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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

490 replies

YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 19:53

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

OP posts:
Gardenlass · 09/11/2021 11:19

38FatBettyintheCoop

Gardenlass

Would you be so horrified and angry if your friend had taken your daughter on a bus?

Er what? It’s not the mode of transport that’s the issue.

Are you normally so obtuse or are you simply desperate to find another angle to have a go at the OP?

Your point is utterly irrelevant and hopefully no-one else relies on you to assess risk on their behalf, as your ability to apply rational logic to the problem appears to be rather flawed

No, I'm not at all obtuse as it happens. My point is that there are no seatbelts on buses. They are just as likely to have an accident as a car. So if the OP is so angry at her daughter travelling in a car without a seatbelt, why wouldn't she be equally outraged at people travelling on buses without one?
It's no different from other people saying 'what if she was travelling on a motorway?' Or any of the other 'what if' scenarios.
Or are you too obtuse to see that?

JustLyra · 09/11/2021 11:19

Never driven them down a motorway at 70mph?
Because a strapped in child in a car crash at 70mph is fare more likely to result in death than an unsecured one at 25mph.

I’d love to see your statistics for that announcement

rrhuth · 09/11/2021 11:21

The actual risk posed by this event was not that high compared to many other things we all happily do with our children This is a really weird take.

My friends mum used to cram an extra one or two of us in the car in the footwells to run us all down the road together wtf has that got to do with anything? Times change.

Wotagain · 09/11/2021 11:22

In the situation yesterday I'd have skipped football practice.
Yes you are right, she should have called you, and left your child at school, and then just taken her own, and then you would have been able to sort it out.

rrhuth · 09/11/2021 11:23

My point is that there are no seatbelts on buses. They are just as likely to have an accident as a car.

Hmm would like some evidence for 'just as likely' please.

clartins · 09/11/2021 11:23

@Mythreeknights

It's not ideal but you need to chill out. Last week my son turned up unexpectedly at the bus stop having taken an earlier bus from school, and he squished into the boot of the carpool which didn't have space for him and he did the 9 miles lying on his back. But much better than being left at the bus stop! She took a calculated risk, your daughter was fine. Change your car pool if you don't like it.

However, IIRC, it's illegal for a car to have a non-functioning seat belt - the car would fail its MOT, so she does need to get it fixed ASAP.

You’re far more laid back than me. I’d be furious with whoever was driving and my DS would get an ear bashing too. I’d rather they were at the bus stop.
user1497207191 · 09/11/2021 11:24

The police wouldn't be remotely interested anyway. We've reported a neighbour several times for drink driving and they've done bugger all about it, so if they can't be arsed to even come out for a persistent drink driver, they'll not bother for a seat belt matter.

FindingMeno · 09/11/2021 11:26

I can understand your anger but going to the police is daft and pointless and nasty.

footiemum3 · 09/11/2021 11:27

I’d be angry and never let my child travel with them again. The police will not have time to deal with it, reporting it is a waste of yours and the polices time.

Member869894 · 09/11/2021 11:28

'My friends mum used to cram an extra one or two of us in the car in the footwells to run us all down the road together'

I've done this on occasion with my own and other's kids. Shoot me now

aSofaNearYou · 09/11/2021 11:33

@rrhuth

The actual risk posed by this event was not that high compared to many other things we all happily do with our children This is a really weird take.

My friends mum used to cram an extra one or two of us in the car in the footwells to run us all down the road together wtf has that got to do with anything? Times change.

It's not a weird take, it's a very obvious and straightforward take many have explained in great detail in this thread. Statistically, the chances of an accident, much less a fatal accident, under the circumstances provided and as a one off, was lower than lots of other things we gladly do with children.
JustLyra · 09/11/2021 11:33

@Member869894

'My friends mum used to cram an extra one or two of us in the car in the footwells to run us all down the road together'

I've done this on occasion with my own and other's kids. Shoot me now

If the other parents know then that’s on you all.

If the don’t that’s about appalling decision to make with someone else’s kid

derxa · 09/11/2021 11:34

Very entertaining

LizzieW1969 · 09/11/2021 11:40

I’d definitely be annoyed about this and wouldn’t trust that mum to take my child in her car again. But I wouldn’t report her to the police or tell the other parents. That would be an overreaction IMO.

SpeckledFrogsLog · 09/11/2021 11:41

This thread has made me laugh! OP you should have posted a reverse:

"I've agreed to take my friends daughter to football but my middle seatbelt has broken. WIBU to take her without one?"

I'd love to see how many posters would say it's no big deal then. Mumsnet: the home of contrarians!

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 11:52

@Bookworm20 she had the option not to go, or to call me, or to cadge a lift elsewhere - driving was NOT the only option. It was a football practice not a trip to A&E

OP posts:
Katyppp · 09/11/2021 12:01

I don't think anyone is hankering back to the glory days of children travelling unbelted in seatwells or boots.
But it's te lack of judgement and perspective in this thread that I am struggling with.
Also the apparent lack of ability to assess a risk in a sensible way is massively apparent on here.
Yes, we all know it's the law and everybody on MN is very law-abiding when it comes to pointing the figure at others.
OP, you clearly think this overblown episode somehow makes you a superior parent, so well done.
As an aside, is it only on MN that 9 and even 12-year-olds are still in car seats? I don't know anyone in real life that uses car seats beyond reception age!
Yes, we all k ow it

LittleMysSister · 09/11/2021 12:05

OP she's obviously just been stressed and made a poor decision in the heat of the moment, particularly as she had 2 other sets of parents expecting her to get their children to football. She would likely not have offered a lift to both children if she had remembered/knew her seatbelt didn't work.

Most people are not saying it's fine but luckily everything worked out OK and now you can just not let your daughter travel with her again.

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 12:07

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

Did she worsen the risk though, or just try to muddle through the best she could in a time-pressured situation? A wee bit of understanding never really goes amiss. It doesn't make for quite such a dramatic thread though.
She worsened the risk. You must know that not wearing a seabelt carries a risk?
OP posts:
Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 12:08

@Fomomofo

I'm sure skiing is more dangerous statistically
It maybe is but not sure how this is relevant to the thread ConfusedGrin
OP posts:
Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 12:09

@Wotagain

In the situation yesterday I'd have skipped football practice. Yes you are right, she should have called you, and left your child at school, and then just taken her own, and then you would have been able to sort it out.
I'd have preferred that TBH, DD could've gone to after school club
OP posts:
BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 09/11/2021 12:12

Yes but the way you're saying it implies she made a controlled decision to put your child in danger, when the reality is more likely that her brain went,

'Oh shit, the bloody seatbelt isn't working, and they're all in there now, what's the best thing to do? Football starts in ten minutes. Shit, right well I'll just go as carefully as I can, and I really have to get that seat belt sorted. Right kids just sit still as you can, we'll be there in five minutes. Has everyone got their stuff?"

Nobody is perfect (well, barring many many parents on MN) that's why I'm saying a wee bit of human understanding goes a long way.

theresapossuminthekitchen · 09/11/2021 12:16

I wouldn’t report to the police either but I would be livid. If I was in this situation, and missing football was not an option, it would be my kid with no seatbelt and I’d hate every moment of it. Especially in the middle seat! Straight through the windscreen if there was an accident - I’m shocked we still have people who don’t realise how dangerous this is.

Katyppp · 09/11/2021 12:16

Exactly, @BlameItOnTheBlackStar.
Except that's not enough for the OP, who clearly is convinced she is in the right and just came on here to rant Grin

HitchhikersGuide · 09/11/2021 12:24

I would never have done this, and if I had had a moment of madness, it would have been my own DC I would have put in the risky middle seat BUT... The police??? Just no.

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