Why won't he SHUT UP?!

[fixlet]

I'm a teacher, so I usually work for about an hour on the laptop when I get home, replying to emails that stack up during the day, or planning etc.

My husband has usually been home for 45 minutes by himself by the time I get back from work. We have a quick catch up together, then I get on with my work before making a start on dinner.

However, during that hour of work, he makes constant noise, and it's PISSING ME OFF. He clears his throat constantly, blows his nose, slurps tea, chomps biscuits and tries to sing or talk with his mouth full, drums on the table, plays a game on his phone with the sound on, crashing around doing the dishwasher much louder than normal.... it's just constant. Even headphones don't make a difference.

He doesn't like it if I take myself off to the study to concentrate. If I go to the kitchen table, he follows me and sits next to me. Same if I take the laptop to the sofa.

Now, I do seem to struggle with eating noises generally. However, there is just something about that hour after work, when I'm tired and have dealt with noise and chat all day long from the kids, that is makes my blood boil.

I've told him and told him and told him that I can't cope with the noise and to leave me alone or let me go upstairs, but he gets all hurt and sad-eyed and mopes around.

AIBU to want to wring his neck?

Staying at work is OK unless it means your commute is longer due to heavier traffic, or if there is someone chatty who comes in and bothers you at work, too!

“He doesn’t like it if I take myself off ff to the study”
Take yourself off to the study and tell him to FUCK OFF. What is the matter with him? Put your foot down. If he doesn’t like it, tough.
He sounds very childish.

Pathetic man child - just go to the study!!

Yes unreasonable to wring his neck but fully sympathise. Definitely not unreasonable to use your study. Your situation would feel like torture to me.
We're all different but fortunately my last live in partner and I were similar re personal space and noise. Small 3 bed house and we evolved into his/ my study rooms (not quite knock on door but similar, we both wfh outside usual hours) and communal space. Worked really well. He worked with music, me without but OK. That kind of background noise doesn't bother me.
Read an article about Ruth, on morning TV which really resonated. Hating particular noises. Pen clicking whilst talking for me for example is almost unbearable, cannot focus on voice. Almost hurts.
I would not be able to share a home with someone like your husband. Would probably literally drive me crazy.

Maybe book a nanny for him while you're working?

LTB

😂 joking!!! Does he have ADHD? Sounds like he has so much energy he wants to use... maybe he just misses you??? But i understand when you're busy and need time to concentrate on work it can be hard hearing nosies around you

So he doesn't listen to you, can't read/follow a recipe meaning you do all the cooking and sulks if he doesn't get any attention? I had one of those. I feel so much better without.

I'm sorry. I feel your pain sister. 🤬
I am pretty intolerant to noises, I'm afraid, anyway. But I will make allowances for "accidental" noise making.
I think there is an unwritten rule that nobody in our house would do that -on purpose -around me, otherwise they would be locking themselves in the study to remove those little fucking "drumsticks" from their own arse.
Simples.
You live by the sword, you die by the sword

Not sure I’d react well to my DH saying he didn’t want me disappearing to the study. If I was you, I’d say either he let me focus in peace, or I would be shutting myself in my study. I wfh and my DH finishes work (works outside the home - self employed) about an hour before me, and insists on plonking himself down next to me and chatting when he gets home. He then gets arsey when I’m not responding to him properly. He just doesn’t get that just because I wfh, I don’t get to break off from my work whenever he feels like a chat. And unfortunately I have no study to escape to. 🙁

Mine has keyboard clicks turned on, on his phone.

THERE IS NO REASON IN THE WORLD TO REQUIRE THE USE OF KEYBOARD CLICKS. EVER.

One more text and I'll do time.

DH is on phones all day and comes in and SHOUTS all evening. Despite me saying “DH yous the talking SO LOUD” every time
And he often takes the huff
Drives me nuts.
He’s also likes to narrate what baby is doing or saying to me , when he comes in to take baby off me for half an hour and I’m enjoying vegging on my phone or staring off into space.
He’s also a Musician so he’s constantly tapping on stuff or listening to music loudly

@Looubylou

YABU and oversensitive to complain about normal noises. He is BU to sulk if you go upstairs for an hour. Go upstairs

Who are you to say what other people can be annoyed by? Working with kids is hard, I can understand why she needs a bit of quiet. Op, your husband is manipulating you. Don’t let him.

@AmandaHoldensLips

It's classic attention-seeking behaviour. Like the child that refuses to play on their own for a while.

You're home. You should be devoting your attention to him, not to your job. Because he is more important and needs to be noticed and entertained.

Fuck that.
I suggest you henceforth use the study every time, close the door, and take a G&T in with you.

Or maybe she could get one of those puzzle toys that you put treats in, and they have to work out how to get them out. I think they are marketed for bored dogs, but might work for a bored man-child - and would be cheaper than a shovel and a new patio.

You are ‘permitting’ his behaviour by not removing yourself to the study. It’s is called a study, cos that’s where you work.😆
He should be taking turns cooking dinner, particularly as he is first home and by the sound of it doesn’t need to finish work in the evening. You’ve been with kids all day and have become accustomed to childish behaviour!
My ex (who was out of work at the time) would be playing loud rock when I came home from work (also teaching). I just wanted to be quiet. I also thought that as he had been at home all day he’d had all day to listen to loud music. He maintained I didn’t like music.
Tell him you are ignoring his childish behaviour and go upstairs. It will probably be quicker as you won’t be distracted.
Or say sugar sweetly oh lovie do you need mummies attention? darling are you a clever boy? If he asks why you are treating him like a child/ the dog you can say because that’s how you are behaving.

There's a manager at work who always makes a really noisy entrance in the staff lunch room .I dread him coming in ,his worse thing is clapping his hands as hard as he can sometimes 3 or 4 times .It's not a normal clap and also .....why ? I hate noise pollution .Very hard to know what to do or say .He's otherwise easy to get on with .He has to be banging something until he sits down and eats /drinks .I sure couldn't live with someone like that .

Looks like we all have the same problem, partners who sulk. Dreadful, immature behaviour. Can he play a game on a console? I’ve been married 35 years and having a phone/ console with games has at last stopped the sulks.
Do you think that perhaps he’s just hungry? Try treating him like a child who comes home from school famished and needs a snack before supper?

LTB

I regularly have to tell DH to go away if he is whittering to me whilst I am working. I also often have to say ‘I’m stood right next to you’ when he’s talking very loud !

Thank God he can’t work from home.

I will cover for you OP if your DH needs to go under the patio 😀

I don’t have a patio

Very hard to know what to do or say

"OH! - you startled me. Why are you clapping, what's happening, do we need to be somewhere else?"

Every time, @LibranNan. He'll soon get it.

Get him a gym membership for Xmas suggest he goes there when you are doing your work or at least he needs a hobby preferably one that gets him out of the house. Could you give him some housework to do in the meantime, don't let him say he can't do it as unless he tries he will never be able too. Just a thought a simple cook book get him cooking dinner.

Yes good idea @ChargingBuck I will do that !

@Suspiciousmind20

I don’t have a patio

@Suspiciousmind20 come on! Don't tell me you haven't connected to the Sisters Useful Patio Collective yet?

A small monthly subscription gets you access to some of MN's finest private lansdcapes, complete with willing alibis experienced 'gardeners'. PM me with your bank details

ha ha ha, let me know how he responds if you can be arsed @LibranNan

I’m going to the study to work for an hour, I’ll be quicker if I’m alone and not distracted.
Next day: Repeat….