My doctor just called me a good girl and I died a bit inside

[Wtfdoctor]

I just pretended he hadn't said anything - I don't know what the actual fuck got into him, I think he thought he was being funny or charming or something and I think I was expected to smile and find it funny. But no. It wasn't funny.

He is normally a good doctor who to be fair to him has sorted out a major problem for me because he does actually listen and did blood tests to find out my issue. I generally felt very comfortable with him before this but don't know now at all if I'd feel comfortable going forward. The clinic is hormones/ fertility etc. One of the procedures he recommended I have done is a transvaginal ultrasound and I don't think I can have him do it now.

I just feel really uncomfortable and foolish when I think about it. Am I being oversensitive? I have a lot going on at the moment and wonder if I'm being unreasonable to question having him as my doctor anymore.

Maybe it just slipped out? Maybe he was trying to make a joke, put you at ease (badly)? It sounds like he was trying to joke with you.
Sometimes we say things that are not correct / nice.
Try to put it out of your mind if he's a good doctor, we all have off days.
Another pp said something about reporting to pals, bit of overkill that.
Hope you get better soon

[quote EverdeRose]@Wtfdoctor

That's even worse than I imagined. The idea that being compliant and doing as your told means he will inflict less pain upon you.

Complain[/quote]
Omg get a grip!! It's clearly meant as a joke 🙄 bloody hell this wokery needs to end.

I find 'I'm sure that when you think about it, you'll be embarrassed you thought that saying that was in any way acceptable' usually elicits an immediate apology.

Alternatively, say 'Thanks for the small needle, wee man' and 'Will you write me a prescription for X, like a good boy?'

I can see how you might have felt patronised, but honestly I think he has probably just meant it in a light-hearted way, especially in that context. I would take it as a joke and let it go. He probably said it to lighten the mood a bit given people are often anxious with needles/medication.

I do think @NothingSafe might have a point. As in the joke is in the faux patronising comment because you're an adult and can handle a big needle but he's being considerate.

So not funny and clearly not appropriate in this circumstance but not necessarily patronising dickhead

Joke

@TotallySuper

Not wokery at all.

Would he have spoken to a man similarly? Called him a good boy and said if he behaved he'd not got the bigger needle?

Comments like this are bred from decades of women's health being taken care of by men who think they know better.
Its a micro-aggression which enables further acts of misogyny in health care. Like having major abdominal surgery and being given paracetamol for pain relief, how a huge percentage of women were touched without their consent or even had medical procedures performed on them without consent when in labour.

Funnily enough I have never been called a “Good girl” by a female GP but twice by different male GPs. This would really annoy me too OP.

He probably said it to lighten the mood a bit given people are often anxious with needles/medication.

Oh, that's interesting and does make sense. I'm fine with injections so forget that loads of people really hate needles.

[quote EverdeRose]@TotallySuper

Not wokery at all.

Would he have spoken to a man similarly? Called him a good boy and said if he behaved he'd not got the bigger needle?

Comments like this are bred from decades of women's health being taken care of by men who think they know better.
Its a micro-aggression which enables further acts of misogyny in health care. Like having major abdominal surgery and being given paracetamol for pain relief, how a huge percentage of women were touched without their consent or even had medical procedures performed on them without consent when in labour.[/quote]
You don't know that, he could quite as easily be saying to men he sees "ok good lad I'll give you a smaller needle" etc - by assuming he wouldn't have said it to others makes you prejudice as you believe he is being.

Based on the rest of your post I assume you've had experience of something bad with a specific doctor but it's wrong to tar this doctor with the same brush when it could just be an badly worded attempt at humour or a way of putting her at ease. It would not have bothered me at all unless it was a regular occurance or was accompanied by a wink or something suggestive. I just think some women need to chill out about this sort of thing - he's been a great doctor thus far would you rather swap him for a shit one??

I think if I hadn’t said anything at the time I wouldn’t complain later.

As you're such a good girl, I'm going to prescribe X which is a smaller needle and hurts less

Yuck that is horrible. I would hope that I would have said something at the time but often words fail us in these circumstances.

I would remember it and then if it happened again I would challenge him and ask him to not do it.

As in the joke is in the faux patronising comment because you're an adult and can handle a big needle but he's being considerate.

This makes sense too.

I think it just freaked me out as I have NEVER felt remotely uncomfortable with him before, and it struck me as such a bizarre remark.

I think I will stick with him for the blood test and medication side of things and find another doctor to do the more invasive gynaecologist stuff.

Comments like this are bred from decades of women's health being taken care of by men who think they know better.

100% agree with this. Even if doctors like mine don't mean anything bad with a throwaway silly comment, it all stems from a longstanding imbalance of power when you are woman dealing with health problems.

I wouldn't have liked that either OP.
Next time say that you are an adult woman and do not like to be addressed as a "girl" !

and much less as a "good girl" who deserves a particular piece of medical equipment.
What doctor prescribes something suitable for your condition on the basis of you having been GOOD beforehand? ick.

Wouldn't have bothered me. Would assume he was joking and just trying to make me feel relaxed.

I think if you feel able you should put in a complaint to the practice. He is probably talking to other patients this way as well and it is inappropriate even if meant innocently.

There may be a way you could do this anonymously via email or a feedback form etc.

If his attitude towards you is usually respectful and not condescending, I'd treat it as a slip of the tongue, like when you inadvertently call your husband the dog's name. It's different if he has a "good girl" attitude towards you,but that doesn't seem to be the case.

@Wtfdoctor

A Dr that listens, does tests & offers treatment?! He could call me whatever he likes!

Jesus, I am the least woke person I know but I would consider being called a good girl by anyone but my one remaining parent extremely belittling and creepy. I cringe whenever my boss says good morning girls to me and my coworkers, not one of which is under 40. I probably wouldnt complain or stop seeing an otherwise competent doctor, but if it was said more than once I think I would have to quietly say something to indicate a bit more respect was needed.

@TotallySuper

You couldn't be more wrong actually. I'm a fellow medical professional and I see behaviour similar all the time. I've sat in on hundreds of outpatient appointments and have never heard a doctor call a man good boy, but heard lots of good girl comments.

God, the number of patronising, insulting things doctors have said to me over the years - women as well as men. I never said a thing when I was younger, just went home upset and furious. I think they just get carried away with their own importance. I'd think of something straightforward and corrective to say next time, and there's bound to be a next time.

I am sure it was not meant in a demeaning way. As a teacher I once called a teenaged boy honey. My children were a similar age and friends with him. It just slipped out and was a way I sometimes spoke to my own children. Not sure if he actually noticed, but around here people frequently call each other ‘love’. Don’t try to read anything into it. Your GP probably kicked himself afterwards and may himself have felt embarrassed. Least said soonest mended.

I'd speak to PALS.

What over-reaction.

My GP once gave me a sticker like they give to children when she took my blood. She knows how much I hate needles and we both joked about my ridiculous behaviour whenever I see a needle. I love that my relationship with my GP is this casual. It puts me greatly at ease.

[quote EverdeRose]@TotallySuper

Not wokery at all.

Would he have spoken to a man similarly? Called him a good boy and said if he behaved he'd not got the bigger needle?

Comments like this are bred from decades of women's health being taken care of by men who think they know better.
Its a micro-aggression which enables further acts of misogyny in health care. Like having major abdominal surgery and being given paracetamol for pain relief, how a huge percentage of women were touched without their consent or even had medical procedures performed on them without consent when in labour.[/quote]
This.

It's simply not plausible that he would also tell male patients they're such good boys. Nobody says things like that.

So many women still think that casual sexism, micro-agressions and other low-level shit is no big deal. It's depressing.