My doctor just called me a good girl and I died a bit inside

[Wtfdoctor]

I just pretended he hadn't said anything - I don't know what the actual fuck got into him, I think he thought he was being funny or charming or something and I think I was expected to smile and find it funny. But no. It wasn't funny.

He is normally a good doctor who to be fair to him has sorted out a major problem for me because he does actually listen and did blood tests to find out my issue. I generally felt very comfortable with him before this but don't know now at all if I'd feel comfortable going forward. The clinic is hormones/ fertility etc. One of the procedures he recommended I have done is a transvaginal ultrasound and I don't think I can have him do it now.

I just feel really uncomfortable and foolish when I think about it. Am I being oversensitive? I have a lot going on at the moment and wonder if I'm being unreasonable to question having him as my doctor anymore.

@TravelLost

Really really. OP should have challenged it in the manner I suggested. That way dr would have realised how irritating it is to be infantilised in a casual manner.

I think switching doctors etc solves nothing bar making a storm in a teacup that the dr won’t even know about. Pointless drama

@Glassofshloer

Oh fgs 🙄 massively over sensitive.

I would’ve just said ‘and as you’re such a good boy, I accept’

Exactly what I would have said!

I thought you were being over-sensitive until I read that, but that's really loaded. As in "I could have, for no good reason, chosen to be unkind to you, but seeing as how i like you and you're a bit deferential to me, I'll give you the nice treatment. But let's be clear I have the upper hand"

This ^

I expect he really enjoyed the little frisson it gave him. Medicine is full of this shit. I hope they're addressing it in medical schools these days, but I suspect not.

Is this hospital clinic? Of so you could form it as a customer suggestion that calling a grown women 'a good girl' is not appropriate and perhaps they need to revisit diversity training

@Glassofshloer

Why do you think it's oversensitive though?

Because I think OP is massively overreacting given the comment. It was very mildly 🤢 something I would challenge in the manner above or laugh about afterwards.

Not switch doctors and paint him as a full on creep

There are shades of grey and this is a very light one

So would you be ok if he said it again in the middle of a transvaginal ultrasound?

I'm genuinely curious to know if you would be. I wouldn't, at all.

I've had two TV ultrasounds and been completely fine by the way. I'm very comfortable in my own skin and generally don't care who performs the (many, various) procedures I have had done.

But for some reason I'm reluctant to have a TV ultrasound with him now, because on the off chance he makes another comment like that while I'm in a very vulnerable position I feel I could well be very, very uncomfortable. And will kick myself after. So, I'm going to get another doctor to do that bit, as I've said.

Context - "As you're such a good girl, I'm going to prescribe X which is a smaller needle and hurts less".

WTF? so if he thought you were a "bad girl" you'd get Y which has a massive fuck-off needle and hurts more? If you want to keep seeing him, have a word. If you can go to an alternative doctor, tell him you're going to complain, and do it.

@Wtfdoctor

Context - "As you're such a good girl, I'm going to prescribe X which is a smaller needle and hurts less".

I have never commented on the needle before so it's also an odd thing to say because not relevant. Perhaps he momentarily confused with someone else and they have a bit of an in joke or something?

So, was he saying that if he hadn't perceived you as being a "Good girl" he would've deliberately used a more painful needle?

Bit odd and patronising imo.

I know a GP who discouraged a female patient from losing weight because ‘you don’t want to look like one of those awful stick women’ (the lady in question was very obese). GP had an overweight wife and made no secret of the fact he was attracted to bigger ladies.

Patient in question paid for a gastric band in the end.

Now that is creepy!

I think we all say things on auto-pilot but the doctor-patient man-woman dynamic does change things. Also doctors clearly get training on better things to say (unless it is sheer coincidence that the entire medical profession repeatedly says "You're doing really well") on auto-loop :)

If you did decide to complain, write saying overall you were satisfied with your treatment, that the dr made a slip of the tongue and called you "good girl", that you believe it was does out of tiredness and without ill intent but that it might be sensible for someone to pass on this feedback and suggest alternative words of encouragement be used.

@Comedycook

Perhaps he sees a lot of kids throughout the course of his days appointments and ends up saying "good girl" or "good boy" on autopilot?

I say it on autopilot. Really dies depend on the context but you are both grown ups and I'd have said at the time I didn't like it if it bothered me. You're both adults after all!

Well you either want him to help you because you says he’s good, so accept was he said was a bit cringing but he didn’t mean harm

Or it pisses you off so much you are prepared to go elsewhere, potentially to someone who is not as good

Personally I would ignore and stay with a good doctor

So would you be ok if he said it again in the middle of a transvaginal ultrasound?

But you weren’t in the middle of a trans vaginal ultrasound, stop adding hypotheticals to make it more alarming & take it out of context.

It was a borderline pretty 🤢 comment, which I would write off as nerves or a lack of social graces or a slip of the tongue. If he said something to that effect again, then yes I would probably see a pattern and think about switching. But honestly let it go.

My GP once said 'yeah, you like that, don't you?' as he put a needle in my arm. I can only imagine that his brain had some sort of temporary insanity thing going on.

what!!!!!!!

good grief!

holy cow OP your doctor is just in the foothills compared to Utterly's. ...

To be honest if he’s a great doctor who’s solved a huge issue for you I think I’d let it go. Sounds like he was just making chat and got it wrong.

@Glassofshloer, nerves? From a consultant who probably also does surgery etc..? I hope to god this is not nerves

Come on, this is someone with years of experience. What wouod could have him nervous?

As for lack of social graces, again, this guy is a HCP with years of experience by default. He should be well pass the stage of learning social graces with patients.

Wow. The things people are reading into this. I said to my tennis coach, “love you sweetie” totally randomly when I could see my son was calling whilst I was finishing the previous call to the coach. Is he going to report me to some official body now? Get a grip. People speaking may not always choose the best words. I know I don’t.

My doctor asked me if I was a cage fighter because blood thinners would make my brain wobble if someone punched me in the head. He thought he was being funny and even laughed at his own joke. I didn't!🙁

Having the confidence to perform surgery isn’t the same as having great social skills. Did you watch The Island with the medical lecturer who was upset that he felt unable to connect with the rest in the group? Said he had felt socially awkward all his life, etc. Nice guy.

I think we have got to the stage where everyone is offended at everything.

The way I look at it, you can usually tell of someone is genuinely trying to offend or belittle you or not.

Most of it comes down to generations issues, cultural issues, clumsiness, lack of understanding rather than any real effort to offend.

I only get bothered by those who intentionally go out of their way to offend me. Life is too short to get hung up on the small stuff.

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername

My GP once said 'yeah, you like that, don't you?' as he put a needle in my arm. I can only imagine that his brain had some sort of temporary insanity thing going on.

Oh god hahahaha, I would have immediately laughed in his face. I'm going to assume he just had an absolute brain blank on appropriate chat...Was he mortified?!

Nope I didn’t Glass because I dint have a TV 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

But I can also tell you that medical students actually have classes with medical actors to work on their ‘social graces’. They are also working with patients day in and day out. Social graces etc… isn’t something that is an add on to their work. It’s the very core of their work.
Imagine that guy having to tell a patient they have a life limiting illness and only have 6 months to live. Would that be ok too for said consultant to handle it badly ‘because he is socially awkward’? How on Earth would be able to cope with that if he is nervous with a patient in a totally normal circumtances?

I would guess it was a poorly worded meant to be joke - an a good example of why humour can be inadvisable in professional settings. I would tell him you were uncomfortable, although you know it was meant in a joking way, and need him to not do this any more. He may call men good boys - you never know. I think a formal complaint is a bit OTT in the first instance.

Ick - I wouldn't like that. Bit creepy.