Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why won't he SHUT UP?!

301 replies

fixlet · 08/11/2021 18:12

I'm a teacher, so I usually work for about an hour on the laptop when I get home, replying to emails that stack up during the day, or planning etc.

My husband has usually been home for 45 minutes by himself by the time I get back from work. We have a quick catch up together, then I get on with my work before making a start on dinner.

However, during that hour of work, he makes constant noise, and it's PISSING ME OFF. He clears his throat constantly, blows his nose, slurps tea, chomps biscuits and tries to sing or talk with his mouth full, drums on the table, plays a game on his phone with the sound on, crashing around doing the dishwasher much louder than normal.... it's just constant. Even headphones don't make a difference.

He doesn't like it if I take myself off to the study to concentrate. If I go to the kitchen table, he follows me and sits next to me. Same if I take the laptop to the sofa.

Now, I do seem to struggle with eating noises generally. However, there is just something about that hour after work, when I'm tired and have dealt with noise and chat all day long from the kids, that is makes my blood boil.

I've told him and told him and told him that I can't cope with the noise and to leave me alone or let me go upstairs, but he gets all hurt and sad-eyed and mopes around.

AIBU to want to wring his neck?

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 09/11/2021 12:41

@Cheeserton

Drinking tea and clearing throat? Doing the dishes?? The utter bastard! 'Wring his neck'????

Reverse the roles and you'd be labelled thoroughly controlling and abusive, 'tongue in cheek' or not.

Nonsense @Cheeserton - see PP's responses to exactly this sex-reversed scenario c/o @saveourtrees post.

To a woman, everyone is just as aghast for her DH as we are for the beleagured OP.

Sparkletastic · 09/11/2021 12:43

His wants do not trump your needs.

hotmeatymilk · 09/11/2021 13:04

@BunsOfAnarchy Oh, thank fuck. I’ll get back in my humourless box Grin (Does my username look like I take this wretched hive of scum, villainy and idle time wasting seriously…)

FrankGrillosWrist · 09/11/2021 13:25

Fucking hell OP, I think you are married to my neighbour. He’s the same, can’t keep still, in & out, up & down, can’t shut up. Even when he’s gone to bed he snores like a pig all night long. Do whatever it is you have to in order to keep us both sane.

Fredstheteds · 09/11/2021 13:39

I used to teach ( like gave up in July) - I think you need to say after catch up- darling I will be 45 mins or however long if you leave me to it . Would you be able to do XYZ- veg prep etc. Then I can spend the evening with you. I like to check my lessons, catch up with emails/ requests / surveys etc and also make sure I’ve got my demo stuff in the car (/food teacher). Teaching is hard work and it’s not 9-5 - after all we have some much holiday ... ( that’s the great one people come out with...)

ChargingBuck · 09/11/2021 13:41

I think you need to say after catch up- darling I will be 45 mins or however long if you leave me to it

Brilliant.
I bet the OP hasn't thought of that.
And her DH won't totally ignore her needs & will keep following her from room to room anyway.

Have you actually RTFT?

Katieandthekids · 09/11/2021 15:13

Ugh. My husband is so loud all the time it literally drives me mad. He scream sneezes, always tapping on things... clearing his throat, humming etc etc. At bedtime when I try to read my book he sidles up to me to talk inane bullshit. I love him bla bla but since being with him I can empathise with those women who just flip one day and murder their partners.

No respect for my need to just have quiet after spending the day with two very chatty toddlers (who actually are already better than their dad when it comes to respecting peaceful times!).

Apparently it's me being intolerant though.

RantyAunty · 09/11/2021 17:23

@Brusselsprouts21

My partner was like this until one day he had to take a work phone call and i purposely kept distracting him with loud noises and 'accidentally' dropped the pans. Oops. Never again did he annoy the f**k out of me Grin
This gave me quite the chuckle. Grin I can picture myself sitting very close with a huge cheshire cat grin on my face randomly clicking a pen and sighing loudly or practicing bird calls.
PinkPanther27 · 09/11/2021 17:30

@AmandaHoldensLips

It's classic attention-seeking behaviour. Like the child that refuses to play on their own for a while.

You're home. You should be devoting your attention to him, not to your job. Because he is more important and needs to be noticed and entertained.

Fuck that.
I suggest you henceforth use the study every time, close the door, and take a G&T in with you.

Sounds like a great idea 😁
JonSnowIsALoser · 09/11/2021 17:34

Are you sure he's your husband and not your puppy, OP?

Crystalgirl90 · 09/11/2021 17:39

Let him sulk - he will soon get over it 🤣

MooPointCowsOpinion · 09/11/2021 17:43

Work from the office and shut the door!

SecondClassmyass · 09/11/2021 17:45

Ex was talking at me even while I was reading a book and demanding attention/me answer his questions. He was also playing ‘funny videos’ On YouTube and insisted on me watching them while I was having my morning coffee in bed, trying to read news/relax at the sacred moment of the day.
Would come to the dining table while I was having a quick snack/moment to myself trying to read a magazine- again talking at me, watching me eat (I hate it). There wasn’t a moment in a day whilst being around him when I could have a clear headspace as it was all yap yap yap.
I now have a wonderful DP who is quiet like a mouse, on weekend mornings we sit in bed in silence for 2 hrs, topping up coffees, reading, listening to music, touching hands. He never shows me ‘funny videos’ or talks at me while I am doing something else. It’s bliss

LovelyIssues · 09/11/2021 17:47

Typical man child. Mine is the same

Justmeandmyfamily · 09/11/2021 17:47

That's what my oldest son doing when getting ready in the morning and tell him to be as quiet as possible not to wake his younger brothers. He's 4 years old Grin
Can't you just tell him you have some work to do and really can't concentrate with the constant noise? I am sure it would take less time for him to understand than to constantly get annoyed.

2bazookas · 09/11/2021 17:49

I'd go upstairs, lock the door and let him get sadder, hurter and mopier until he grows up a bit.

Meanwhile, he'd be taking his turn to cook dinner.

Waterlemon · 09/11/2021 17:52

Oh dear this is my DF I don’t know how my DM copes now that they are both retired!

We spent half Term with them in the same accommodation- was far from the relaxing break I had been looking forward too!

No advice other than you need to nip in the bud somehow so That you have a peaceful retirement!

takenforgrantednana · 09/11/2021 17:57

@fixlet

I'm a teacher, so I usually work for about an hour on the laptop when I get home, replying to emails that stack up during the day, or planning etc.

My husband has usually been home for 45 minutes by himself by the time I get back from work. We have a quick catch up together, then I get on with my work before making a start on dinner.

However, during that hour of work, he makes constant noise, and it's PISSING ME OFF. He clears his throat constantly, blows his nose, slurps tea, chomps biscuits and tries to sing or talk with his mouth full, drums on the table, plays a game on his phone with the sound on, crashing around doing the dishwasher much louder than normal.... it's just constant. Even headphones don't make a difference.

He doesn't like it if I take myself off to the study to concentrate. If I go to the kitchen table, he follows me and sits next to me. Same if I take the laptop to the sofa.

Now, I do seem to struggle with eating noises generally. However, there is just something about that hour after work, when I'm tired and have dealt with noise and chat all day long from the kids, that is makes my blood boil.

I've told him and told him and told him that I can't cope with the noise and to leave me alone or let me go upstairs, but he gets all hurt and sad-eyed and mopes around.

AIBU to want to wring his neck?

why not stay at work for the extra hour and get the work done? then come home and be AT HOME
Bogeyes · 09/11/2021 18:01

Spade and patio

Pelsall116 · 09/11/2021 18:03

I work from home. My OH has just retired and got quite "huffy" the other day because I pointed out that I couldn't concentrate with highlights of Match of the Day and some excited commentator screaming at the top of his voice blaring out, especially as I was about to go into a Microsoft Teams meeting. I wouldn't care but he has headphones. His response was, "oh, I thought you just logged in and didn't really do anything for the first hour" !!!! To be fair though he has taken it on board and no repeats - he goes off to the conservatory or uses his headphones
I would just go off to the study regardless when you get home - your OH is being selfish....

Daenerys77 · 09/11/2021 18:03

LTB

Hertsgirl10 · 09/11/2021 18:09

He sounds like a pathetic puppy I would of re homed him by now.

Morgysmum · 09/11/2021 18:15

Oh, it's so frustrating when they make so much noise, my other half, seems to make so much noise when I am trying to sleep. I am a light sleeper, so the slightest of noise can wake me, however my Oh, works late sometimes and has a had a getting a beer, (more than 1) when he puts his beer can in the bin for recycling, he seems to get it to hit all the sides as it goes in, so clank, clank clank. Then when he goes in the cupboard, he seems to slam the doors. So if I wake up for the bathroom, I then struggle to get back to sleep, with the constant racket downstairs. I have told him it keeps me awake, luckily, he has stopped putting his cans in the bin, but can still make a racket. I think it's because I am tried, but you need to tell him, if have to have some space to get your work done. He should respect that not pout like a child.

Americano75 · 09/11/2021 18:19

Fucking hell, I'll wring it for you.

NewlyGranny · 09/11/2021 18:20

Go into your study, get some top end noise cancelling headphones and make yourself a carrell in there from a big cardboard box, positioned so you won't see him even if he barges in?

Set the cooker timer for an hour and tell him he mustn't bother you until it rings?

Patio as a last resort!