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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

490 replies

YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 19:53

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

OP posts:
ThistlesAndUnicorns · 09/11/2021 09:47

I can't believe people are so blase about this! I would be absolutely livid if someone put my child at risk like that! I'd rather the parent just told me they couldn't safely provide a lift, I'd then be able to make the informed decision that my child would simply miss football if I was unable to do it myself.

I probably wouldn't call the police but it would definitely cross my mind when I first found out. The other Mum driving slowly on a quiet road doesn't mean some idiot won't be driving fast or not paying attention on the same road resulting in a collision.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 09/11/2021 09:47

YABU. But dont let her give any lifts again.

ddl1 · 09/11/2021 09:48

I don't think the police would do anything about it. Just don't allow your child to ride in a car with her in the future.

FlatCheese · 09/11/2021 09:49

Police (as most people have said) will probably not do anything.

I would make sure that the other football parents know what happened though. Their reaction will let you know their attitude to car safety as well. If they think it's fine then you know not to lift share with them either. If she'd been very apologetic then that would be one thing, but the fact that she didn't think she'd done anything wrong would definitely ring alarm bells for me.

There might not have been car seats or seatbelts in the 70s, but there were a lot fewer cars on the road and the people who were in accidents then aren't here to tell us that they're all "fine". Survivor bias at its finest.

Dguu6u · 09/11/2021 09:54

Wow, lots of stupid people on here. OP you are right to feel like this.

A person in the back seat without a seatbelt will also become a danger to everyone else in the car if it crashes:

Wheelz46 · 09/11/2021 09:54

I can't believe some of the comments I have been reading about the safety of a 9 year old, some of the responses are horrifying. Are these seriously peoples views or is it to provoke a reaction?

Stop being dramatic!
Your kid is fine!
Don't see these kind of accidents in A&E!
Why is a 9 year old sitting on a car seat?
Take your kid to the doctors because she is short!

How is OP being dramatic? Her child was driven a distance without a secure seat belt? Just because something didn't happen, doesn't mean it couldn't have happened! What would your views be if it was worse case scenario, would you still tell OP not to be so dramatic?

People really should not be allowed to drive if they don't know the laws! It's law to wear a seat belt, it's law to have a car seat until you reach a certain height or 12 years old, whichever comes first. You break the law, you suffer the consequences!

Kids come in all shapes and sizes, telling OP they need to take their kid to the doctors because they are not average height, seriously? My eldest is above average height, should I take him to the doctors because you think he is a giant? These are the same people saying don't waste police time but you are happy go tell OP to waste the time of the doctors 🙄

Times change, we learn and adapt just because little Joey in 1970 sat in the boot or the footwell, doesn't make it right does it!

DirtyDancing · 09/11/2021 09:54

I am with you. It's utterly irresponsible & no child's life is worth the risk for a football match.

I wouldn't report her, but she wouldn't be taking my child anywhere again. I would drum it into my child, never to go in a car without a belt too.

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 09/11/2021 09:59

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Gardenlass · 09/11/2021 10:00

Would you be so horrified and angry if your friend had taken your daughter on a bus?

Hugoslavia · 09/11/2021 10:02

She was trying to do you a favour. She was under pressure to get the kids there on time (including yours) and upon realising the seatbelt didn't work, panicked and made a poor judgement call. Ideally she should have called you and left him behind (although I'm guessing that you wouldn't have been happy with that either). You've already called and reprimanded her. What more do you want? To get her banned from driving/to get her fined?/points on her license? Get over it, lesson learned and don't share lifts with her again.

ColinTheKoala · 09/11/2021 10:02

I would make sure that the other football parents know what happened though

No, you don't do this.

The OP can make her own choices for her own child but she has no right to start making the other mum's name mud with other parents.

Hugoslavia · 09/11/2021 10:02

Sorry, her not him. Typo.

CatJumperTwat · 09/11/2021 10:10

I agree with you OP but this level of rage isn't healthy for you. You don't need to keep replying to people who are just enjoying the fight.

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 10:10

I am friends with a few of the football mums and absolutely will be telling them about this. What's wrong with that?
Disclaimer: I don't care if I'm seen as a grass and would find any adult who uses this term to be someone I'd never want to associate with

OP posts:
octopusrus · 09/11/2021 10:19

Nobody has replied to the query of why the driver didn't put one of her own children in the seat with the missing seatbelt?

Also why do people keep talking about car seats, it's not the issue here as there was no seatbelt!

Wheelz46 · 09/11/2021 10:21

I agree with you OP I would tell the other parents too.

To the posters who don't agree what if said parent continues breaking the law and something happens with someone else's kid, would you point fingers at the OP for not giving the other parents the heads up?

HeartvsBrain · 09/11/2021 10:25

@ThistlesAndUnicorns

I can't believe people are so blase about this! I would be absolutely livid if someone put my child at risk like that! I'd rather the parent just told me they couldn't safely provide a lift, I'd then be able to make the informed decision that my child would simply miss football if I was unable to do it myself.

I probably wouldn't call the police but it would definitely cross my mind when I first found out. The other Mum driving slowly on a quiet road doesn't mean some idiot won't be driving fast or not paying attention on the same road resulting in a collision.

^^ This, absolutely this - except I would call the police!
whynotwhatknot · 09/11/2021 10:26

I would tell everyone-she knew she didnt have the seat and the belt wasnt working its obvious

as for ops child being small i and my family are shorter than average my niece wil probabl be in a car seat till shes 12-its not unusual or a health concern

Kitkat151 · 09/11/2021 10:26

@Wheelz46

I agree with you OP I would tell the other parents too.

To the posters who don't agree what if said parent continues breaking the law and something happens with someone else's kid, would you point fingers at the OP for not giving the other parents the heads up?

Lots of PP don’t seem to give a shit ....in fact @BlameItOnTheBlackStar posted to say she had done the very same thing yesterday with someone else’s child ( she made sure her own kid was strapped in 🙄) .... so fucking proud of herself she was that she posted loads of messages to tell us all
Porcupineintherough · 09/11/2021 10:28

@ColinTheKoala

I would make sure that the other football parents know what happened though

No, you don't do this.

The OP can make her own choices for her own child but she has no right to start making the other mum's name mud with other parents.

I think it's only fair to warn them that any lifts from this woman will involve their child being unsecured in the back of her car actually. Then they can make an informed choice about whether the risk is as negligible to them as it is to many of the posters on here.
Bookworm20 · 09/11/2021 10:32

I honestly think you are over reacting. It was 5 miles, low speed and the chances of anything happening are more remote than you winning the lottery.
I think if you start bitching about it to the other mums you'll be the one looking like an idiot. If she'd taken her down the motorway at 70mph, totally different. But the situation was such that the seatbelt wasn't working correctly and she had to transport 4 children to football, one of them being yours. So a judgement call had to be made.

Of course the situation isn't ideal. But have you never found yourself in a situation where you've had to make a judgement call? If you haven't then you've had a very stress free life.

But you can apply that to everyday things. Are you saying you won't let DD go swimming with her friends because there is a small risk she may fall, hit her head and drown?

Is she not allowed out on her bike on the road? In case a car hits into her?

Is she not allowed boiled sweets? In case she chokes on one?

Is she not allowed in an airplane? Because it might crash and lets face it the seat belt in there isn't going to do a huge amount.

Is she not allowed on a roller coaster, in case the bar fails and falls out?

The list is endless.

Its called risk assessing and summing up the likelihood of something happening against the need to do something.

Child with no seatbelt, 20-30mph, quiet roads for 5 miles = risk of accident (very low) risk of death if accident (low)

child riding bike on rode for 2 miles = risk of accident (low) risk of death if accident (high)

I think you just need to put it in perspective before you start moaning about her to other mums. She did you a favour, she had to make a judgement call, your DD is fine.

aSofaNearYou · 09/11/2021 10:36

I think it's only fair to warn them that any lifts from this woman will involve their child being unsecured in the back of her car actually.

Not any lift, that's an exaggeration, just possibly some IF she can see no other option.

FatBettyintheCoop · 09/11/2021 10:38

@Gardenlass

Would you be so horrified and angry if your friend had taken your daughter on a bus?
Er what? It’s not the mode of transport that’s the issue. Confused

Are you normally so obtuse or are you simply desperate to find another angle to have a go at the OP?

Your point is utterly irrelevant and hopefully no-one else relies on you to assess risk on their behalf, as your ability to apply rational logic to the problem appears to be rather flawed. Hmm

fournonblondes · 09/11/2021 10:38

Take your child yourself.

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 10:40

@fournonblondes

Take your child yourself.
@fournonblondes just trying to understand your comment - are you saying it's ok for parents to put other people's children at risk on the basis that they should've taken their child themselves?
OP posts:
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