To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

[YourFinestPantaloons]

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

I would be raging too and my DD is 12 and only just grown out of her HBB.
I wouldn’t bother reporting her to the police but my DD wouldn’t be going any where with her again and I would probably put the word around the playground as I wouldn’t be able to live with myself is she did this with another child and there was a accident.
She felt it’s okay for your DD to go in the middle no car seat and no belt whilst hers was in a car seat and belt she’s one cheeky cow!

Don't waste police time on this.

What do you want them to charge her with? A free lift home? An accident that didn't happen?

OK but you're not happy and things didn't go as planned. Sort your own arrangements to get your own child home next time.

I wouldn't report her to police but I would be f'ing furious. Anyone who says its only 5 miles is mental. I would never let anyone take a lift with this woman again. She should have either got someone else to take a child or made 2 journeys but having a child loose in the car was grossly irresponsible.

I can't believe you're considering calling the police over this. Which number, 999 or 111?

OP what PROOF do you have that this even happened?

Fair enough to be upset. There's no doubt it was a reckless thing to do.

Calling the police is ridiculous though, if anyone should give her a talking to that should probably just be you.

proof to present to the police that is.

I probably wouldn't let her travel again but talk of the police is a bit unhinged to be honest although it would give the parents something to gossip about.

The police will not 'ring her and have a word' as a previous poster suggested, for Christ's sake.

I'm glad you've confirmed you're not going to call them. No accident occurred and they don't have any proof this happened. They will not do anything, and it will just waste their time.

What she did wasn't right and you are absolutely not being unreasonable to be angry; I think it's likely she panicked and didn't know what to do to get all the kids from A to B. However, if she thought this was the solution she absolutely should have put her own child in the middle seat.

I think the police have much more important things to be dealing with tbh. I understand why you're angry but just don't let your DD travel with them again, simple. Move on.

Take your daughter yourself. And calm down!!

No harm, no foul. I'd advise moving on but just accept moving forwards that this mum is not someone whose judgement you trust. People's risk assessments vary.

Take putting a toddler in a forward facing seat as an example. If they're involved in a frontal collision at speed, they'll likely die due to the force exerted on the neck. But in reality, accidents like that are rare enough that many parents deem it as worth the risk and their kids usually don't die because they just never get involved in that sort of crash. As a 5 mile one-off, the odds of coming to harm were very, very small, and the mum judged the risk as acceptable for your DD at least. Just don't trust her to give lifts again.

I don't think I'd be chuffed either, obviously nobody sets out to have an accident but these things do happen and that's why we have searbelts and car seats as it keeps everyone safe in these situations.

The police unfortunately wouldn't entertain this at all, unless they caught her there is nothing they can do, I definitely wouldn't leave her in charge of my child again though, which is crap because we should be able to trust other parents woth our children's safety

Well, I imagine you tore a strip off her so she can reflect on that. A bad thing may have, but didn't happen so no need to escalate it further. Next match you'll know you need to take her yourself.

I'd be very pissed off too, op. But I really don't think you should call the police. Calm down, sleep on it. And never let her take your DD again

I also would never trust anyone elses car seat. A spare is unlikely to be treated well, it's possible their spare isn't safe. Only use your own.
I understand your point with harness seats, but, at this age the main point of a car seat is to be a booster so that the child's hips are in line with the belt. A grubby battered spare booster seat is going to be safer than nothing as it will position the child in the correct place for the seat belt.

If your 9 year old is really only 3ft 7 (109cm) are you seeing an endocrinologist about that? My 4 year old is 114cm and most of his peers are you daughters height.

OP's 9 yr old is under the height of an average 6yr old girl?

That is tiny.

I hope OP feels better soon.

Obviously reporting would be useless. I'd put her down as an irresponsible idiot never to be entrusted with my child's safety again. I'd tell my child never to go with her again. Maybe even refuse to go, if there's ever another time when they're asked to ride in a car without a seatbelt, assuming they're in a place where they can safely call me and wait for me to come get them.

I'd tell other parents I was friendly with and who I thought would appreciate a word of warning, then I'd distance myself from her, stop exchanging favours with her, and consider the job done.

It's done now, nothing to achieve by reporting her. Just make a note and refuse a lift next time.

For all those saying OP is massively overreacting and sounds unhinged etc etc., spend one minute watching this video of what happens to a 3 year old and 10 year old in the back seat of a car without a seatbelt in a 30mph crash.

As nothing happened this wouldn't have bothered me but I'd probably not trust her again.

If I'd been in her position, I'd have put your child in a seat with a belt and made mine take the risk I think.

I'd be absolutely fuming but I don't think the police would do anything. My child definitely wouldn't be going in that car again that's for sure!

Just don’t let her take your daughter again . She probably would have invalidated her insurance on that trip as well .

I would be angry as well but I dint think the police would do anything unless they caught her red handed

I would be furious, and I would tell her so in no uncertain terms.

I would also say that this is illegal.

However I wouldn’t contact the police.