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Original poster

Dad gave my mum's house away

181 replies

user1493035447 · 09/11/2021 11:37

Bit of a complicated situation but I wanted views on this. My parents bought their house together, and when my mum died she had a secret life insurance policy my dad never knew about that paid off the mortgage in full.

My dad later got married to what can only be described as a psychopath. He told everyone he had a will in place to ensure my siblings and I (who were still children) would get the family home if anything happened to him.

The marriage didn't last and he again remarried a foreign bride. At the time I was a student and I told my dad of my concerns - if anything were to happen to him it would have impacted the feasibility of my studies but he assured me that my siblings and I would be taken care of. The subject didn't crop up again until late last year when he was terminally ill. In the intervening years he kept telling all his family and friends how wealthy his wife was, and this is something I believed as I was aware she has at least 2 houses of her own.

Last year however my dad announced that he had no will and everything would go to his wife. My siblings and I were shocked. Firstly he had lied when we were younger and if something had happened to him it would have left the family home to his psychopathic wife, and she would just have abandoned us. It would have made life very difficult for us.

Secondly he lied to my granny who questioned him about a will, and if she had know this I am not so certain she would have left him half her estate.

We are now in a position where the wife is getting everything, the house my mum helped pay for and my granny's estate. I don't want to sound entitled as I don't need the money, and would be just as happy seeing it go to a charity that helped my parents. My sister however is struggling to pay for childcare and she is very resentful of my dad now. I do however resent every time I was out with my dad and I insisted on paying for meals and drinks, that I was basically writing a cheque to the wife. I didn't realise how much he had in his bank account until before he died and I would absolutely not have paid for as much as I did if I had know this situation. Over the years I also helped him by paying for half of any repairs he had on the house and I feel as though he isn't the person I thought I knew.

To complicate matters further he told me he wanted his ashes buried with my mum's. However this is something the wife has developed amnesia over and she is in possession of both sets of ashes.

Had anyone else been through a situation like this or have any views on it? I feel it's something I can't get out my head and can't believe my dad left such a mess - as children we seemed to understand the importance of a will. I do understand she was his wife but the marriage seemed so toxic and we were definitely lied to about her financial situation - not that is was something we ever asked!!

OP posts:
Leboots · 10/11/2021 19:19

We were TD the same thing. Lots of husband's or wives don't make a will assuming everything goes to spouse and that's not correct. See a solicitor straight away

Leboots · 10/11/2021 19:20

Oops told not TD

Lochroy · 10/11/2021 19:24

OP, plenty of posters have explained the intestacy laws. Have you seen those posts? The wife doesn't automatically get everything.

BeverlyHa · 10/11/2021 19:28

This is very sad. Why it always happens in step families ?

Our uncle got foreign second, bride, adopted her child at the ripe age of 16 and now the two are getting estate worth millions. He has adult kids and grandkids . Not sure what they get.

ThinWomansBrain · 10/11/2021 19:28

If your Father did have a will at the time of his second marriage (to the psychopath), it would have been invalidated by the later marriage to the now widow.

DaisyStiener · 10/11/2021 19:39

Sorry to hear this OP
I’ve something similar. I seem to have a been swizzed out of a parents pension and ashes by a grandparent ? Sad
Grandparents seems to have cashed it, and split amongst my aunt/uncles but not me?
What goes through peoples minds and hearts….?

mariominder · 10/11/2021 19:39

I'm glad to see that you are planning to talk to a lawyer in any case. There may not be anything to be done, but contentious probate is a whole area of law, and it might help anyway to have made the inquiry. It's emotionally a very painful area as well, and I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this.

Chippymunks · 10/11/2021 19:42

DaisyStiener how did the GP get away with that?

Lindylindyloo · 10/11/2021 19:52

Happened to me, sadly happens all the time when one parent (why is it always the dad we hear about) remarries. My brother and I were supposed to get half the house sale each, but sadly not! It's weird when people are different to the ones we knew, it's upsetting, but these things happen. I'd put it behind you, if there's no will and there's a wife, it'll all go to her. I am sorry you're in this situation.

DaisyStiener · 10/11/2021 20:03

@Chippymunks
I was very young when my parent died and no one from HMRC has contacted me about a pension, which would’ve been a few years cashed now?
Can only assume DGP have it?
I’m trying to find out if that’s the case. DGPs certainly don’t need the money ( and I’ve never asked for anything or been given anything from them my whole life?)
DGP dished out a load of cash a few year ago to the remaining siblings , my surviving DP assumes now that this may have been DPs pension.

Very upsetting Sad

AuroraSophia · 10/11/2021 20:04

You do not sound entitled at all so please don’t worry about that. I am so sorry to hear your sister and you are having to go through this, especially after losing both of your parents. Like previous posts I would definitely recommend getting a solicitor involved. Please try and keep your head up as you are the innocent children that shouldn’t have had to worry about these things now. So sorry OP xxx

EvilRingahBitch · 10/11/2021 20:06

@Lindylindyloo

Happened to me, sadly happens all the time when one parent (why is it always the dad we hear about) remarries. My brother and I were supposed to get half the house sale each, but sadly not! It's weird when people are different to the ones we knew, it's upsetting, but these things happen. I'd put it behind you, if there's no will and there's a wife, it'll all go to her. I am sorry you're in this situation.
Not necessarily true that if there's no will it'll all go to his wife. Depends on A) the country, whether it's England or Scotland or somewhere else B) how any houses were owned C) the amount of money involved
filka · 10/11/2021 20:14

Any will that he had prior to his last marriage would have been automatically invalidated when he married. So unless he wrote a completely new will after he married, then it's quite plausible that he didn't have a will.

If you don't have a will then the estate is carved up according to standard rules of intestacy. I think your situation is set out here:
www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will/y/england-and-wales/yes/yes/yes
...for which the answer is:

The husband, wife or civil partner keeps all the assets (including property), up to £270,000, and all the personal possessions, whatever their value.
The remainder of the estate will be shared as follows:

  1. the husband, wife or civil partner gets an absolute interest in half of the remainder
  2. the other half is then divided equally between the surviving children If a son or daughter (or other child where the deceased had a parental role) has already died, their children will inherit in their place.

The 3rd wife won't be able to change the title deeds on the house without obtaining probate, and some information about that (including the value of the estate) is published so can't be hidden.

But it's a carp situation, sadly it seems to be quite common.

BoredZelda · 10/11/2021 20:34

This would be unusual as the usual default way of married couples owning property is as joint tenants.

But any half decent solicitor will discuss this with a couple when they do the paperwork for buying a house.

Thehouseofmarvels · 10/11/2021 20:36

Sadly this is very common. I have heard of this happening a lot, where thr children of a first marriage get nothing. Does this woman have children who will eventually get everything?

Unsure33 · 10/11/2021 20:43

Hi OP

Do you know roughly the value of the estate and if a solicitor handled the final paperwork?

Salome61 · 10/11/2021 22:49

Your post has made me think. I don't know if my Dad has a will. I've been estranged from him for twenty years but recently made contact again and we are now exchanging the odd letter/birthday and christmas cards. He's 89 now and his wife died a few years ago, I wonder if her children from a previous marriage will inherit when he dies? I very much doubt I'll get anything, he used to think a shiny penny was a fortune :)

BooneyBeautiful · 11/11/2021 00:17

@BubblesThaDragoon

Can you contest this if there was no will?
That's definitely what I would recommend and, by the sounds of it, you would have a good chance of succeeding!
Mamanyt · 11/11/2021 00:44

Here in the USA, in the absence of a written will, children do have certain rights. Talk with a solicitor about this. You may be entitled to something.

Harmonypuss · 11/11/2021 02:16

Sorry if it's already been said but I only read the first few posts.....

His house, his money, his choice who it goes to even if it was (in your eyes) a toxic marriage to a wealthy (in her own right) woman.

If you can prove that you paid towards repairs/upkeep of the house, you 'might' be able to claim something but there are no guarantees.

THEDEACON · 11/11/2021 02:58

Your Dad didn't give your Mum's house away it was his house and therefore he could do what he wanted with it The ashes are a different matter your stepmother as next of kin is entitled to keep your father's ashes but is being unreasonable keeping your Mother's

Chippymunks · 11/11/2021 08:22

Salome61 if your DF doesn’t have a will you and any siblings you have will inherit his estate.

honeylulu · 11/11/2021 10:04

The husband, wife or civil partner keeps all the assets (including property), up to £270,000, and all the personal possessions, whatever their value

This isn't quite true as any jointly owned or nominated property goes direct to the spouse without being included in the 270k calculation. This will include property owned as joint tenants, joint bank accounts and pensions/insurance policies with the spouse as named beneficiary.

Most married people won't own much else and if they do it's unlikely to get close to 270k.

If the house was owned as joint tenants that might be different (as half the house value might exceed 270k) but that is fairly unusual between married couples. The Land Registry entry won't reveal it either so you'd need to find out from the probate office who is administering the estate and make that enquiry. However that person may well be your stepmother and though she should provide that information, in practice she may well be difficult about it or simply say there is no joint tenancy deed to show you and you will be stuck trying to prove something you have no access to.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/11/2021 10:44

I hope by now for your own peace of mind, you have an appointment to see a legal advisor.

MyDadTheIdiot · 11/11/2021 15:21

OP very sorry to hear about your situation. There has been some good and some not so good advice given on this thread. My first recommendation would be to get yourself an appointment with a specialist probate solicitor. You usually get the first hour consultation free and you can decide from there what your next steps would be.

A bit of my background, I am a regular poster here but have changed names for this as my situation is very outing. My dad married a foreign lady in order that she could get a visa to stay and work in the U.K. She lived with him till she got a British passport then left and had children with another man. They lived apart, but not divorced, for years, and she only moved back when she found out he was terminally ill. He had made a will but not signed it (complicated, far too outing reasons! But didn’t due to do with someone involved’s covid travel restrictions.) When he died we were aware of how he wanted to share things, but not that he had not signed his will. His estranged wife initially agreed to administer his estate according to how he said he wanted it doing, but over time she decided she would rather go down the route of intestacy. She has administered the estate primarily in her favour though (there were numerous complicated rental properties involved) and we are still, nearly 2 years down the line, struggling to get it resolved, made all the more complicated by her sudden public display of wealth and largesse on social media in her home country, where she seems to spend all her time whilst still not having disclosed this fact to her own solicitor.

Whichever way round we look at it, and no matter how many documents we have demonstrating what my dad actually wanted (and we have several documents written by him to this effect, and signed in front of legal witnesses) the fact is he did not actually sign his will so the other documents are useless.

Intestacy allows a spouse to claim the first £270000 plus 50% of anything else, which sounds simple enough, but in reality there are so many more ins and outs, for which you will need a solicitor to deal with. The remaining 50% is shared between children. So you will not be left with nothing. In my case, I will end up with something, but the foreign lady my dad married will end up with an entire property rental business that had been in my family for 4 generations and was intended to be managed by me and my siblings and generate us an income before being passed to our children. It is fucking shit, but we have explored every avenue and cannot change it. Sometimes it’s better to make peace with the fact that your dad was an idiot - mine died asking to sign his will. Literally his last conscious request, though we did not understand what he was asking at the time. He knew he had fucked up in his dying moments.