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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My doctor just called me a good girl and I died a bit inside

254 replies

Wtfdoctor · 08/11/2021 16:46

I just pretended he hadn't said anything - I don't know what the actual fuck got into him, I think he thought he was being funny or charming or something and I think I was expected to smile and find it funny. But no. It wasn't funny.

He is normally a good doctor who to be fair to him has sorted out a major problem for me because he does actually listen and did blood tests to find out my issue. I generally felt very comfortable with him before this but don't know now at all if I'd feel comfortable going forward. The clinic is hormones/ fertility etc. One of the procedures he recommended I have done is a transvaginal ultrasound and I don't think I can have him do it now.

I just feel really uncomfortable and foolish when I think about it. Am I being oversensitive? I have a lot going on at the moment and wonder if I'm being unreasonable to question having him as my doctor anymore.

OP posts:
Igneo · 08/11/2021 17:36

That's even worse than I imagined. The idea that being compliant and doing as your told means he will inflict less pain upon you.

I totally agree with this. Interesting that @EverdeRose is saying this with inside knowledge of the medical world.
My immediate instinct to the OP was not to complain, but to be more wary and prepared to pull the dr up in future. But the power games it’s part of makes me sick. It would put me off the dr to be honest.

TotallySuper · 08/11/2021 17:37

[quote EverdeRose]@TotallySuper

You couldn't be more wrong actually. I'm a fellow medical professional and I see behaviour similar all the time. I've sat in on hundreds of outpatient appointments and have never heard a doctor call a man good boy, but heard lots of good girl comments.[/quote]
Ok good for you, still doesn't mean this particular doctor doesn't do it to both sees or just made a one off comment without menace

Glassofshloer · 08/11/2021 17:37

Oh fgs 🙄 massively over sensitive.

I would’ve just said ‘and as you’re such a good boy, I accept’

Doona · 08/11/2021 17:39

Ugh creepy.

PinkiOcelot · 08/11/2021 17:41

All those saying complain, contact PALS etc, ffs get a grip. If he’s a good doctor, just let it go. If he’d grabbed your boob I could get the angst, but bloody hell.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/11/2021 17:41

@Glassofshloer

Oh fgs 🙄 massively over sensitive.

I would’ve just said ‘and as you’re such a good boy, I accept’

This would have been a good way of calling it out I think, although it would be one of those annoying things that only occurred to me to say later.

Why do you think it's oversensitive though?

ancientgran · 08/11/2021 17:41

@Wtfdoctor

He probably said it to lighten the mood a bit given people are often anxious with needles/medication.

Oh, that's interesting and does make sense. I'm fine with injections so forget that loads of people really hate needles.

I do a bit of part time work in a care home, I got my first covid jab before the other staff and the residents, I got it because my husband is disabled and I was with him as his carer and they just offered me the jab. When I went into work I knew a couple of people were worried as they didn't like needles so I did make a point about it being the least painful/easiest jab I'd ever had so I can imagine him trying to be reassuring although it wasn't the best way. I hope they didn't think I was being patronising when I said, "don't worry about it" I honestly wasn't trying to be bossy, just reassuring.
Original poster
Wtfdoctor · 08/11/2021 17:42

Ok good for you, still doesn't mean this particular doctor doesn't do it to both sees or just made a one off comment without menace

Well, he only sees women, for one thing.

OP posts:
butterpuffed · 08/11/2021 17:43

[quote EverdeRose]@TotallySuper

You couldn't be more wrong actually. I'm a fellow medical professional and I see behaviour similar all the time. I've sat in on hundreds of outpatient appointments and have never heard a doctor call a man good boy, but heard lots of good girl comments.[/quote]
Odd that you didn't divulge that in your previous posts in here then.

Snowpatrolling · 08/11/2021 17:44

I said this exact same thing to a patient this morning! I was mortified but pretended not to notice I said it!
I’ve been saying good girl all morning to my 10 year old and was in auto pilot!!

momtoboys · 08/11/2021 17:44

I think “dying inside” is pretty melodramatic. With all the crap we all have to worry about is a doctor who says something stupid really something that should turn your world upside down? I cannot think of why a comment would cause you not to want to have him do your vag ultrasound. It’s not like he said “cannot wait to see your bits!”

DukeofEarlGrey · 08/11/2021 17:44

YANBU in my view. It smacks of everyday sexism and I would feel equally weirded out. However, if he is an otherwise great doctor and you will have a nurse present for the treatment I would also stick with him because on balance it isn't a battle worth picking.

storminateacupagain · 08/11/2021 17:45

Jesus chill
I have made similar mistakes only it was good boy-- must have been thibking about my dog at the time

Glassofshloer · 08/11/2021 17:45

Why do you think it's oversensitive though?

Because I think OP is massively overreacting given the comment. It was very mildly 🤢 something I would challenge in the manner above or laugh about afterwards.

Not switch doctors and paint him as a full on creep Hmm

There are shades of grey and this is a very light one

EverdeRose · 08/11/2021 17:45

@Igneo

The level it goes to is unreal.
I know of a consultant who prescribes less pain relief to women after a specific operation than he does to men who've had exactly the same thing. When questioned I was told by him that women are built to cope with pain so he doesn't need to ensure they're pain free.

bestcattoyintheworld · 08/11/2021 17:45

I think the comment has given you a small glimpse into his patronising little mind. Horrible that they're still doing this.

camouflagejacket · 08/11/2021 17:45

@Wtfdoctor

Context - "As you're such a good girl, I'm going to prescribe X which is a smaller needle and hurts less".

I have never commented on the needle before so it's also an odd thing to say because not relevant. Perhaps he momentarily confused with someone else and they have a bit of an in joke or something?

I thought you were being over-sensitive until I read that, but that's really loaded. As in "I could have, for no good reason, chosen to be unkind to you, but seeing as how i like you and you're a bit deferential to me, I'll give you the nice treatment. But let's be clear I have the upper hand"
TravelLost · 08/11/2021 17:46

Wanting to reassure a patient is normal.
Being patronising and calling the OP ‘good girl’ isn’t. I’m pretty sure no man is ever called ‘good boy’ by a consultant!!!

@Wtfdoctor I really hope that, even wo any words, your face conveyed the wft feeling you have felt. And that he died a bit inside for his comment. Nit holding my breath though. Sexism is rife in medicine unfortunately (towards patients and other colleagues…)

ancientgran · 08/11/2021 17:46

@Dumbledoresgirl

Jesus, I am the least woke person I know but I would consider being called a good girl by anyone but my one remaining parent extremely belittling and creepy. I cringe whenever my boss says good morning girls to me and my coworkers, not one of which is under 40. I probably wouldnt complain or stop seeing an otherwise competent doctor, but if it was said more than once I think I would have to quietly say something to indicate a bit more respect was needed.
The trouble is saying good morning ladies isn't considered good and saying good morning women just doesn't sound right somehow, to me anyway. I don't know why as good morning men does sound OK to me.

Maybe good morning people would work.

EverdeRose · 08/11/2021 17:47

@butterpuffed

It wasn't relevant to the original post and I mentioned it when I'd been accused of having a grudge against a particular doctor.

Do you start all your comments with your job description?

ancientgran · 08/11/2021 17:48

@Wtfdoctor

Ok good for you, still doesn't mean this particular doctor doesn't do it to both sees or just made a one off comment without menace

Well, he only sees women, for one thing.

That does limit his chances of saying it to a man.
TravelLost · 08/11/2021 17:50

@Glassofshloer

Why do you think it's oversensitive though?

Because I think OP is massively overreacting given the comment. It was very mildly 🤢 something I would challenge in the manner above or laugh about afterwards.

Not switch doctors and paint him as a full on creep Hmm

There are shades of grey and this is a very light one

Actually I disagree.

I think it’s time we stop accepting anything ‘as mildly annoying’ and ‘just laugh about it’. There is nothing to laugh about when you have someone in front if you who is patronising AND is making a point that they will be nice to you ‘because you’ve been a good girl’. So if for whatever reasons, he had thought the OP hadn’t been deferential enough, he wouldn’t have been careful to make her comfortable? Really?

dizzydizzydizzy · 08/11/2021 17:51

I think it was a misjudged joke.

I have a very good relationship with my GP. Usually she has the ability to say things that make me feel better but occasionally she misses the mark.

WilsonMilson · 08/11/2021 17:51

I think you’re over reacting and need to get a grip.

TravelLost · 08/11/2021 17:52

@TotallySuper, you REALLY, I mean REALLY, have met a man before who said his consultant called him ‘good boy’?

You’ve actually met someone, anywhere, who is calling a grown man ‘good boy’??

Because I have never in my life seen or heard about anything like this.

Calling a woman ‘good girl’ is rife though….