To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

[YourFinestPantaloons]

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

I too remember being driven about with no seatbelts, but there were far less cars on the roads back then so I would imagine less chance of being involved in a collision. Lots of things were acceptable then and not now for good reasons.

If the OP had posted saying her daughter had been in a RTC with exactly the same set of circumstances would everyone still be saying she's overreacting? Taking chances with the safety of other peoples children is unacceptable, especially whilst maintaining the safety of your own. The fact that the OP specifically offered her car seat surely should have alerted the driver to the fact that she would not be ok with this.

@PiglingBlonde

https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/732446.nurse-jailed-eastern-bypass-crash/

This accident happened where I grew up. It was astonishing how many people minimised the accident, blamed the parents of the children for allowing them to have a lift, blamed the driver coming the other way even though they crashed straight into him rather than acknowledge that perhaps their driving in the past had been less than perfect.

Jesus that's awful (and a horribly graphic read). But hey, Susan over their used to sit in the footwell so fuck safety

If you knew she had a twingo then surely you’d know there wouldn’t be room for 3 car seats in the rear.

What do actually expect the police to do? March her off to prison whilst you bask in a glow of righteous indignation?

Should she have told you about the seat situation? Obviously but finding herself without adequate seat belts did you want her to leave some children behind? The risk of five miles in teh back of a car without a seat belt is a lot lower.

You have obviously discussed the matter with her as you say she confirmed the seatbelt situation. So the lesson you learn is don't take lifts from this person in the future.

Reporting to the police is somewhat of an overreaction.

@Sally090807

You mentioned a Renault twingo, this car only has 2 rear seats!

It was more a smart arse facetious comment because the Twingo is notoriously naff. I don't actually know what she drives, only that it's red and the same shape as my C-max

I'm an experienced paramedics.

Well maintained modern cars are extremely safe, but all the safety mechanisms in them rely on one simple fact, that every occupant in the car is secured where they are supposed to be.

I've seen people who have been ejected from vehicles, people who have bullseyed windscreens with their heads and people who have derailed the seat in front of them crushing the person in it.

Not wearing a seatbelt, or not putting a seatbelt on a child is NEVER okay.

No need to cause any further aggravations (Which will back fire on you with the other parents, yes she was wrong but no one likes a grass) do you want to be known as the local grass

Honestly I couldn't give a fuck what other parents think of me or if I'm considered a 'grass' because im a grown woman and not 13 years old.

It's very liberating, I can highly recommend it

@Guavaf1sh

Don’t call the police. It will achieve nothing except you being hated by all the other parents and laughed at by children. Your poor daughter will be ostracised and for what?!

I don't know what kind of scummy schools you're used to but the kids on my DD's school wouldn't ostracise based on their parents there's been huge fall outs between parents before and kids are still pally as hell.

It's unsafe and illegal, I get that but I was a kid in the 90s and one of our cars didn't even have seat belts!

@thevassal

Wouldn't call the police as pps said they won't do anything.

Couldn't she have stretched one of the side seat belts over so it also covered the child in the middle? They can stretch pretty far if neither child is in a car seat. I've done that to transport a tv before! Would have been better than nothing! But really really cheeky to make your kid sit in the middle seat and not her own!

The kids either side of my DD were both in car seats.

At the risk of drip feeding, I work in the school opposite my DD's school. It's literally a 30 second trip across the road. So the other mum could have easily contacted me if she wanted to

@JingsMahBucket

Why does a 9 year old need a car seat?

www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/wearing-seat-belt-and-exemptions#toc-0

I would be upset and pissed off but no I wouldn’t call the police. It would be utterly pointless, I just wouldn’t let my child travel with her again.

@MangoIce

No, a 12 yo should not be in a car seat. Bit odd that a 9yo is still in one.

You understand it's the law, yes?

Has she seen a doctor regarding how she is the height of a 6yo? Her tiny height (and possibly weight) might delay or not start puberty.

No, she's absolutely healthy and fine. She has short families on both sides, that's all.

Although I did measure her this morning - first time in maybe 3 months - and she was chuffed to find shes now 3'9"!

What kind of awful parent would take their healthy child to the GP because she's short. I don't like giving my kids complexes thanks

Obviously but finding herself without adequate seat belts did you want her to leave some children behind?

No, I wanted her to not drive anywhere until she found a solution.

I'd never dream of driving an adult in my car with a broken seatbelt let alone a child

@HailAdrian

It's unsafe and illegal, I get that but I was a kid in the 90s and one of our cars didn't even have seat belts!

I was also a kid on the 90's and cars very much did have seatbelts

Alot of advice here has been to NOT call the police but it's not really been any good to you, OP because you're still foaming at the mouth.

We've tried calming you down so please go ahead and call the police.

Surely the fact that an accident didn't happen isn't the point. No accidents happen - until they do. That's why it's important to keep yourself and everyone else as safe as possible. There is at least one serious collision every year on the main road running through the area where I live - a road with a 30mph speed limit. I can't imagine that a single one of those people involved thought it would happen.

As for risk assessment - let the parent of the child make that decision. A quick call or text before they set off was all that was needed. But then, oh dear, they might have been late for football practice ...

OP, you are getting harsh and some ridiculous replies on here-but mostly because the title of your AIBU and opening post are quite extreme.

Would you be unreasonable to call the police? Absolutely yes you would...waste of their time and a bit of an over reaction.

Would you be unreasonable to complain to the other mother and not let your DD go in their car again? Absolutely not and I think it's quite reasonable to be annoyed. But therein would end most people's reaction.

This does remind me of the recent bicycle helmet thread where an OP was concerned about her niece cycling to school without a helmet. Cue loads of posters saying a helmet only stopped injury at low speed low impact crashes and anything high speed with a car wouldn't stop a head injury....so logically it's not worth wearing a helmet 🙄. Madness!

@Singleorigincoffee

Alot of advice here has been to NOT call the police but it's not really been any good to you, OP because you're still foaming at the mouth.

We've tried calming you down so please go ahead and call the police.

I'm not reporting to the police as I've said.

But I'm responding to ridiculous comments that I'm overreacting in general because nothing happened. Am I supposed to simper and be grateful for the moronic comments asking why a child needs a car seat?

She shouldn't have done it, but I hope you've told your DD to refuse to get into a car if there isn't a working seatbelt/booster for her.

@HarrietsChariot

She shouldn't have done it, but I hope you've told your DD to refuse to get into a car if there isn't a working seatbelt/booster for her.

She's 9, an adult told her it's fine, it's not up to my DD to school adults or stand up to irresponsible motorists

I know your issue is mostly with the lack of seatbelt, but incase you’re ever in a situation again where another parent is giving your DD a lift, I came across these fold away booster seats. Might be worth having one packed in DD’s bag for short journeys in other cars. www.boots.com/mifold-the-grab-and-go-child-restraint-slate-grey--10280819?%3Fcm_mmc=BUK-FBIG--Baby--DPA--P3BabyProspecting&utm_source=buk-fbig&utm_medium=baby&utm_campaign=daba&utm_term=p3babyprospecting&fbclid=IwAR07CJXMe2meM7UI59Gazs0T4l52CdP6obTkLVOSsDNKFEgXzVcCfUJsDpU_aem_AZrZMupPR87U6d5q5-47ic8EmUUO2LmE7lweutPZjj6hbawiEJEtFZnbF49OlJvfBoPJWbM8aHY2uN7mfE1JCMZKcGjzrMOIi8ILVb_IGxJWAnyrwSPNU-Vqzge9f1LUVE

@YourFinestPantaloons

Obviously but finding herself without adequate seat belts did you want her to leave some children behind?

No, I wanted her to not drive anywhere until she found a solution.

I'd never dream of driving an adult in my car with a broken seatbelt let alone a child

On the contrary, I wouldn't think twice about doing a small journey in a push with an adult not wearing a seatbelt, in all honesty.

People have vastly different opinions on the risks involved in this sort of thing OP but I don't think it would hurt to understand that the people who think differently to you are not evil people, they just don't view the risk as as concerning as you.

YANBU

Yes, I’d report the incident to the police. What she did was reckless and she needs to understand and acknowledge that.

At the moment, she clearly thinks it’s fine because nothing happened and she thinks she was doing your favour so that’s ok then.

I’d rather my child miss the activity than travel in the middle of the back seat of a car with no working seatbelt on.

She presumably knew the seatbelt wasn’t working properly when she offered to drive 4 children in her car to football practice. She knew one of them would have to sit in the middle with no seatbelt on and the child wouldn’t have an opportunity to object.

She deliberately chose your child rather than her own to bear the brunt of the risk. Who the fuck does that??

I can’t imagine any of my friends doing such a stupid and reckless thing but anyone that uses words like ‘being a grass’ isn't the sort of company I’d choose to keep so I wouldn’t give a stuff, if you thought that.

The number of posters on here who don’t know the law around child car seats and also minimising this incident is incredibly shocking especially given the large percentage who must be parents to young children.