To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

[YourFinestPantaloons]

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

You can get three seats in the back! She chose not too!

I’d give the shared lifts a miss.

I would be furious but wouldn't report her to the police. I would have nothing to do with her as regards lift sharing.

What a massive overreaction. I agree with @Wondergirl100, it wouldn’t really bother me either. Yes, it’s not ideal so I understand why you’re upset but I wouldn’t dream of reporting her, tell her your upset and that you expect your children to have the correct safety measures or that you will be contacted by all means but I wouldn’t stop her travelling with her grandchild over one incident which luckily ended safely.

Yes you need to calm down.

It certainly wasn't a great move on her part. What did you expect her to do in this situation though? Leave your DD at school?

Personally I would have made my own child sit in the unseatbelted seat, not another.

But reporting to the police ffs?

Just tell her you are cross. That's enough.

Don't lift share next time. But certainly no need to call the police.

Sorry I misread it as being the OP’s mum! Obviously ignore the grandparent part!

@Pinkchocolate what grandchild??

You really think being angry that someone let my child travel seatbelt-less is an over reaction?

A collision at 30mph would have killed DD

As if the police have the time to be arsing around with this sort of thing.

@YourFinestPantaloons

I don't know expect an arrest or anything but a talking to so she doesn't do anything so bloody stupid again!

So you think the police are going to take your word for it and on that basis, spare someone to go to her house to speak to her?

Think about it. The police would be running around like blue arsed flies, with people telling tales on each other or even making up lies.

What did you expect her to do in this situation though? Leave your DD at school?

If I had a broken seatbelt and 4 other people in the car, I don't know what id do but I know what I wouldnt do - drive all 4 people somewhere. I wouldn't even let an adult drive in my car with a broken seatbelt let alone a child

I don't think there is any point in telling the police.

I would never let her take your dd anywhere again, and I wouldn't be shy about telling other mums so they dont either.

The fact that she gave her own dc seat belts and expected your to go without is astonishing.

Ridiculous to call the police. Just don't lift share again and tell her why. Job done.

Cal.m yourself down and don't let them drive them again, no point reporting to police.

Unless they catch them in the offense it's heresay.

But you don't care if anyone says you are being unreasonable so why post it.

@YourFinestPantaloons to be clear I don't mean it doesn't bother me at all - I just mean that if it had already happened as a one off I wouldn't be dwelling on it. It's v shit of the mum but what's done is done.

Tell her that next time if she doesn’t have a working seat belt, she can just leave your child at school and you’ll sort it out.

I would go mental
And that would be it on giving my child a lift.

There’s no evidence except the word of a child. If it’s something you know she does regularly personally I’d have a word with her about it but I have worked in traffic prosecutions as a civilian member of staff.

[quote YourFinestPantaloons]@Pinkchocolate what grandchild??

You really think being angry that someone let my child travel seatbelt-less is an over reaction?

A collision at 30mph would have killed DD[/quote]
As I explained I misread it as YOUR mum hence the grandchild comment.
I agree it was dangerous but I think reporting her to the police would be a massive over reaction. It’s a shit thing to do but not one that was done with any malice or ill intention and your DD is luckily safe and well so I don’t see what would be gained.

Don't quote me on this but I believe that if there isn't a middle seat then you are allowed by law to travel without belt. Not sure that applies if it's broken.
Would I be furious in situation? Possibly, but equally I know these things happen. I think I would just ignore and not ask her to pick up again.

I’d be angry. Not sure what reporting it to the police is going to achieve.

Don’t call the police. I suspect you’ve made your point and there won’t be a repeat

"Shall I ring the police? !!! " Seriously, take about a waste of emergency services time, its too late now, what do you expect them to do now your daughter is home safe and well ! They have not got enough resources to go and sit and have a chat about something thats already occurred. Just ring her up and tell her yourself !

Don't quote me on this but I believe that if there isn't a middle seat then you are allowed by law to travel without belt.

You believe wrong

I can understand you being annoyed but it’s not a Police matter. They are on their knees and will not be in the least bit interested. They will not go and warn her. Just don’t allow her to transport your children again.

@YourFinestPantaloons
Just leave the lift share arrangement and take responsibility for getting your daughter to her activities.