My doctor just called me a good girl and I died a bit inside

[Wtfdoctor]

I just pretended he hadn't said anything - I don't know what the actual fuck got into him, I think he thought he was being funny or charming or something and I think I was expected to smile and find it funny. But no. It wasn't funny.

He is normally a good doctor who to be fair to him has sorted out a major problem for me because he does actually listen and did blood tests to find out my issue. I generally felt very comfortable with him before this but don't know now at all if I'd feel comfortable going forward. The clinic is hormones/ fertility etc. One of the procedures he recommended I have done is a transvaginal ultrasound and I don't think I can have him do it now.

I just feel really uncomfortable and foolish when I think about it. Am I being oversensitive? I have a lot going on at the moment and wonder if I'm being unreasonable to question having him as my doctor anymore.

I'll make you cringe even more. When someone in that situation calls me a good girl I feel pleased. When I think about my reaction rationally I think "Good Lord erf is wrong with you" BUT I CAN'T HELP IT! 😂

Hi, OK, so first off, I have had some awful experiences over the years with doctors, and I too am incredibly emotionally vulnerable when it comes to certain medical matters /interventions /procedures so I get where you are coming from. I have worked in a powerful job in a male dominated profession for many years, and I am also a sub in the bedroom and love being called a good girl - BUT ONLY by my Dom!!! There are all sorts of reasons he could have said this, and actually they don't matter. What matters is that YOU feel uncomfortable with it and therefore would prefer to get your tvu done with a different doctor. I would feel exactly the same way BTW. And I have complained about two of the doctors over the years who have made me feel uncomfortable with what I considered to be inappropriate language or actions.

I think you are obviously doing the right thing for you, and that's the key thing here. You do you!

Wishing you all the best x

@JennyWren87

I'll make you cringe even more. When someone in that situation calls me a good girl I feel pleased. When I think about my reaction rationally I think "Good Lord erf is wrong with you" BUT I CAN'T HELP IT! 😂

That's the thing though - nobody can help their reaction, that immediate gut feeling. Yours is pleased, and mine is discomfort.

I don’t get it. You’re entitled to dislike it-but if he’s a good doctor, why not just say, “I wish you wouldn’t say that. It makes me feel uncomfortable.”
He’s either a good doctor or not, so I’d either want out altogether or sort it.

I think it's something that is bandied about in medical situations quite a lot. I have cancer and over the last year I have been called a good /brave girl on numerous occasions (always by female nurses or doctors, never by the male ones). I think it's said in a supportive way and is because they see a lot of much older patients so I appear a youngster to them (in my 30s so I'm not a youngster outside of this particular cancer context). So while it sounds weird to me, it's normal for them and I wouldn't bin off a good doctor over one comment. Who knows, he may have said it by mistake anyway and is kicking himself now. Perhaps give him another chance and if he says it again you could always just say "I'd prefer if you didn't refer to me as a girl".

I mentioned to to my GP today and she rolled her eyes, said ‘Yeah, there’s someone who wouldn’t get through the HPat if he was qualifying now!’ and proceeded to reminisce about men in her year she’d hoped were going into pathology.

I think you're being unreasonable. It's not worth getting upset about 'good girl' . 20 years ago remarks like that were figures of speech and as long as they were complimenary why does it matter. The fact that you are having to think about whether you should get upset means you're believeing in a trend that is ridiculous. Why fall out with a decent doctor, and there aren't many of them about, over something so insignificant. Good girl does not mean ' I'm going to enjoy .......

@Anitarest

I don’t get it. You’re entitled to dislike it-but if he’s a good doctor, why not just say, “I wish you wouldn’t say that. It makes me feel uncomfortable.” He’s either a good doctor or not, so I’d either want out altogether or sort it.

Isn't it obvious? I'm clearly a less advanced life form than you are, because you clearly always know the exact right thing to say in any circumstances. Obviously. So perhaps quit the faux naivete.

I felt awkward and put on the spot.

I did not know where he was going with the first half of the sentence - "As you're such a good girl..." and then he paused, and my brain was catching up not having a clue where he was going.

Then he started talking in detail about the new drug he was prescribing and I was trying to focus on that and take in the important information - because y'know the medication is the whole point of our discussions.

I did not want to row back in the conversation at that point.

I wanted to wrap it up quickly.

Also, I don't believe that "he's either a good doctor or not" - things are not black and white, people are a lot more nuanced than that.

If you have any doubts about him being a good doctor then change. Keeping him for one thing but not another is weird. When my DH had to change consultants because of a particular occurrence, it had to be a complete change as we no longer trusted him.

The fact that you are having to think about whether you should get upset means you're believeing in a trend that is ridiculous.

Except that's not true. I felt uncomfortable immediately.

I'm also not 'upset'. It's more a wariness, that my discomfort is alerting me to the fact I don't want invasive procedures with this doctor.

We haven't and won't fall out over this one remark - but I drawing a boundary in that I want the working relationship to be medication management only, because that feels manageable.

Gross!! Your not a child. I'd hate it x

Even Harold Shipman was considered an excellent doctor!

I absolutely can’t see the problem with this. Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

I think he could kick himself about his comments. Maybe he was worried about the procedure and thought he was making it easier to accept. Don’t give up a good doctor- there’s some pretty awful ones out there. Better the devil you know ….

*also maybe it’s just the unfortunate “ love you, bye” to a stranger ,that people do and he just happened to be a Dr? Doubt he’ll say it again

just laugh and ask for your lollypop or sticker if he says it again

[quote EverdeRose]@Wtfdoctor

That's even worse than I imagined. The idea that being compliant and doing as your told means he will inflict less pain upon you.

Complain[/quote]
YES! It’s just awful. He shouldn’t be calling adult women a good girl or saying that as a reward he’ll hurt you less. If the smaller needle works OK and hurts less, why don’t they use it for everyone?
I just cannot believe that some women are being OK with being spoken to like this. It stinks of condescension.

YABU.

Listen to your gut.

He's probably a good doctor but there's no point in putting yourself in a position where you might find out he isn't. See a different doctor for procedures that are more invasive.

I read a book called "The Gift of Fear" several years ago. If alarm bells have gone off in your head, listen to them.

I completely get where you’re coming from having experienced both men and women poking around during invasive procedures including TV ultrasounds, biopsies, hysteroscopies etc during fertility investigations and treatment. When you’re already in an emotionally vulnerable and anxious state then it’s so important to feel safe and comfortable so I totally see how this might have brought up feelings of discomfort for you.

I’d bring it up with him. Say you are really pleased with his support of you but his comment felt a bit odd and out of place. Ask him what happened - why did he say it?

Lots of drs have called me different things. Most commonly moody. But then I am in pain every day. They aren't. And they forget how annoying it is, waiting in clinic for hours in pain. Not knowing when you're going to be called. I'm really grateful for phone appointments now. It takes away so much stress.

I think you're making something of nothing

@RobotValkyrie

As you're such a good girl, I'm going to prescribe X which is a smaller needle and hurts less

Sounds like a sadist on a power trip.

Seriously, what kind of answer does he expect?
"Oh no, I've been a bad bad girl, could you please prescribe me the one with the big hard needle instead?"...
Or "Thank you for your infinite generosity, oh graceful provider of relatively pain-free life-saving drugs"?

As a rule of thumb, if a comment:

• makes the recipient uncomfortable
• does not call for any particular answer or reaction (and in fact, it's hard to think of a suitable answer/reaction)

Then odds are:

• it was said for the benefit of the speaker, not the recipient
• it should never have been said out loud

Ever heard of a joke? What's with Al the hyperbole on this thread?

@tallduckandhandsome

YANBU, it’s porny language when used for adult women, so totally gross 🤮

Please don’t ignore your instincts, I’m glad you won’t let him do the procedures on you anymore.

Good girl isn't porn language. Adults call my dad "good girl", so what? The only people who think this is porn language are those who make or their lives mission to shoehorn outrage into everything