Dad gave my mum's house away

[user1493035447]

Bit of a complicated situation but I wanted views on this. My parents bought their house together, and when my mum died she had a secret life insurance policy my dad never knew about that paid off the mortgage in full.

My dad later got married to what can only be described as a psychopath. He told everyone he had a will in place to ensure my siblings and I (who were still children) would get the family home if anything happened to him.

The marriage didn't last and he again remarried a foreign bride. At the time I was a student and I told my dad of my concerns - if anything were to happen to him it would have impacted the feasibility of my studies but he assured me that my siblings and I would be taken care of. The subject didn't crop up again until late last year when he was terminally ill. In the intervening years he kept telling all his family and friends how wealthy his wife was, and this is something I believed as I was aware she has at least 2 houses of her own.

Last year however my dad announced that he had no will and everything would go to his wife. My siblings and I were shocked. Firstly he had lied when we were younger and if something had happened to him it would have left the family home to his psychopathic wife, and she would just have abandoned us. It would have made life very difficult for us.

Secondly he lied to my granny who questioned him about a will, and if she had know this I am not so certain she would have left him half her estate.

We are now in a position where the wife is getting everything, the house my mum helped pay for and my granny's estate. I don't want to sound entitled as I don't need the money, and would be just as happy seeing it go to a charity that helped my parents. My sister however is struggling to pay for childcare and she is very resentful of my dad now. I do however resent every time I was out with my dad and I insisted on paying for meals and drinks, that I was basically writing a cheque to the wife. I didn't realise how much he had in his bank account until before he died and I would absolutely not have paid for as much as I did if I had know this situation. Over the years I also helped him by paying for half of any repairs he had on the house and I feel as though he isn't the person I thought I knew.

To complicate matters further he told me he wanted his ashes buried with my mum's. However this is something the wife has developed amnesia over and she is in possession of both sets of ashes.

Had anyone else been through a situation like this or have any views on it? I feel it's something I can't get out my head and can't believe my dad left such a mess - as children we seemed to understand the importance of a will. I do understand she was his wife but the marriage seemed so toxic and we were definitely lied to about her financial situation - not that is was something we ever asked!!

The fact is, some men - particularly if they’re older and have always been helpless when it comes to cooking and cleaning etc. - are a complete pushover for certain women with an eye to the main chance. How often do they go for men with no (owned) house or flat, and very little in the way of savings?

And where were the adult children of those men? Leaving father helpless but feeling entitled to property and savings?

You need to go to see a solicitor with your sister for an hour of advice having sent them everything in advance - Land Registry property titles (cost £3), any will (think there is no will) , details of full names of everyone and where they live etc.

As said above if England and if no will only the first tranche goes to the wife and the rest to the children . You may want TODAY to register at the land registry notice over any properties he might sell from under you - again a solicitor can help advise if this is possible. Also if supported by the parent in England you may have a claim under the 1975 Act too

Sounds like the DF was pretending to keep everyone happy. He must have been married to his last wife for a long time so her getting the estate or at least a percentage of the estate is not surprising.
It’s the deceit and his change of mind that is so hard. I’d suggest some sessions of counselling. I did this last year when my DF died and it really helped.

Many spouses who share mortgaged property , take out life insurance policy to repay the mortgage for the survivor's benefit. When one dies, the survivor has sole ownership ( Unless the deceased left a Will with some different disposal of the property).

A surviving sole owner, can then do as they please, sell it or Will it to whoever they want.

You do realise that people can and do change their Wills as life circumstances alter? It's entirely possible your dad used to have a will, which was invalidated when he remarried wife 2.. Or, he rewrote a new will when he married wife 2 and it lapsed again when he remarried wife 3.

Maybe he decided he no longer needed to provide for adult children; or he got fed up with being pestered about his will, and just tore it up.

If your dad lived in UK and left no will, (intestate) his estate doesnt automatically go to his wife. It will be assigned to entitled survivors (spouse, dependents, relatives) under intestacy laws in whichever UK country he lived in.

Of course, by t5he time he died he might no longer have a house to leave; he could have remortgaged the house to enjoy the capital while he lived or give it away.. In that case the property reverts to the finance company.

@Ozanj

When a man has children he has to have a will in order for it to be left to his wife, otherwise money automatically goes to his children. And if there is a will then if it was written recently it can definitely be contested as him not being in the right state of mind or even being scammed by his new wife. Get proper legal advice. It’s worth paying for.

That’s not true, unless you’re not in England?

Happened in my family
My dads sister first husband died many years ago leaving her a huge 7 bed house with land and a very very profitable business and a large amount of cash
She was with her new partner for many years and he was like a father to her children
They married 3 years ago mainly for tax and inheritance reason
She then died about a year later and everything went to him
Less than 3 months after she died he had another women in the house
He won’t let any of the grown ups kids in and they are devastated that they aren’t able to get family pictures and jewellery from there mum
And if he marries her it will all go to her

It’s why I encouraged my parents when they were alive to make a will

@user1493035447

My mum died in 1993 and she clearly trusted my dad. It's very sad looking at how she dealt with things, she gave family members schedules of our activities and even bought out clothes for her funeral. My dad on the other hand just buried his head in the sand. I think the lying about a will was to get my granny off his back, but she could clearly see what would happen without one. Why he lied to us is incomprehensible to me. I think it is a word of warning g to everyone out there to write a fool proof will and even leave things to your children of that is what you ultimately want. It is a complete mess.

No Will is foolproof forever. Circumstances can change with life events.

When people remarry, it normally invalidates any previous will .

When one spouse dies, the survivor will almost certainly need to make a new Will.
Many people should make a new will when there's some big change in the wider family ( a beneficiary dies or gets divorced; grandchildren arrive, business goes bust, named Executor retires or dies)

 Our own  current Wills are the third  edition (over 45 years) .

Or it’s not a mess
And this is exactly how your dad wanted it
He was a grown man ,if your mum managed a secret policy ,do you not think he could of sorted this out if he wanted to ?
He’s done exactly what he wanted with his money
Not much you can do about it

This thread , and many of it's similar posts, just strengthens my own personal opinion.

Some people are fucking scum and spend their lives stealing the oxygen of decent folk.

Might sound harsh but we all know at least one.

I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful sounding mum and the pain caused by your disloyal father.

Utterly heartbreaking.

I only wish I knew how to help you.

Your Dad sounds like a manchild with learned helplessness who relied on everyone around him to baby him and take care of his needs, and who saw no further than the end of his nose (and perhaps another part of his anatomy.)

It's revolting that he let you cover half the repairs on his house knowing you thought you were helping to maintain a future asset. Or perhaps he just thought you loved him that much. Shame he couldn't be arsed to walk down the road to a solicitors office to show his love.

If I were you, he would have been edited out of the photo albums, out of everything. I'd just focus on getting my Mum's ashes back. He not only lied to his children and didn't provide for you when he easily could have, including when you were all dependents, but he disrespected your mother too. I don't think he deserves to be buried with her. "Oops, there's Dad at the back of the airing cupboard, just never got around to doing anything with his ashes I suppose." That would still be way less disrespectful than what he did to his family.

If you can't tell, I'm very pissed off for you So many waster parents in this world...

It's revolting that he let you cover half the repairs on his house knowing you thought you were helping to maintain a future asset.

This. Why did he accept money he didn't even need from his own child?

If I were you, he would have been edited out of the photo albums, out of everything. I'd just focus on getting my Mum's ashes back.

And I 100% agree with this. Sod him.

@Almostmenopausal

Sorry to ask so bluntly but it's not clear from your OP - is your Dad still alive???

The original post said twice, he's dead.

I think you have to reframe this. He hasn't done anything with your mothers house, it became his house almost 30 years ago.

So sorry for your upset, but have to say I'm inclined to agree with this PP. As you say your DM died in 1993, though I'm sure the pain of her loss is still with you, this has been his house for the last 28 years and even if she hadn't paid off the mortgage, he would have done so over that time. It was his home throughout not one but two subsequent marriages and although of course if you think that there has been illegalities then you should take legal advice about looking into that, otherwise I think this situation may well have been what he wanted and he just didn't want to tell you that. He's left his estate to his last wife as many husbands would - and many wives would expect. Sadly a man can move on from the loss of a wife more easily than a child can move on from the loss of their mother.

gosh.

just repeating this post below:

"If probate has been granted, you can see if your Dad left a will on the government website.
www.gov.uk/search-will-probate"

So either

1. there IS a will and you can see it - she can't stop that

or

1. there IS NOT a will in which case you have some claim to assets over £270 k.

Spend money on a good solicitor for your sister's sake if not your own.

"A mortgage doesn’t have to be the whole value, or even much of it, though. Depending on how long ago it was taken out, it could easily be only a small percentage of the original sum."

True.

Like a lot of us she trusted her husband to not cut out his children even if he did remarry.

@Bellringer

My fil just left everything to charity, cutting his family out. This went against mirror will with his wife who died first. She would be so upset. It's a horrible betrayal. Do get legal advice and never trust anyone, put it in writing.

You really have no idea what the couple privately agreed between them, should happen to their assets after the first died, or if the second died after all their children had grown up.

How long was DF married to his third wife?

A friend of mine went through something similar, her DF was incredibly wealthy, and left everything to the second wife, despite having assured his children that there would be provision for them and for his first wife to continue to receive maintenance of £1k a month.

Perhaps he told his second wife to ensure that, and she simply didn't.

Last year I had a conversation with my DC's father where he told me that "for simplicity'" he'd leave his house to his older child, but that she would "look after" her siblings. The siblings she openly resents and never contacts. I told him he was an idiot. He's not going swan around like Mr Beneficent in life only for my children to get shafted after he's gone. I'll tell him what a twat he is now.

Sympathies with you op. Similar thing happened to me, and it was having no access to old photo albums and the like which would have no interest or relevance to my step mother, but were part of my childhood, that really really hurt. My take on it was that he was an intelligent man and his actions were on purpose, but that I will never know the motives behind them. With so many step families nowadays I really think the law has to change and first families be recognised properly.

He kept telling all his family and friends how wealthy his wife was, and this is something I believed as I was aware she has at least 2 houses of her own

Makes you wonder how she got them doesn't it?

I'd like to think she really loved your DF, but since she'd already left him when he became ill that doesn't seem likely ... so maybe she's done this before?

there IS NOT a will in which case you have some claim to assets over £270k

Unfortunately jointly owned property (such as a house owned as joint tenants and assets with a specific named beneficiary like a pension or life insurance policy) will not be part of the sum total for intestacy and IHT purposes. So unless dad had other assets over £270k there won't be anything for his children.

This is awful. Your DF just wanted an easy life and the latest wife happened to be there. You do get women like this that prey on men with assets.

I would get a solicitor to write to her even if it got you nowhere. I would go to the house and demand your mums ashes. I would then write him out of your family history. No one remembering him would serve him right.

Sorry haven't read the full thread but wanted to help if I could.

Did your mum leave a will? Are you sure you weren't provided for under that.

If she died intestate then you should have inherited then.

Did your dad have a will with third wife ?(marriage cancels previous wills
So it is possible he had one with psychopath wife no 2). If no will again then you and your sister inherit half now above £270,000 (so wife gets £270k plus half of residual estate and all personal possessions). Obviously if he had a will leaving it all to her that's different but even then you should take legal advice to see your chances on contesting this. I really feel for you x

Sorry for your loss op.

It’s a bit much saying your dad was evil though because he left his property to his wife.