Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this mum to the police - let my DD ride without a seatbelt

490 replies

YourFinestPantaloons · 08/11/2021 19:53

DD (9) attends football and another mum from school (whose DD also is part of the club) offered to take them to football practice after school tonight.

I said yes, and had no reason not to trust her, I'd taken her DD before. I said shall I leave a car seat at school reception - she said no, they have a spare they will bring.

It turns out that not only did they forget the spare car seat, the seatbelt in the back (middle) wasn't working. She was giving another child a lift, meaning 4 children in total (including her 2 DC) were in the car. She made DD, as the oldest, sit in the middle in the back and drove 5 miles with no seatbelt on and no car seat.

I'm absolutely furious. I rang her after DD grassed and she said they were running late and didn't want to call me at work and couldn't think of another way to get to football, and it's '5 miles of quiet road'.

WIBU to report her to the police or should I calm down? I'm so angry, I would not be going to football if this was me, they'd have to skip a week, I can't believe she put my DD at risk.

OP posts:
Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 10:43

But have you never found yourself in a situation where you've had to make a judgement call?

Of course but I've never once put another child's life in danger as part of that call

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 09/11/2021 10:46

@fournonblondes

Take your child yourself.
Another fuckwit post 🙄
aSofaNearYou · 09/11/2021 10:49

are you saying it's ok for parents to put other people's children at risk on the basis that they should've taken their child themselves?

OP your language makes it impossible for anybody to disagree with you, you are presenting a a fait accompli.

The answer to the above question is obviously no, but many disagree with you that this posed a significant risk.

Bookworm20 · 09/11/2021 10:52

@YourFinestPantaloons

But have you never found yourself in a situation where you've had to make a judgement call?

Of course but I've never once put another child's life in danger as part of that call

Are you sure?

Never done a single thing that involves someone elses child?

Never taken them on a day out with your DC? Watched them every single second they have been in your home playing with your DD?

Never driven them down a motorway at 70mph?
Because a strapped in child in a car crash at 70mph is fare more likely to result in death than an unsecured one at 25mph.

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 10:52

@aSofaNearYou I'm just trying to understand how 'take your child yourself' excuses someone else putting her in danger - because my perception is the at that's what seems to be suggested with that comment

OP posts:
Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 10:54

@Bookworm20 you're being obtuse now - anything I did with it her people's children ensured their utmost safety. I don't think I've ever taken other people's kids in the motorway IIRC but if I did, I'd drive safely, check traffic and weather, and ensure everyone was in the appropriate car seats.

That's VERY different from knowingly cutting corners when it comes to other children's safety for very little reason or need.

In the situation yesterday I'd have skipped football practice.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 09/11/2021 10:56

You’ve worked yourself up into a right old lather. I would wait 24 hours before doing anything on this / say anything to the mum or others in your community or you may look back and cringe.

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 09/11/2021 10:56

The bee you have in your bonnet about me is becoming a bit cringey @Kitkat151

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 09/11/2021 10:58

Whatever you do @Bookworm20 don't try to be reasoned and see it from a range of angles. That normal sort of response just isn't the done thing round here as far as I can see.

Mythreeknights · 09/11/2021 10:58

It's not ideal but you need to chill out. Last week my son turned up unexpectedly at the bus stop having taken an earlier bus from school, and he squished into the boot of the carpool which didn't have space for him and he did the 9 miles lying on his back. But much better than being left at the bus stop! She took a calculated risk, your daughter was fine. Change your car pool if you don't like it.

However, IIRC, it's illegal for a car to have a non-functioning seat belt - the car would fail its MOT, so she does need to get it fixed ASAP.

LannieDuck · 09/11/2021 11:00

I'm amazed you're getting so many people saying you're unreasonable. You're definitely not.

If the other mum thought it was ok for someone's kids to go without a seatbelt, it should have been her kid (who's also taller!). Why wouldn't she take the risk with her own child's safety, but it was ok for yours?

LuckyHindleyBells · 09/11/2021 11:00

Op, you've now posted 65 messages on this thread and probably best to let it go. Some people will agree with you, many won't, you can't expect everyone to enrage as much as you do, people are different. I certainly wouldn't call the police or bad mouth the mum to others. Even if I didn't care about what she thought. It's not healthy to be so angry for so long...

Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/11/2021 11:01

For gods sake
Police is excessive
Just don’t ask for lifts anymore

Overreaction much

Porcupineintherough · 09/11/2021 11:02

@Mythreeknights so why do you suppose the other mum didnt take the "calculated risk" with one of her kids?

Bookworm20 · 09/11/2021 11:02

@YourFinestPantaloons
I'm not being obtuse, I'm pointing out a fact.
But you seem set on being right that this woman put your child in extreme danger of death. She may as well have hung her over a cliff edge by her hair by the way you are going on.

I'll leave you up there on your high horse.

I don't think I've ever taken other people's kids in the motorway IIRC but if I did, I'd drive safely, check traffic and weather, and ensure everyone was in the appropriate car seats.
Oh but in response to an earlier comment of yours. But what about the other idiots on the road!
*If you've so much as given another child a lift at speeds of 60mph or over, you have most definitely subconsiously risk assessed and decided the risk of an accident is outweighed by the need to get somewhere. The risk of death is much higher in an accident at 60mph or over while wearing seat belts and in car seats, than one at 25-30mph unrestrained.

So if you think for one fraction of a second. if you have given another child a ride anywhere over this speed, you have put their child in much more danger than she put yours in going 5 miles on quiet roads to football club.

Mythreeknights · 09/11/2021 11:04

porcupine presumably because my child was unexpected!

Original poster
YourFinestPantaloons · 09/11/2021 11:04

The point is I'd never increase the danger - we all make small risks every day for the benefit of getting places, which is fine and part of life, but to actually worsen the risk is another issue entirely. Do you understand that?

OP posts:
LittleMysSister · 09/11/2021 11:07

I can see why you're not happy OP but I'd just not let your child travel with this woman again and leave it at that.

She made a call given the options available to her at the time and took a chance. Luckily nothing happened, and there is no need for your daughter to ride with her again.

Just count your lucky stars and leave it at that.

Bookworm20 · 09/11/2021 11:08

@YourFinestPantaloons

The point is I'd never increase the danger - we all make small risks every day for the benefit of getting places, which is fine and part of life, but to actually worsen the risk is another issue entirely. Do you understand that?
The seatbelt didn't work so she drove slowly and carefully.

I'd say she had no option so the risk was mitigated by the slowly and carefully part.

But you carry on being perfect. And tell her next time to just leave your kid alone at the school. Much more safe.

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 09/11/2021 11:09

Did she worsen the risk though, or just try to muddle through the best she could in a time-pressured situation? A wee bit of understanding never really goes amiss. It doesn't make for quite such a dramatic thread though.

Fomomofo · 09/11/2021 11:09

Cars are inherently dangerous, I prefer the bus

aSofaNearYou · 09/11/2021 11:10

[quote YourFinestPantaloons]@aSofaNearYou I'm just trying to understand how 'take your child yourself' excuses someone else putting her in danger - because my perception is the at that's what seems to be suggested with that comment [/quote]
With respect, it seems like you are the one being obtuse, but I think perhaps it's just because you are very set in your perception that this was extremely dangerous.

If you take away the idea that that is absolute fact, it's very obvious what people are saying. The actual risk posed by this event was not that high compared to many other things we all happily do with our children, so your level of vitriol towards her comes across as ungrateful. With that in mind, if you are this bothered by her decision, then you should take her yourself.

Fomomofo · 09/11/2021 11:14

I'm sure skiing is more dangerous statistically

LittleMysSister · 09/11/2021 11:15

In fairness, she may not have realised the middle belt wasn't working. If she only has 2 kids herself, the middle seat will rarely be used.

I agree it was dangerous to drive your child this way but she will be far from the first to have done so and I think if you start telling all the other mums this story in outrage you might find that some of them would have made the same call under the circumstances (ie 4 kids needing to be at football, all too young for one to be left behind and come back for).

I'd just take a deep breath, try and let this go with the knowledge it won't happen again, and just not let your daughter travel with her any more.

justwantobeamum · 09/11/2021 11:19

My friends mum used to cram an extra one or two of us in the car in the footwells to run us all down the road together 😂 god this site makes me sad to be a parent or child nowadays don't think I'll ever bother doing favours for other parents incase they start reporting me to the police!

Swipe left for the next trending thread