AIBU to ask why ppl make fatphobic comments?

[Claralaura]

While out for coffee with a good (slim) friend who I love dearly, she made a nasty comment about an overweight couple sitting next to us who were enjoying some cake. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry that makes me sick, they are killing themselves". I pointed put to her that the people she was so disgusted by weren't that much larger than me, so why would she say that? She got a bit flustered and then gave various "but you carry it well" "you're tall" "you're not even that fat" I wasn't even particularly hurt just found it interesting that she would think that would be an OK thing to say especially to someone who is fat.

I am 35 and I am fat, (about 3 stone overweight(, I have 2 kids a lovely husband and a happy life. I enjoy running but also enjoy my food would I like to be slimmer? absolutely! but I am pretty happy the way I am. 10 years ago I was very slim but drank to excess smoked and was very unfit and unhealthy and I am 100% happier now than I was then.
But it got me thinking about similar comments over the years, slimmer friends who put on 3lbs complaining to me about how disgustingly fat they looked.

So I suppose my question is.... if you are one of those people who say these things why do you say them? No judgement just interested to hear the other side of the coin

‘ Being fat is generally thought of as a lack of will power and laziness and therefore lack of morality’

Honestly, I had no idea until this thread that this was how people looked at overweight people. When I think of the people in my life who are/were
overweight I see their struggles and their circumstances. There’s not one that fits
The stereotype on here of eating too many Gregg’s and being gluttons.
There is grief - loss of children, wives, parents, husbands. There’s poverty. There’s losing jobs.
Divorce. Health problems, injury. Mental health problems. Bullying, low self
Esteem. And on.and on.
Yet here, Apparently it’s
So simple.
Eat less,
You fat bastard. And get off your lazy arse.

Because being overweight is the last acceptable prejudice.
I know someone who is at least double what they should actually weigh,and while I have no issue with this,what does annoy me is the way she bangs on about other overweight people! She's constantly sniping about the 'disgusting amount' that other people eat,followed by remarks along the lines of 'Don't they ever look at themselves in the mirror?'. I'm

@WillyWollyWandy

"Ok you asked..
I would never dream of commenting about someone’s weight. But I do inwardly judge people who are fat because for the fast majority of people, notwithstanding those with thyroid issues and other health conditions, there is no need to be fat. "

But you can't tell which people you look at have thyroid issues etc, so how do you reserve your judgement for those deserving of your disdain?

People who judge others on their weight lack character and personality.

I am very fat and over 60 , have always been extremely self conscious and find it very difficult to just go out of my house ( went out yesterday for first time in 10 days) partly because I feel the judgement of others. There have been several threads about appearance recently on which many have stated nobody is paying attention to other people. Well maybe they have been fortunate or are oblivious but constant judgement and comments on my and other peoples' bodies has been my experience since infant school. As to how much I cost the NHS, I don't smoke, drink ,take drugs, have takaways or junk food, take sexual risks, do dangerous sports, have never been pregnant, given birth, been hospitalised or had a long term illness. I know that is purely luck , I could fall or be ill right now as could the myriad of thin people. The most expensive treatment I have had is for varicose veins. The surgeon made his contempt clear, reminded me repeatedly the veins would return if I did not lose weight. I did not ask him what dire warnings he was given to the 2 other women patients who happened to be slim but one of whom told the nurse she was in for the second time.

It turns out I was fortunate to be bullied and treated with contempt as a child 'cos that was and is what I have experienced. Including from my PE teacher who could not believe I would voluntarily walk 2 miles home from school (because of the bullies).

The same reason they assume all thin people all have eating disorders.

Ignorance.

So does your slim friend drink or smoke ? Does she get enough regular exercise? Well she’s killing her self too. It’s very rude to comment the way she did, no one knows what other people are experiencing. And even if they are not experiencing anything, maybe the couple are just taking things too far diet wise.. well that’s up to them. None of her business

I’m full of energy and practically bounce off every surface. I find it so sad that my once fit sibling is so overweight they complain about the shortest of walks and they move so slowly. 20 years ago, he was climbing mountains and spent all his time outside. I often wonder if he is happy and what causes him to overeat. I would never say anything, because it seems so taboo. However, if he was drinking to excess, I’d probably think it was fine to comment.

I do fear being fat myself. In the same way as I fear becoming ill or breaking a limb. I love to be free and active outside and I fear anything that would stop me from enjoying that. I have been 2-3 stone overweight and it was so much harder to move my body - it must be very tiring to be obese. I sometimes feel sorry for people that look like they find it difficult to move around, but it’s not my place to say or do anything about it.

@Goatinthegarden I agree with you, everyone has a size at which they feel most comfortable physically but weirdly for me it's now I'm fat. I run 5k 3 times a week, have a very physical job and 2 toddlers to run after.
10 years ago I was a size 8 smoker, I drank excessively every weekend and even though I had a great figure I got out of breath climbing the stairs and couldn't run to save myself. I might not be an athlete but I am 100% fitter now than I was then. I'm sure I if I lost a couple of stone I'd feel even better but I find dieting worse for my weight. While I often see results quickly The restriction ends in inevitable binging and I end up bigger than I ever was. The only time I stopped gaining weight was when I stopped dieting (I'm not losing weight but haven't gained (give or take 5 lbs) in 2 years. I don't "love" my body but I don't hate it anymore.

So if a person is fat, I assume they’re lazy and eat junk food to excess.

The lazy bit is what I find most annoying, if I walk up three flights of stairs, which I am capable of doing, a fit healthy person who is 8 stone will probably be quicker and less out of breath than me, but if I made them carry 10 stone ( or 150 tins of beans ) whilst doing it, would the same be true ?

“Fatphobic”? 🙄 so we’re pretending that being fat isn’t a choice now, like race, sex, disability, sexual orientation etc? FFS.

I would love it if anyone could show me where being fat is encouraged as 'healthy, trendy, sexy & fun'

It’s all over tiktok.

@Naunet where is your compassion?
Sometimes being overweight is no more a choice than anorexia or bulimia. Why are some eating disorders treated with empathy and others disdain?
Hating your body as a fat person doesn't work to make you thin, no more than hating your body as an anorexic person helps to make you gain weight, but maybe if people stopped negatively commenting on other people's bodies and stopped focusing on the number on the scale it would help those of us with disordered eating too heal our relationship with food.

My sister in law makes similar comments - but she developed high blood pressure and has uncontrolled diabetes at 35 despite being slim and is jealous that I don’t have it even though I’m older.

@Naunet

“Fatphobic”? 🙄 so we’re pretending that being fat isn’t a choice now, like race, sex, disability, sexual orientation etc? FFS.

Considering that a large proportion of fat women are fat because the nhs refuses to treat pcos until infertility or even test for thyroid problems unless you have symptoms other than weight gain, for many there won’t be a choice. I lost 3 stones very quickly the moment my thyroid problem was treated.

[quote Claralaura]@Naunet where is your compassion?
Sometimes being overweight is no more a choice than anorexia or bulimia. Why are some eating disorders treated with empathy and others disdain?
Hating your body as a fat person doesn't work to make you thin, no more than hating your body as an anorexic person helps to make you gain weight, but maybe if people stopped negatively commenting on other people's bodies and stopped focusing on the number on the scale it would help those of us with disordered eating too heal our relationship with food.[/quote]
I do have empathy, but I find it incredibly offensive to call it fatphobia and act as if it’s similar to others struggles around things they can’t change (race, sexual orientation, sex etc).

It’s more akin to some people thinking it’s disgusting that women have tattoos, or hating face piercing or other choices like that. I couldn’t care less what anyone wants to do with their own body, knock yourself out, but don’t pretend it makes you a victim because not everyone embraces your choices.

Considering that a large proportion of fat women are fat because the nhs refuses to treat pcos until infertility or even test for thyroid problems unless you have symptoms other than weight gain, for many there won’t be a choice. I lost 3 stones very quickly the moment my thyroid problem was treated

A large proportion?! Come off it. This is what irritates me, this constant need to pretend it’s rarely anything to do with food. Food is one of life’s few pleasures, I totally understand why people can end up eating too much, I don’t think there’s any shame in it personally, and I couldn’t care less if that’s what someone does.

@Naunet so you think people who are anorexic "choose" to be like that? They just get up every morning and make a conscious choice to starve themselves?
Or is it something that they do not have control over like any other mental illness, depression/ addiction etc?
Binge eating disorder (one of the main causes of morbid obesity) is no different to any other eating disorder, it is not a "choice" it's an eating disorder.
Making negative comments towards a group of people suffering from mental illness is really really nasty.

[quote Claralaura]@Naunet so you think people who are anorexic "choose" to be like that? They just get up every morning and make a conscious choice to starve themselves?
Or is it something that they do not have control over like any other mental illness, depression/ addiction etc?
Binge eating disorder (one of the main causes of morbid obesity) is no different to any other eating disorder, it is not a "choice" it's an eating disorder.
Making negative comments towards a group of people suffering from mental illness is really really nasty.[/quote]
Why are you comparing being anorexic to being fat? Anorexia comes from body dysmorphia.

Eating disorders are different, and yes, there are people who eat too much and struggle to control it. As I already said, I have empathy for that. But that still doesn’t make “fatphobia” an acceptable term because it creates the idea that it’s akin to racism etc, which it absolutely isn’t.

Please do show me where I made nasty comments about fat people though.

Also, are you saying all fat people are mentally ill?! 😧

I wonder how many people on here "concerned about health" were similarly outraged by fat people getting earlier vaccines, its all about health isn't it 😉😉

@Naunet

“Fatphobic”? 🙄 so we’re pretending that being fat isn’t a choice now, like race, sex, disability, sexual orientation etc? FFS.

I don't agree with the term but the idea that people simply 'choose' fat just shows how ignorant people are.

I would rather walk round every day being my fat self though, than be the type of clueless person that makes this kind of offering.

There are many many reasons that someone can be overweight.
PCOS (1 in every 10 women in the UK)
Underactive Thyroid (10 times more likely to affect women than men)
Binge eating disorder (1,398,000 people currently accessing support for BED in UK)
Metabolic conditions
Disordered eating from food being withheld as a child.
Disordered eating from other trauma.

We do not know just by looking at someone what their lives are like, you might see a fat person and think "lazy sod just eat a salad ffs" when in actuality if you had their brain and their lived experience you would be exactly the same.