Why won't he SHUT UP?!

[fixlet]

I'm a teacher, so I usually work for about an hour on the laptop when I get home, replying to emails that stack up during the day, or planning etc.

My husband has usually been home for 45 minutes by himself by the time I get back from work. We have a quick catch up together, then I get on with my work before making a start on dinner.

However, during that hour of work, he makes constant noise, and it's PISSING ME OFF. He clears his throat constantly, blows his nose, slurps tea, chomps biscuits and tries to sing or talk with his mouth full, drums on the table, plays a game on his phone with the sound on, crashing around doing the dishwasher much louder than normal.... it's just constant. Even headphones don't make a difference.

He doesn't like it if I take myself off to the study to concentrate. If I go to the kitchen table, he follows me and sits next to me. Same if I take the laptop to the sofa.

Now, I do seem to struggle with eating noises generally. However, there is just something about that hour after work, when I'm tired and have dealt with noise and chat all day long from the kids, that is makes my blood boil.

I've told him and told him and told him that I can't cope with the noise and to leave me alone or let me go upstairs, but he gets all hurt and sad-eyed and mopes around.

AIBU to want to wring his neck?

Yes it’s the same here if I want to read it’s yap yap about crap I’m not interested in he wants to read I get head bitten off.

Yep I feel for you , I have the same issues.
Doesn’t matter what you say it will never stop . I would love a study as I would deffo be in there , it’s only for an hour , go and get yourself some peace ☮️

YANBU to find that really bloody irritating but YABU to not lock yourself in the study with headphones and gin

@CheshireDing lol
I sat this this too, along with “ who are you shouting at ? “ “are you speaking to the back of the class?” And the straight talking , but effective” just shut TF up now please “

ChargingBuck

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Oh my I'm so glad I've read this thread. I don't feel like an intolerant bitch any more. Twenty years of incessant singing. It only stops for around 6 hours of 24 while he's sleeping. If it's not singing it's beatboxing. I've mentioned to friends before how the constant singing annoys me and all I've ever got in response is 'he's being cheerful YABU' but it never stops! He has OCD so I honestly think it's some sort of OCD thing.

You should do your work in the study (that's what it is there for, I presume?) and if he gets upset about it that's his problem. Maybe he could keep himself busy making dinner?

He sounds rather like my partner who at the grand old age of 55 got an ADHD diagnosis. Not saying your husband has this but consider it. It's extremely taxing to live with.

I've told him and told him and told him that I can't cope with the noise and to leave me alone or let me go upstairs, but he gets all hurt and sad-eyed and mopes around

And he "can't" learn basic life skills like cooking?

Is this actually your DH or a child?

@mbosnz

I want to wring his neck, and I'm not having to suffer it!

This ^

Just got to the study and leave him to sulk while he makes dinner

Gosh these posts make me so eternally grateful that I have chosen to be single. I don't know how you stay with your OH when they clearly have irritating habits and are quite needy of your time. Good Luck!

@fixlet I think we might be married to the same person 😂
It makes me want to scream and/or murder him brutally at the same time. I don’t understand how someone can make so much noise! Mine seems to be particular talented at making an awful noise when eating sweet foods such as cookies. And the constant nattering when I’m quite clearing deep in concentration trying to do work. Incapable of closing a door too.. I mean I genuinely didn’t realise that using a door handle properly was a thing that people were incapable of! (We’re ten years in so I’m quite honestly amazed he’s not got the hint yet!)

YABU because you should just ignore him and work In the study and ignore the sulks. Be assertive and happy not a martyr and resentful!

Tell him that either he lets you work in peace or you will stay at work an hour longer to get things done.

It sounds like you might be experiencing misophonia

YABU by not simply taking yourself away to work. If he sulks, let him, he’ll get over it!

I am 100% positive you have just described my dad!! Myself and my daughter are temporarily living with my parents until our house is ready and yesterday I was trying to catch up on college as I’m day release and he just kept making noises and breathing loudly or humming or gulping his tea! It was 9.30am and he is NEVER up at that time so just made it more irritating! I am glad I am not alone!

Any chance he’s got ADD ?? I’m being serious btw….

FiL, bless him, could not understand when he came to stay, back in the day, that I was working, not playing, on the one, huge, house computer which lived in one corner of the sitting room. "I'm writing a book, Dad - I'm working to a publisher's deadline here..."

Nup. He chatted at me, wanted me to research his family tree, the price of fish... until I was practically weeping with frustration. And I'd been at work all day already. Oh, for a laptop. 🤯

She doesn’t have misophonia unless it’s a very specific, localised sort of misophonia that only exists when she’s next to her husband.

And he could well have ADD/ADHD, but he’s also a dickhead: you can be both! DP has ADHD and makes noise/fidgets, but he doesn’t follow me around doing it, or sulk when I need to work, or emotionally blackmail me not to use the study, or pretend he can’t cook.

I could not empathise with you more. My wife does this when she is looking after our kid and I am working from home. It drives me absolutely banana’s. Can’t she just shut up! Or at the very least keep the kid quiet! But she is constantly trying to engage in conversation, constantly trying to interact. It’s impossible to explain I am at work, even if I close the door in the study, she finds something to bother me about during the working day! If you find a way to get through to your loud husband, please, I beg you to share!! Good luck!

DD's bf couldn't cook. When he found we were all interested in food, that she could cook, that I was looking up recipes of food he liked..... he got onto youtube and started looking up things to cook for her. He's getting good.

No one suggested, let alone asked, him to do this. He did it because it means she won't always be cooking for him.

Sign up to a gym like David Lloyd that has a cafe and WiFi. Go there after work with headphones, get work done over a cuppa

@nocnoc

Sign up to a gym like David Lloyd that has a cafe and WiFi. Go there after work with headphones, get work done over a cuppa

Why on earth should the OP pay money to leave her own home and work in a public place when she has space to work at home?

Send the whinging manchild to the gym. Or better still, sign him up for cookery evening classes.

Can’t she just shut up! Or at the very least keep the kid quiet!

Erm, wind up, right?