Rich mums taking all the second hand stuff first

[Housepartyatjustinshouse]

In a local mums group with lots of lovely mums.
We often post if we have toys/clothes to give free, that the children have grown out of.
Just recently I’m noticing more and more that when toys/clothes are posted, the same few mums get it there first.
They are mums that don’t work (don’t need to) and live in million pound houses and clearly don’t need to worry.
It just seems a little unfair that I and the more *Average mums seem to lose out, when they could buy a lot easier than we could?
I’m in a two bed flat and missed out (again) in a huge selection of toys my Ds would go crazy for. I can’t afford to buy them new and it would’ve really helped at Christmas.
Is this fair? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Ozanj

No, youre wrong....if you save at least 50% of 2 incomes for around 15 years, putting 2/3 of that amount into overpaying the mortgage and 1/3 into stocks every month....youd be surprised at how of a deposit you will have at 43. (Also assuming that both you and your partner had a 1 bed flat or some savings prior to cohabiting...as we did)

Yanbu.
I write "only those in genuine need should pm" I check if they constantly take everything and never offer I pass them.
I genuinely would never nab freebies we're doing okay, many families aren't.

Tbh, now that we've recent moved into our house we do usually order 1 drink each. It was mostly before we moved/were saving up that we didnt. But eitherway, personally, I think its frugal if you dont want to waste money on drinks. Not tipping on the other hand, would be poor form (assuming you get good service).

Oh come off it. Drinks cost more than tipping, you were being tight, leaving a couple of quid doesn’t make up for not buying proper drinks.

By all means don’t go out and have fun if you’re scrimping for an unnecessarily expensive house, but don’t take food from the mouths of others by taking up a table expecting and ordering tap water when it could be taken by people happy to pay for every item brought to their table.

Very distasteful.

‘Wasting money’ on the very product you’re supposed to be there to buy 🙄 honestly I’m actually shaking my head…

@Glassofshloer

Tbh, now that we've recent moved into our house we do usually order 1 drink each. It was mostly before we moved/were saving up that we didnt. But eitherway, personally, I think its frugal if you dont want to waste money on drinks. Not tipping on the other hand, would be poor form (assuming you get good service).

Oh come off it. Drinks cost more than tipping, you were being tight, leaving a couple of quid doesn’t make up for not buying proper drinks.

By all means don’t go out and have fun if you’re scrimping for an unnecessarily expensive house, but don’t take food from the mouths of others by taking up a table expecting and ordering tap water when it could be taken by people happy to pay for every item brought to their table.

Very distasteful.

Are you a restaurateur by any chance?

@Glassofshloer

Ordering tap water in a restaurant is yuck. You’ve gone out for a meal & to be waited on, but don’t want to pay a few quid for a nice drink?! You would rather cling on to it rather than contributing to what could be a small local business? Like I said, yuck.

What have you got against water? Out of everything I'd ever enjoy drinking, it's by far the healthiest choice. I have water with meals all the time at home, too. Sorry my dietary choices don't meet with your approval, but I'm not "ripping people off" by ordering what I want to eat/drink rather than what would be most lucrative for the restaurant. Neither is @JennyDune.

Are you a restaurateur by any chance?

If they are, they aren't a very good one. Price things based on what it actually costs to make and serve that item, and you won't have to obsess over someone's dietary preferences "taking food from the mouths of others."

What have you got against water? Out of everything I'd ever enjoy drinking, it's by far the healthiest choice. I have water with meals all the time at home, too. Sorry my dietary choices don't meet with your approval, but I'm not "ripping people off" by ordering what I want to eat/drink rather than what would be most lucrative for the restaurant. Neither is @JennyDune.

Great, so sit and drink water at home. There’s nothing wrong with ordering it alongside wine or soft drinks, but as a sole drink, is tight and mean. Order a proper mineral water and pay for it if you are only drinking water. People who expect to be served ‘free’ tap water all night make me cringe.

And no I’m not Jenny; I’m just somebody who expects to pay for everything I receive in a restaurant, and not penny pinch the people who are waiting on me.

Ordering tap water in a restaurant is yuck. You’ve gone out for a meal & to be waited on, but don’t want to pay a few quid for a nice drink?

What's wrong with ordering tap water?
Some people prefer water as a drink, I personally love tap water.
I could see your point if you mean buy one cup of tea in a cafe say, and then order a tap water and just sit sipping it for ages and keeping a table occupied and not buying anything.
If you're buying food and out for a meal though there's nothing wrong with ordering water!

@Glassofshloer

What have you got against water? Out of everything I'd ever enjoy drinking, it's by far the healthiest choice. I have water with meals all the time at home, too. Sorry my dietary choices don't meet with your approval, but I'm not "ripping people off" by ordering what I want to eat/drink rather than what would be most lucrative for the restaurant. Neither is @JennyDune.

Great, so sit and drink water at home. There’s nothing wrong with ordering it alongside wine or soft drinks, but as a sole drink, is tight and mean. Order a proper mineral water and pay for it if you are only drinking water. People who expect to be served ‘free’ tap water all night make me cringe.

And no I’m not Jenny; I’m just somebody who expects to pay for everything I receive in a restaurant, and not penny pinch the people who are waiting on me.

If I wanted a "proper mineral water," I'd order that. I order tap water because I prefer it. Just because something costs more doesn't mean it tastes better. It's also better for the environment - no bottles.

Do you expect to pay for your straws and napkins, too? Those cost more than the water does, and the waiter still has to bring them to you. If need more napkins, then he has to bring you more, but I've never heard of anyone being charged for that. I wouldn't object to a restaurant charging for tap water to cover the cost of serving it and washing the glass, but if one chooses not to do that, that doesn't obligate me to order something I don't want. If enough people do this that it affects their bottom line, they should change their pricing. It's not my responsibility to sort that out for them.

@Thatsthewaytis

Maybe they are thinking of the climate and not buying toys new so they want them for that reason not money?

So then they could charity shop, surely?

And I don't go out for a meal "to be waited on." I go out for a meal so I can eat food that's better than anything I could cook for myself, without the bother of actually having to cook it or clean up afterwards. Waiters may be the most convenient method of transporting food from the kitchen to my table, but they're hardly the purpose of the experience.

@PurpleOkapi

And I don't go out for a meal "to be waited on." I go out for a meal so I can eat food that's better than anything I could cook for myself, without the bother of actually having to cook it or clean up afterwards. Waiters may be the most convenient method of transporting food from the kitchen to my table, but they're hardly the purpose of the experience.

So get Hello Fresh.

You’d be pretty unimpressed if you went to a restaurant and they asked you to fetch your own food from the kitchen so yes, you do expect to be waited on, and this service is part of the experience.

@NoNotMeNoSiree

Ordering tap water in a restaurant is yuck. You’ve gone out for a meal & to be waited on, but don’t want to pay a few quid for a nice drink?

What's wrong with ordering tap water?
Some people prefer water as a drink, I personally love tap water.
I could see your point if you mean buy one cup of tea in a cafe say, and then order a tap water and just sit sipping it for ages and keeping a table occupied and not buying anything.
If you're buying food and out for a meal though there's nothing wrong with ordering water!

There is. Drinks make up a large part of a restaurant’s profits. Drink water but pay for that water, to sit there sipping away at free tap water while hogging a table is cringey and cheap. Nothing will change my mind on that.

@PurpleOkapi

Don’t be so silly. The food and drink are the consumables, the things they charge money for and where the profit is made.

I believe restaurants etc are obligated to provide free tap water so I don’t think they can really do anything if a bunch of cheapskates order nothing but tap water. It’s a shame though.

I use Freegle occasionally which has a policy of asking those who offer stuff not to give their stuff to the first responders but to leave it a while so that more people can see the posts, eg those at work. Maybe check out your local Freegle group

I took my kids out for a birthday meal. Was there an hour, not hogging any tables there' were loads free. Ordered tap water because I like it and was best I could afford. But paid for food and had a great time eating out as a bit of a treat. Really quite saddened to think people would have been judging us. Obviously would never take the piss and sit for free but never thought we would be making anyone as mad as you are 😢

Why didn’t you just go somewhere you could afford to eat and drink instead?

@Glassofshloer

So get Hello Fresh.

You do know you still have to cook and wash the pots with Hello Fresh, right? If a restaurant is serving something I like better than anything Hello Fresh offers, what exactly is the problem with me going there because I want to eat that thing that they want to sell me?

You’d be pretty unimpressed if you went to a restaurant and they asked you to fetch your own food from the kitchen so yes, you do expect to be waited on, and this service is part of the experience.

I'd find it odd, and having customers wander around the kitchen would probably violate some health code, but it wouldn't stop me from eating there if I liked the food. Buffets were a common setup before covid, and that's almost the same thing. Of course, I'd expect it to be cheaper, since they aren't paying waitstaff.

Yes, waiters are "part of" the experience at most restaurants, but they aren't the part I care about, nor are they the reason I go there. The part I care about, and the reason I go there, is the food and the lack of cooking/washing up. It's therefore incorrect to say that I go to restaurants for the purpose of being waited on. I don't. If other people have some weird complex where being able to order others around for an hour is enjoyable in its own right, to the point where it's the main reason they go to restaurants, then I'm very sorry for whomever gets stuck serving them. But I don't think that's normal, and it's certainly not universal.

Because that was it. Local pub that we could get to. Do different deals every night etc. If I was going out myself I would buy food and drinks, but adds a lot to the cost for all the family.

Lol, I really didnt think that ordering tap water would end up being so contraversial

At the small local tapas restaurant we visit every couple of months, we order 3 dishes each for around £6 each, followed by dessert, so £45 ish on food between us.

Drinks wise, I usually have 3 or so glasses of wine at £6ish each plus a soft drink usually lemonade, and DH has 2 or 3 beers and a soft drink. So drinks come to around £35.

So the drinks make up around 40% of the bill.

If we sat there sipping at tap water all night they would lose nearly half of the bill. The drinks are part of the meal, it’s tight and cheap to ask for free tap water.

Restaurants aren’t benevolent organisations, they’re not going to be pleased you’ve ordered the ‘healthy’ free choice or that you’re fulfilling your genuine love of tap water.

I'd make a point of saying, oh sorry missed this, (was at work - or whatever) and I'd love anything else like this if anyone else is offering other items etc.

Drink water but pay for that water, to sit there sipping away at free tap water while hogging a table is cringey and cheap.

It's hardly "hogging a table" if you're in a restaurant all ordering and eating meals though.
If you're out with other people in a group too I highly doubt everyone will be on the tap water so there will be others getting drinks more to your approval.

@Glassofshloer

Why didn’t you just go somewhere you could afford to eat and drink instead?

Fluffybunny doesn't mention being forced to wash dishes in the back because she couldn't pay, so it sounds like she could afford it. If someone can't afford every single thing on the menu, that doesn't mean they "can't afford" to go there at all.

Sometimes I only order appetizers because I'm a petite person and adult dinner portions are too large for me. I bet you hate that.