donation. Just yesterday I gave a decently sized donation to a group my daughter attends who lost all their equipment recently. If you came chugging me at my door or on FB, I’d refuse but don’t for a minute think that means I don’t give to charity.

Glassofshloer · 10/11/2021 09:40

Haha all the cheap skates getting defensive over how much they LOVE tap water with a curry!

@JennyDune penny pinching to buy a million quid house by ordering tap water in a restaurant is tight-fisted and miserly and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. It doesn’t make you ‘frugal’ it makes you mean with money.