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AIBU?

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Original poster

My doctor just called me a good girl and I died a bit inside

254 replies

Wtfdoctor · 08/11/2021 16:46

I just pretended he hadn't said anything - I don't know what the actual fuck got into him, I think he thought he was being funny or charming or something and I think I was expected to smile and find it funny. But no. It wasn't funny.

He is normally a good doctor who to be fair to him has sorted out a major problem for me because he does actually listen and did blood tests to find out my issue. I generally felt very comfortable with him before this but don't know now at all if I'd feel comfortable going forward. The clinic is hormones/ fertility etc. One of the procedures he recommended I have done is a transvaginal ultrasound and I don't think I can have him do it now.

I just feel really uncomfortable and foolish when I think about it. Am I being oversensitive? I have a lot going on at the moment and wonder if I'm being unreasonable to question having him as my doctor anymore.

OP posts:
CrankyFrankie · 09/11/2021 21:27

I consider myself a feminist but if a gentle old doc in his 70s said this to me I think I’d find it quite cute. That said, you’re the one who experienced it and you’re perfectly within your rights to feel uncomfortable and request someone else (female?) does the intrusive stuff. The TV scans are pretty undignifying as it is, without having to worry about all that stuff on top!

Darlingx · 10/11/2021 03:19

Wtfdoctor

His professional mask slipped. Now you are aware of your status. The God complex is something to watch out for in male and female doctors and it’s clearly outlining your place and marking it out loud to your face that’s why you died a little inside. Your trust in this Doctor just shrunk back a little. It’s very possible it’s just so you know who is going to be knowing what is best for you. For this reason you are having doubts as you would prefer agency over your own body.
These boundaries are very important when it comes to building a relationship of trust because who has your best interests.
This amount of Ego and authority over womens bodies makes me laugh when you consider women have the ability to carry and feed a life yet we are belittled in society in small asides constantly! We can sync and can read situations that are safe guarding skills labelled as women’s intuition.
If you have the luxury of choice in this situation be guided by those instincts and they are tuned for things for example like protecting children with split second decisions I discovered that’s why they are there . Gut instinct can be your Sat Nav and it might be recalculating. If you take a wrong turn you can still recalculate at any stage of your journey but do trust in your flagging it up xx

Darlingx · 10/11/2021 04:16

RockyReef
journey’s we are often being thrown into intimate or awkward situations at speed with strangers and the barriers have to come down quickly . At our most vulnerable. I have also found myself not expressing myself correctly in medical situations and so I will now make notes on points I want to discuss because I get lost in the emotion that dropping barriers often creates.
My mother always believed in the mind controlling the body and it’s good to remind ourselves we are in the driving seat because all the messaging out there is about outside of our body. Our mind is constantly travelling in our body and there is such power in that. I think the language we use can influence those thoughts. Wishing you the best of thoughts and peace of mind from any worries.

HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 10/11/2021 04:51

Oh for the love of 🤦‍♀️. He's made a poorly judged lighthearted comment to try and put you at ease that he's keeping pain to a minimum. I'm surprised anyone wants to be a doctor these days.
Yabu and way over sensitive. He was clearly trying to be nice, and misjudged it.

Spaghettipie1 · 10/11/2021 06:45

Maybe he was dying inside a bit when he realised he had said something so cringey. My thoughts were a tired Dr said it without thinking really.

dottiedodah · 10/11/2021 06:52

Is he a good doctor normally. If he is then I would be inclined to ignore it. I don't think he would do the transvaginal sound though surely.l have had this and its normally done by the radiographer. Its not pleasant but doesn't hurt and they kept the door locked .and told me to tell them to stop if uncomfortable at any point.

Sheerdetermination · 10/11/2021 07:30

YANBU. He should not have made that comment.

2Rebecca · 10/11/2021 07:47

Is this in the UK? Here radiographers usually do the ultrasounds even transvaginal ones or sometimes radiologists. You also dont tend to have a gynaecologist for this procedure but another gynaecologist for that procedure unless it's something specialised like infertility and you are going to a tertiary clinic. Maybe it's private UK practice but even then it's unusual for gynaecologists to routinely do ultrasounds

Pinklemonade1 · 10/11/2021 08:21

Perhaps it was a bit of a slip of the tongue and HE was dying inside after saying it.. I'm a nurse and one day I asked a below the knee amputee where his slipper was 😩. It happens, and we are human. For an intimate examination there should be a chaperone with you. If you really get the creepy vibe then by all means ask for someone else but if it really was a one off try to brush it off.

Crankyoldboiler · 10/11/2021 08:30

A colleague of mine once got called a good girl by an older man in a position of authority. She very sweetly said " I used to be a girl until I was about 16 and then I became a woman". Still makes me laugh when I think about it and remember the look on his face.

babachic · 10/11/2021 08:41

@BingoandBluey lol! I'm a teacher and the amount of times I've said to my class 'mummy's just going to...' and they think it's hilarious Blush

@Wtfdoctor that is very strange and would make me feel uncomfortable too. How condescending. Would he tell a man he was being a good boy? Hmm

Shasha17 · 10/11/2021 08:43

Bit of an OTT response to be honest. Sounds like a joke.

threatmatrix · 10/11/2021 09:43

Get a grip, he’s been a good doctor, how old is he ? It was probably a slip of the tongue. Jesus everyone’s looking for something to complain about.

TheKeatingFive · 10/11/2021 09:47

Would he tell a man he was being a good boy?

Excellent point.

Why are people saying we should continue to put up with this casual misogyny and paternalism?

Lavender24 · 10/11/2021 09:47

For goodness sake are people seriously telling her to complain? I was at the dentist last week and he called me princess. He's a lot older than me and a bit nuts (in a good way) so I wasn't bothered. Chill out people.

TheKeatingFive · 10/11/2021 09:48

I was at the dentist last week and he called me princess

That's awful too

Capferret · 10/11/2021 11:30

Perhaps your doctor really wanted to be a vet!
It is a bit cringy.
I had to go to the dentist today for a deep filling and I am terrified and actually act like a child with my questions and need for reassurance. However my dentist is so lovely and professional and merely asked if I was OK.
When I said I've done really well today he agreed but he wasn't patronising.

tallduckandhandsome · 10/11/2021 11:45

@fanjosaysi

Adults call my dad "good girl", so what?

That’s wrong too.

FrankiPanki · 10/11/2021 14:12

YABU

Jennylinda79 · 10/11/2021 14:17

Many years ago, I was pregnant at the age of 42. Long wanted pregnancy. One female consultant took away my joy by telling me my risks and I left in tears. I then saw a very world famous doctor in London for scans and he told me he could only see one leg, this he proceeded to tell me was a joke and everything was fine. I did give birth to a beautiful baby girl but my whole pregnancy was traumatic until she was born. Some doctors need to rein in their comments. Doctors need to be aware of what they are saying to patients and drop the patronising god-like attitude.

SarahJeffers341 · 10/11/2021 14:49

@Wtfdoctor

Context - "As you're such a good girl, I'm going to prescribe X which is a smaller needle and hurts less".

I have never commented on the needle before so it's also an odd thing to say because not relevant. Perhaps he momentarily confused with someone else and they have a bit of an in joke or something?

I think you need to get a grip. Clearly nothing meant by it. Don’t rule out a good dr because you’re being overly sensitive!
fanjosaysi · 10/11/2021 15:03

[quote tallduckandhandsome]@fanjosaysi

Adults call my dad "good girl", so what?

That’s wrong too.[/quote]
DD, wow I made a typo. Any actual point you're making here?

Good girl is not a pot a graphic statement. God knows what some of you are watching when you're alone

Nettie1964 · 10/11/2021 16:49

It's irritating yes, but you should have called him out on it. Because if you didn't then you are really acting like a child who can't speak up for herself and holds grudges.

Blowingahoolly · 13/11/2021 15:57

Would you prefer it if he said naughty girl?

TheKeatingFive · 13/11/2021 16:11

Would you prefer it if he said naughty girl?
Hmm

No. No need for patronising references to 'girls' at all