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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Told off' by a random stranger

288 replies

hibye123 · 08/11/2021 13:29

I was on my way to an appointment with the Midwife this morning around 10:30am.

I was running late because I was feeding DD and didn't have time for any breakfast. Left to get the bus and grabbed a pack of Salt and Vinegar Squares from Sainsbury's and ate it at the bus stop once I had gotten off the bus.

Minding my business eating my Squares and some woman comes up to me saying 'you shouldn't be eating crisps at this time of the day'Hmm I told her I'm pregnant and I'll eat whatever I want when I want. She then said I was rude and unfit to be mum and went about her day!

AIBU in thinking she's actually the rude one coming up to me telling me off as if I'm her 5 year old child lolConfused

OP posts:
AJ47 · 09/11/2021 18:28

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AJ47 · 09/11/2021 18:30

That should be shoved more crisps in moith and stared defiantly while doing so.
Stupid predictive text

notoldjustpastyoung · 09/11/2021 18:31

Oh goodness, is she really worth getting unreasonable - you gave her a brilliant response. End of story. You're pregnant. Things like that must ride over your head. Well done, carry on saying what you think. Hope everything goes well.

immersivereader · 09/11/2021 18:31

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VickyPollardsTracksuit · 09/11/2021 18:33

I wonder if it’s the same woman who told me not to drink a Costa coffee in my own car parked the car park as it’s not allowed.

Beautybunny · 09/11/2021 18:34

I have still not forgotten the man who remarked my fish and chips I had just bought whilst 8 months pregnant were going to make me even fatter than I was and he would be paying for my health care! Bastard and I had just paid a huge tax bill and kept at least three families unable to work. So hurtful.

DemBonesDemBones · 09/11/2021 18:34

I've decided if anyone does similar to me I'm going to say 'why?' On repeat. Until they leave.

rrhuth · 09/11/2021 18:35

She was rude but I would not have given this more than a passing thought, she must have some issue to behave so inappropriately.

Amaksy · 09/11/2021 18:50

Somethings are better ignored and this is one of them. I remember sipping my milkshake and this man commenting that I’ll get fatter if I keep having them (bearing in mind I was pregnant). I had no words and went about my day. It’s like when strangers tell you to smile.

marktayloruk · 09/11/2021 18:52

None of her bloody business!

Newbabynewhouse · 09/11/2021 18:52

@FeatheredHope

Its 11am 😁

TurquoiseDragon · 09/11/2021 19:00

@Passenger42

I'm more shocked by the disgusting language from people on these replies. It's really not necessary
You are aware that Mumsnet doesn't moderate for language, aren't you?

Meanwhile, when I got stupid comments from random strangers who should have known better, I generally employed the "completely ignore them" technique. Theese people make the comments for attention, so they don't cope well when they get ignored. Can sometimes be quite funny to watch their reactions.

ToniHargis · 09/11/2021 19:05

We need to stop accommodating other people. She was bloody rude; she had no right to say anything like that and clearly wasn't bothered about appearing rude to you, so why do we always worry about our response? (I do it too.)
I write about this all the time. There are no "should"s in our responses, but we absolutely 'should' give ourselves permission to stop being so bloody polite to everyone else.
*steps off soapbox

rrhuth · 09/11/2021 19:09

@ToniHargis

We need to stop accommodating other people. She was bloody rude; she had no right to say anything like that and clearly wasn't bothered about appearing rude to you, so why do we always worry about our response? (I do it too.) I write about this all the time. There are no "should"s in our responses, but we absolutely 'should' give ourselves permission to stop being so bloody polite to everyone else. *steps off soapbox
How do you distinguish between someone who is 'rude' and someone who has a mental health problem?

I was brought up that two wrongs don't make a right - how is the situation helped by you also being illmannered?

An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind etc.

I think taking the moral high ground is vital, really. And classier than sinking to their level.

Djifunrsn · 09/11/2021 19:16

Just don't engage with idiots like this. Some woman told me I was not looking after ds properly because I took my trolley in a fridge aisle of the supermarket. Too cold for him apparently. He was a baby. 15 years ago!

Best to ignore.

Idontknowanymore1 · 09/11/2021 19:17

Oh lord if shes worried about crisps she would be horrified what I’ve shoved down my gob on the run in the morning 🤣…

DNo · 09/11/2021 19:17

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starfishmummy · 09/11/2021 19:24

Ooooh Smoths Squares. Yum. Haven't had any for years.

Misses point of thread completely Grin

Zara52 · 09/11/2021 19:24

To be honest she was rude but reflecting on it she was giving you good advice to eat well for your baby .I hope you will manage the two and feed them well and look after yourself . Don’t take it personally it’s hard .

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/11/2021 19:30

@firstimemamma

She sounds crazy op. Perhaps she's the same lady who told me off in a shop once for chatting quietly here and there to my baby as I went around. "What's the point, he doesn't even understand you?" Ffs he likes it and that's how babies learn to talk! Some people are just weird and rude.

P.s. I'm pregnant now too and am forever stuffing my face out and about!

How tempting would it have been to respond “Well - he’s a better conversationalist than you!”
ArchibaldsDaddy · 09/11/2021 19:34

Definitely YANBU! To hell with anyone who thinks they are the Crisp Police…

Anonmummyoftwo · 09/11/2021 19:42

Is there a time set for eating crisps like do I have to wait till after 12 noon am I allowed to eat then after 5pm? You should of asked her this to save us all

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/11/2021 19:44

What! I eat crisps whenever I want.

dustyparadeground · 09/11/2021 20:05

OK. My tuppenceworth:
Out at about 7 one evening, daughter is in the pram. Practically accosted by lady telling me she should be home in bed and asleep. Staggering! And I was so surprised I couldn't even think of a reply.

CheekyHobson · 09/11/2021 20:06

The only people who tell strangers how to live their lives are people with boundary and control issues. No matter how you respond, they are likely to take it badly because .... they have boundary and control issues.

The best thing to do is completely ignore them, but if you feel you need to respond, I find a good way is to look directly at them, smile (usually a restrained, closed-mouth smile), hold their gaze while taking a deep breath in and out through the nose (this lets them see you are in control of your feelings) and say,

"Thank you for your unsolicited advice (or opinion, if that's what it is.)" Then go right back to doing whatever you are doing and ignore whatever comes after – which will often be a huffy 'No need to be rude, I was only trying to help' as they have the internal experience of realising that what they said was unnecessary and intrusive, not wanting to admit it, and then automatically project their rudeness onto you.

You can't control other people, so unless you like stress in your life, there is no point engaging any more than the absolute minimum with a stranger who has just shown you that they don't understand or care about normal social boundaries.