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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

490 replies

YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 19:53

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

OP posts:
Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 20:38

@XelaM

OP this is an i sane overreaction. Nothing actually happened! She was doing you a favour! 5 miles is not far at all. You're nuts
It's not a favour putting my child at risk Hmm
OP posts:
hibye123 · 08/11/2021 20:38

@BigSandyBalls2015

Do 9 year olds really have car seats these days Shock
I thought the same thing!! I had to Google it and Gov says legally kids have to use a car seat until they're 12 years old or 4"4 (whichever comes first.) So if you have a small child who's still under the age of 12 then they need to be in a car seat, I had no clue at all lol
trumpisagit · 08/11/2021 20:38

I am suprised she didn't put her own child in the seat with no seat belt, but apart from not lift sharing with her, doing anything else is pretty pointless.
She made a poor judgement call, but it's done now, and no one was hurt.

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 20:39

@BigSandyBalls2015

Do 9 year olds really have car seats these days Shock
My DD is very short, shorter than her friend who went (even though DD is older) and still needs a booster seat.

I won't call the police, but I'm so angry and she was so blasé I didn't know what else to do. She didn't think it was much of a problem Angry

OP posts:
HireStarter · 08/11/2021 20:39

I wouldn't report to police but I certainly wouldn't let my DD travel with them or have them be responsible for her again.

I also would never trust anyone elses car seat. A spare is unlikely to be treated well, it's possible their spare isn't safe. Only use your own.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 08/11/2021 20:40

Did you have it put with her on the phone op?

Was she apologetic?

You do know that the police won’t be interested don’t you?

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 20:40

And Hmm as "sort your own child out next time". Does letting someone else give your child a lift (as a returned favour might I add) allow them to put them in dangerous situations?

OP posts:
fancyfrogs · 08/11/2021 20:40

I'd be annoyed and wouldn't let her take her again but no way would I ring the police

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 20:41

@hibye123 I think DD will be in a booster seat til she's 12 as she's only 3'7" now!

OP posts:
Nishkin · 08/11/2021 20:41

If it’s only 5 miles why couldn’t she do two trips ( assuming two of the children could be left at school? )

In the 70’s my mum was a cub leader and my dad set off for a cub camp with three in the back seats and 2 sitting in the hatchback boot of the car.

We have commented that he would be prosecuted for that these days.

I would not transport any child without a seatbelt

PoppyMonth · 08/11/2021 20:42

I'd be really annoyed, but calling the police would be ott.

Just don't ever let her gift your daughter a lift.

MrTulkingIsFeelingHorny · 08/11/2021 20:42

OP, mine are long past that age now, but I would be very, very upset in your position. I wouldn't involve the police, but my child would never, ever go in a car again with someone who would do that.

If she really was desperate to get them to football (and in her situation, I'd have said football was off), she should have put her own child in the middle. It is completely unthinkable to do that with someone else's child.

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 08/11/2021 20:43

This exact thing happened to me today! Went to drive son's friend home and for some reason the belt just wouldn't work.

He held it in place and I drove really carefully.

If his Mum phoned the police on me I would be absolutely fucking gobsmacked.

What would my alternative have been? To make a 9 year old walk three miles home over fields in the pitch dark?

Your response is absolutely ridiculous.

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 20:43

If it’s only 5 miles why couldn’t she do two trips ( assuming two of the children could be left at school? )

Yes if this was me I'd try and find a way of leaving them at school or with another mum and do two trips and just make one of them a bit late for football!

OP posts:
Motherofking · 08/11/2021 20:44

I don’t think it’s right to be wasting police resources . You have already spoken to her , all I can say is don’t let your child in her car again .

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 20:45

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

This exact thing happened to me today! Went to drive son's friend home and for some reason the belt just wouldn't work.

He held it in place and I drove really carefully.

If his Mum phoned the police on me I would be absolutely fucking gobsmacked.

What would my alternative have been? To make a 9 year old walk three miles home over fields in the pitch dark?

Your response is absolutely ridiculous.

TBH that's insanely irresponsible like I say I wouldn't do it to a child let alone an adult. I'd think of something else or call on a favour. You don't think it's bad letting a child ride without a seatbelt (and you must know 'holding it in place' is pointless?)
OP posts:
megletthesecond · 08/11/2021 20:45

I doubt it would sour your relationship with other mums. I bet a few would cheer you on. I'd bloody love you for it.

I used to see some shocking driving on the school run and made sure my kids never went in certain cars.

AreYouRightThereSkippy · 08/11/2021 20:46

Oh god no. Don't report this to the police. You'll sound frankly a bit odd.

Don't let your dc go with her again obviously and tbh, I'd be very uncomfortable if I knew my dc had been in a car with no car seat...but your fury levels are way over the top by normal standards.

Bloodypunkrockers · 08/11/2021 20:46

I'm the same as everyone else

I wouldn't trust her with DD again but I wouldn't go to the police

Nishkin · 08/11/2021 20:46

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar I would have put my child in the seat with dodgy seatbelt rather than someone else’s child

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 08/11/2021 20:47

How old is her dd? I'm really surprised her child sat in a belted car seat whilst she thought it was fine for yours to have none. That's the bit I think is really off. You offered to bring your car seat it's obvious your feelings on car seats. And when did she realise the belt was broken?

I wouldn't report her but thats not because I wouldn't be livid more I wouldn't see the point. But I'd need to be talked down and no way my child would get in a car with her again

Wotagain · 08/11/2021 20:48

@YourFinestPantaloons

The bus point isn't a good point as buses tend to fare safer in crashes than Renault Twingos
But nothing happened did it? Just take responsibility for getting your own child to and from activities. End of drama.
Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 20:49

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

How old is her dd? I'm really surprised her child sat in a belted car seat whilst she thought it was fine for yours to have none. That's the bit I think is really off. You offered to bring your car seat it's obvious your feelings on car seats. And when did she realise the belt was broken?

I wouldn't report her but thats not because I wouldn't be livid more I wouldn't see the point. But I'd need to be talked down and no way my child would get in a car with her again

Her DD is also 9, and still using a high back booster
OP posts:
BoredZelda · 08/11/2021 20:49

I thought the same thing!! I had to Google it and Gov says legally kids have to use a car seat until they're 12 years old or 4"4 (whichever comes first.) So if you have a small child who's still under the age of 12 then they need to be in a car seat, I had no clue at all lol

Plenty of people don’t. My daughter was in a proper car seat until she was 10. None of her friends were. Only a few of them used a booster. Whenever her friends parents gave her a lift, we would say she needed it for her disability because otherwise they wouldn’t bother. I didn’t want to be that parent pointing out it was the law.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 08/11/2021 20:49

What in the honour of god value is there in a child holding a seatbelt together. Give me strength. I didn't do physics but surely you can work out that that's a waste of time?